My Journey to Adulthood

When I was about 10 years old, It was always me and my father. I never had a mother figure in my life to teach me how to be a lady or have that motherly love. My father I believed did his best to raise me with little knowledge he had about raising a girl. He worked a lot so I barely saw him amd when I did it was for a few hours at the most and then he would go to sleep or so I thought. At most nights I would wake up and head to his room just to find he was not in there. He would be gone all night at times and I assumed he was at work, but little did I know he was sleeping over his girlfriends house. We had a dog growing up, actually 2 so they were my company most of the time as I was growing up. As years went by my father became more and more angry and would take his anger out on me. I would be scared to talk to him or even ask a question because I didn’t know what will happen. As I was growing up I had to learn to cook for myself and entertain myself as I was normally alone or had the 2 dogs keep me company. My father was usually not home or stayed in his room and did not want to. E bothered. As a child I was confused and felt so alone and sad. I wondered and thought to myself “What did I do wrong?” To this day as now I am 31 years old I still wonder because of how I grew up, it affected me hard and now I suffer from depression. To this day I continue to try my best to overcome the many obstacles I face into being a adult. I had to learn a lot on my own and for that reason I struggled very hard to get by in life, without my father and without my family to help me. To this day I still question myself on what I did wrong to have receive this type of abuse growing up from the verbal to the physical abuse, I endured. I’ve never felt loved by my father and my family, so today as I am a adult I still look and acquire that love I’ve never received.

As I become a adult I went through some pretty hard times. I’ve been homeless, sleeping in alleyways and being snuck into friends homes but having to leave mad early in the morning before their parents wouldn’t notice. I had to do unspeakable things to make money to eat and survive. I didn’t have that same guidance you get from your parents growing up. I was lost and felt so alone and scared of what will happen to me. I prayed and prayed for someone to genuinely help me and help guide me through the right direction. One day I receive a unexpected message from a very old person I knew back in middle school. This person was someone I had a crush on growing up and he use to avoid me in school. As we spoke he can see I was doing terrible and offered to be a friend and help me in ways to better myself. To this day I am still struggling to get by but he is still there for me and we are roommates and helping me to get by in life as an adult and to never fall back down the road I came from.