My Mom, My Hero

Cliche isn’t it? To say my mom is my hero. When I really stopped to think about it, I can see why that is. As far back as your memory goes, mom is always there- smiling, or scowling, scolding or holding you. As you get older you tend to start pushing her away, forgetting that she was once young and energetic. She has no idea what you are going through. And yet, as much as you push she remains sturdy- always there for you. Once you’re into adulthood you do everything she advises when you’re stuck and don’t know what to do. You grow into a wonderful adult, get married, maybe have kids- all with her there with you for every stage of life. You don’t know what you would do without her and can’t imagine why you ever gave her a hard time so many years ago.

Well, that’s the story for many of us. However, some people are not as lucky to have a long life filled with that level of maternal care.

In my story, my mom doesn’t make it past the point of my life where I call her incessantly asking for advice as I grow into my own. She is taken to a better place, at least that's what we say right.

Mom, what can be said now that hasn’t already been said? We miss you. We love you. We wish you were still here with us. I know you always are, which is the beauty of it now I suppose. You can be in St. Pete, Orlando, Schaumburg, St. Charles, and Chicago all at once. But what if I am feeling selfish and only want you here in Logan Square with me? What if I want your car parked out front and you walk through my front door, being welcomed by my two crazy pooches that I know you would just adore. Or going out of your way to pop into my new office on Michigan Ave? What do I do when I need advice on one of the many things you didn’t get the chance to teach me. Where do I go to get one of those warm, genuine hugs at the end of a rough work week? Why do I still feel a void at in-law family gatherings that I know you would be at when you didn’t even have the chance to meet them?

When I am feeling selfish I look at your pictures on my desk, or bookshelf. I bring my dogs to visit you at your resting place. When I need advice I go to the people that give the most sound advice aside from you- my two almost mammas- Marilyn and Donna. They are also a good source for some warm, homely hugs. There is a void at family gatherings because I know you would fit right in. Not only that, your new friends, Mr. and Mrs. G would expect nothing less than for you to be there. Which again, is crazy seeing as they didn’t get the pleasure of meeting you.

To say the least, I miss you. There is so much that I carry with me today that I know I got only from you and the example you set for your kids. I know that I am strong, independent, financially capable, witty and cool because of you. I can walk into any room with my head held high, never backing down to anyone because I saw you do it for years while going through the messy divorce. I watched you sacrifice your own food, money, time, and happiness for those you love most which is why it is second nature for me to do the same when I’m in those situations. I know that I carry you with me in looks alone. Getting married in the absence of you is probably one of the hardest things that I will do in this life. Yet, looking at all the pictures taken that day you were there- in me.

Thank you for being the role model I didn’t know I needed. Thank you for always putting us first because now I know that is acceptable treatment, expected even. Thank you for the unwavering support that we always felt growing up- even when things were less than ideal. Thank you for showing me so much in such a short amount of time. Everything you ever did has only helped prepare me for you not being here…even though that time came sooner than anyone would have thought.

I hold onto the memories of family vacations to Disney, Arizona, Myrtle Beach. The smaller trips with just the three of us to Florida, Ohio, Iowa, or Wisconsin. I don’t look back at these times with sadness, on the contrary. I remember them with a smile on my face, talking about them in normal conversation. I hold onto Isaiah 57:1-2; The righteous perish, and no one takes it to heart; the devout are taken away, and no one understands that the righteous are taken away to be spared of evil. Those who walk uprightly enter into peace; they find rest as they lie in death. I hold onto the thought of you spending your days pain free, peaceful and with those you have loved and lost. You deserve all of those things because of how hard you worked while you were here. How much dedication you had to your family and making a better life for us all.

They say you are completely gone the last time somebody mentions your name. In that case, you are very much still here with us. I would say I can’t wait to see you again one day, but I can. I’ll wait until I’ve done all that I have needed to do here before I leave. I will wait until I have created a legacy, in your name, so you are never truly gone.

So yes, some may say it’s cliche but I can be okay with that. Because to me, it’s the truth.