My loss

We brought our house in the land of sunshine. I never thought that I would be here in this house without you. I got through the 1st year without you. Now I am going into my 2nd year without you in it.

I was there when you took your last breath on this planet called Earth.The plan was to start to remodel this house in 10 years. Well, I didn't think that it would be without in it and watching the improvements being made to the house. But you have been watching the changes in this house but it in a different place now.

For days I turned to your chair to talk with you, but you have not been there. Oh, how the chair sits empty. I don't have the courage to sit where you sat.

Our house is much bigger now. Our bed is much bigger also. Your birthday was a few weeks after your passing. I turned in the bed to say Happy Birthday only to see an empty space and your pillows no you there.

The holidays were my next steps without you. I know that you hated getting Christmas gifts, but I knew that deep inside you were always happy to get a few gifts.

Turn the page to a new year and not knowing what was to come. Still being busy with the changes in the house. Boy I wish that you were here.

Next birthday without you. Mine and yours. For this 2nd birthday without you it had to be fun and one to remember also. See, you would have been 75 years old. I knew just what to do. Have a party with the friends at the firehouse. The firehouse and you were going to be the same age.

If you are reading this. He was 20 years old than myself I. I forgot to say that we had one son in this marriage.

Now, I am facing what would have been our 30th wedding anniversary without you. My heart is aching to see you again.

Well, the work is complete in this house. Are you looking down on what I have done to the house. I hope that you are looking down and seeing wow you did this yourself. Yes, I did.

I have learned to do things without that I thought that I could not do by myself. I know that you would be so proud.

Now, it dinner for one and yes, I do make to much but that is ok I will have it for later on.

Now for the people who said that I was only in for the money guess what it is not about the money it about surviving without the person that you lived and loved for always 30 years. You can take a left turn and keep on going. I just wonder where you were when he was getting sick and wondering if he was doing the right thing.

As, the song goes I stood by my man to the end. I will make this work and is it. Yes it will be hard sometime, but I will make it through the hard times.

I guess that was a venting about the people who have done be wrong.

I feel better about that now. I guess that is part of the grief process that you much go through.

Prayers and throughs of you make me happy when I am now. I know you said not be hard on your way. Just do the best that you can and it you are down and trouble there will be another day and year and hours to come that you come get these things done.