My Life Changing Decision

Growing up I didn't have the so called “normal” childhood like every other thirteen year old kid. I had two of everything. Two houses, two rooms, two birthdays, two Christmases, and so on. You would think that I was so lucky to have two of everything, but in reality it was hard. Growing up with divorced parents made me a strong, brave person, yet forced me to make difficult decisions. In the summer of 2011, I made the most difficult decision I ever had to make, to create a better life for myself in the future.

I’ve always lived with my mom and saw my dad on the weekends. My mom got remarried when I was younger. I didn't like my step dad but I never really knew why. Being a kid you never really know why you didn't like someone or something, you just didn't like it. We bounced around a few times from one house to another. Cutchogue, Mattituck, and then eventually back out to Centereach, always having to start over and make new friends.

I loved spending the weekends at my dad’s house. He was the fun parent. He always had something excited planned when I would stay there. At times, it was hard to choose who I wanted to stay with that weekend. Sometimes I would be so undecided that it would be a last minute decision. As a kid, I shouldn't have to worry about who's house I was staying at for the weekend. That was my main concern most of the time. My friends wanted to hang out with me but I also wanted to spend time with my dad. Those were the times where I wished my parents were still together. I wanted a happy house hold, with my parents together. Things happen and people split for their own reasons. I envied the kids who parents were happy together.

As I grew older I started to pick up on certain things. I realized I could make my own decisions. Given my situation with divorced parents, I feel I had to mature quickly. I began noticing things not your typical thirteen year old would notice. I saw how controlling and arrogant my step dad was. I saw how my relationship with my mom was crumbling beneath me. We argued and never agreed on anything. At that point, I didn't really care to have that mother - daughter relationship every girl has. I didn't have a good bond with my mom. We never saw eye to eye. It was the little stuff like not doing what she said right away or simply just her accusing me of giving her an attitude when I knew I wasn’t. I felt like I couldn't go to her, like I couldn't tell her anything. I got so frustrated living in a negative, unhealthy household that I just cried to my mom telling her how much I wanted to go back over my dad's house.

My dad was constantly rescuing me when I needed it most, always saving me from whatever heartache or troubles came my way. I listened as my mom and dad argued over the phone, shouting, talking over one another. I knew through my mom’s angry voice and endless tears that my dad was coming to get me, even though that was the last thing she wanted. The arguing soon fell silent. I ran to my room to pack my bag for my dad’s house. I couldn't wait to leave. The feeling of be able to leave a place I was so miserable in was indescribable. My dad couldn’t get to me soon enough.

Physical, mental, and emotional abuse is all I heard from my mom’s mouth as she cried to my step dad. My dad accused her of those things and I knew with all my heart that he was right. I tried not to listen to the harsh words my step dad was yelling about my dad. I could tell something hurtful was going to happen by the way the screaming filled the living room and eventually carried its way down the hall to my room. The last thing I wasted to hear was all this hatred from my mom and step dad. They were talking bad about someone I care for, in that moment I knew I made the right call for my dad to come get me.

A car door slammed shut and without hesitation I grabbed my stuff and ran out the door. I tried my best to get to the door before my step dad could but I was too late. My step dad was already screaming in my dad’s face, pushing, yelling about how he was a poor excuse for a father. I sobbed uncontrollably, wanting to save my dad any way I could. My mom rushed me to my dad’s car, trying to shield me from seeing all of this. My mom so desperately wanted me to stay, but at the same time she didn’t want me to see any of this arguing. I knew she thought that I was too young to hear any of this just by the way she rushed me to my dad’s car. There were so many thoughts of what’s going to happen next that I just couldn’t stop the tears from falling down my cheeks. I just wanted my dad to get in his car and take me away. I watched as my step dad continued to scream at my dad. I quickly noticed that he wasn't fighting back. He was laughing at the fact of how ridiculous my step dad sounded, how he was making a fool out of himself.

