My Little Hero

Dear Emma Lou,

In today's society a hero is defined as someone who influenced more than one person or saved a person's life. They do something that moves people's hearts and their community. Heroes come in variety of different ways. Some even change the course in History. Some have died so that we can live.

There are heroes who also are unnoticed. Ones that hide behind the scenes or we don't hear about. The ones that influenced the hero to become hero. Those are the ones who deserve recognition. Society has trained us to believe that if you do a heroic deed you must gloat about it or record it from our phones. However a true hero doesn't believe they are one.

I could tell you that in my life I encountered a fair share of people that I should consider my hero. I had amazing teachers, pastors, parents, and friends. They helped shape me, mold me, and influence me to who I am today. However, none of them come close to my mightiest little hero of them all.

I agree that it takes a village to raise a child. What about a child who changed my village? A toddler at the age of three. You became my hero because of your big heart and endless joy that you give to everyone. Your love for nature and animals goes to show how caring you are about this big world. I couldn't pass this opportunity without sharing with you several memories about my little hero. You may never get the chance to hear about her otherwise.

Her heroic deeds started the day she was born. As a new parent I had all the nerves and anxieties that came with it. I was scared about the pregnancy. I was scared about what choices to make to raise my daughter. I dealt with the worldly pressures all moms face. You know the judgmental glances, the always point out your flaws type people, and the endless negatives.

I don't know how many books I tried to read or opinions I received from onlookers, but there was so many it made my anxiety worse. I felt like I wasn't going to be a good mom. I had the racing negative thoughts about me not being able to do this. "I can't do this," I repeatedly told myself.

On May 8 2018, you were born on a beautiful Sunday early afternoon. I can tell you that giving birth is beautiful. Yes, there is pain, but that only lasts for a moment. You came out all that pain, all those anxieties and anxious thoughts went away. It was just me and you in that moment you were handed to me. Your blue eyes adjusting to the light in the room. Your whimper as I held you close to me. That moment your first heroic deed was just by being born. My beautiful little hero.

The days from that moment flew by. I was able to shake that coat of anxiety off. All that worrying and self-doubts didn't vanish completely, but you my daughter taught me more in those first weeks than I did reading all those books. I learned to be flexible with my time. I learned the importance of taking care of myself. I had to learn that every child is different and mine proved that. Those first few weeks are always the hardest, but because the hard days I get to enjoy more of the good ones.

The days may seem long, but they will come and go. Don't blink for they grow up so fast. You taught me to enjoy those long days, to enjoy the hardships and be grateful for them.

It may seem weird to some that I consider my daughter a hero. You didn't do much most would say. I however get to witness and receive those heroic moments. If you know my daughter, you will come to find that she is always happy. Yes, we have our blue days, but they always end with a smile on her face.

I recall my next story of you. You were maybe three months old. Your dad and I were at a local hardware store, was you in the car seat attached to the cart. We got all the things we needed and decided to walk down the light displays. Your face gleamed with admiration and awestruck as you stared up at the lights we passed. With your mouth open, as if you were saying wow, you did your excitement jig. Looking back at this moment you taught me to find enjoyment in the simple things.

Your excitement jig is contagious. I can't help but enjoy them with you. You brought the kid back in me. You find the fun in everything. Puddles look out my hero will be jumping into them. Garbage truck guy, thank you for doing our trash and highlighting our daughter's day for ten minutes twice a week.

Your braveness at two was fascinating. Animals are one of your many favorite things. We went to a local zoo. At the zoo we got to feed Giraffes. You walked right up to the fence with a leaf in your hand. The biggest giraffe gladly took it from you. You giggled and wanted more. We fed those giraffes for a majority of our time there. You taught me to be brave even when the thing in front of me is bigger than I am. My anxiety is suffocating at times, but your courage has encouraged me to do better. To be better.

Now my little hero is three. My daughter, time and time again you impress me with your kindness. You encourage me to be a better version of myself. You will hug me on days that my depression gets to me and tell me "It's okay momma, I love you. Jesus also loves you." You taught me to explore more outside and enjoy nature. I have laughed more, I have felt more courageous, and I have learned to enjoy the simple things in life because of you.

All my life I struggled. I am and always will be a mess. I can either set myself back or step it up to move forward. Either way I had to learn to put in the work. I had to learn that I am not a perfect mom, but I am a strong mom that can be stronger. I had to let go of my own ego. I had to learn to be flexible and spontaneous. I had to learn to be brave and bigger than my anxieties. I learned to enjoy every moment.

So, baby girl, my little hero. You are mighty in your own cheerful way. You deserve the highest of honors. You are beautiful and smart. Your smiles are contagious. I am so proud to be your momma. I will gladly call you, my hero. I will always do better. Thank you my dear for becoming the hero you strive to be. I love you so very much and thank God for you daily.

Love,

Momma