We drove away not wanting to reflect on what just happened. The thought of staying in that house again was just unbearable. The rest of that summer I stayed with my dad, who lived with his dad to help him pay bills and to take care of him. It wasn't the best summer. I dodged phone calls from my mom and had to figure out if I wanted to start living with my dad. I tried to make the most of everything with spending time with my family. My life was about to change for the better.

As that summer starting coming to a close, making a decision was more and more on my mind than ever. I was torn between what I wanted to do. Live in a house that is negative and unhealthy or live in a house that you know you'll be much happier in constantly surrounded by family and people who support me? It should be a no brainer but for a thirteen year old kid who has a life and friends at her mom’s house, it's tough to even think about.

I decided to start living with my dad. I knew from the moment I spend the summer with my dad that I wanted nothing more than to stay there permanently. I knew that my life was going to change for the better. That feeling alone was so exciting that you couldn’t wipe the smile off my face. I was going to be happier and I know my dad would motivate me to do the things I’m scared of, rather then just stick to what I know. My dad always encouraged me to do things I’ve never done to boost my confidence, now that ill be living with him, I know ill change as person for the better. I was going to love spending more time with my grandpa. I sat down and told my dad everything and he couldn’t wait to start moving me in. He was going to have me around full time now and he couldn’t be more proud of the adult decision I made on my own. I had to register for a brand new school in Brentwood and tell my friends the sad news. I knew I would still be able to see my friends but it was going to be much harder with everything else going on. In a way, moving in with my dad was a good thing. My dad promised me that I would only be in the Brentwood school district for a year. He was determined to move out of Brentwood and into a better neighborhood. Once my dad puts his mind something, there is no stopping him until he achieves his goal, and he did just that.

I broke the news to my mom. Like any other parent, she was devastated. Her only daughter was moving out to live with her dad. I had to do what was best for me. I packed everything up that was important and took it to my dads house. I wasn’t thrilled about being in Brentwood and going to a new school but I knew I would be better off with my dad. In more ways than one, moving in with him was the right choice. He supports me with every decision I make. Ive achieved my weightless goals with my dads help, I've been an A student all throughout high school and college because my dad believed in me when I didn’t. I got a job and paid for half my car. If I stayed with my mom, none of that would have happened.

The things i was most excited for was being able to spend more time with my grandpa before it was too late.

My grandpa was diagnosed with lung cancer. Everyday he was getting weaker and weaker. My dad had to constantly check on him and with me being there now, I could help my grandpa and spend as much time as possible with him. I did everything for him. I made his coffee, I made him something to eat if he was hungry. I helped him sort out his pills into his pill box. Eventually, my grandpa couldn't do any of those things anymore. He was bedridden, he couldn't talk and he could barely move a muscle. This year was filled with a roller coaster of emotions. Moving in with my dad gave me the opportunity to spend my grandpas final days with him until he passed. I am forever grateful that I could be there for not only my grandpa but for my dad. After sorting everything out for me with school and moving in, he needed me the most in that difficult time.

Since moving out of my moms house, we never had a relationship. We constantly argue over things that happened in the past. I just wished she would move on and stop bringing up situations and problems that happened so long ago. Hanging up on each other, not talking or seeing my mom for weeks became so normal to me because I just didn't care. She didn't help my dad pay for anything that had to do with me and she stuck me with my phone bill when she knows I can barely pay for it. She blames my dad for putting thoughts into my head about not wanting anything to do with her, when all he did was try to convince me to work on my relationship with her. I came to a point in my life where I did not want anything to do with her. Eventually, me and my mom stopped speaking altogether. I found myself so much happier without her in my life. In reality, I do wish we had a relationship, but she has put me through so much heartache in the past few years that it isn't worth it to try anymore. I gave up trying a long time ago and I never looked back.

Moving in with my dad was the best decision I could have ever made. I wouldn't be the person I am today if I didn’t. My dad is my best friend. I tell him everything and go to him with any trouble or problem I have because I know he is always there for me no matter what. I know for a fact that I wouldn't have the close relationship with my dad if I never moved out. I’d be lost without him. Although that summer was the hardest, I am thankful for the life changing moments that made me the person I am today.