My Guardian Angel

January 29th, 2016 will forever be a day that I will hold in my heart. See, from the tender age of 18 I was told that I would never be able to have kids, and that if I were to become pregnant, my body would reject my pregnancy.

I can't say I was never careful. Any other woman probably would have become pregnant time and time again. I read countless stories of other women that were able to get pregnant even when told that they couldn't. So that gave me some hope to cling too.

But as the years passed me by, the light at the end of that tunnel soon faded. I finally just accepted the fact that I would never become the mother I so desperately wanted to be.

Near the end of 2015 I had started dating a man I met on line. Things were great for us. We were definitely a force to be reckoned with. But something went wrong, and our once perfect little fairytale romance soon began to fade away and slip through my fingers. All of a sudden, I started to feel really sick. My stomach was in knots and I had a migraine I just couldn't shake. I soon started to vomit.

At first, I just thought it was the break up blues and I was just stressed. But after a day the pains and the nausea just wouldn't go away. Not even a little. So I went to the ER.

As I am sitting in a gown waiting for my blood work and urine to come back...I couldn't have felt more alone. I had no one there with me and I wasn't sure what was wrong with me.

After what seemed like a lifetime, a nurse came in and congratulated me and told me that I was pregnant. I started to cry happy tears and all of a sudden all of my dreams were coming true. I was going to be that mom I so wanted to be. The mom I was born to be.

In a matter of seconds, a doctor came in and shattered every little last hope I had. He immediately started hooking me up to a thousand machines it seemed. I was so confused and as he is hooking me to an EKG he explains that I am going through a miscarriage.

My heart didn't just shatter, it just didn't fall into a million pieces, it was in straight ashes at my feet. I couldn't even cry at this moment because I was still trying to process the news. And that's when I heard it.

A heartbeat. A rapid little heartbeat. And the earth stood still. My world stopped turning and time froze. I couldn't help but smile even though I was distressed. Again, that all came crashing down around me when the heartbeat slowed. Slower and slower it beat. The slower it beat the faster my world came crashing down.

Then it stopped. There was nothing to be heard. The doctor did an ultrasound to confirm.

In 2 hours I got the best news, the worst news, and the most heartbreaking news I have ever had in my life.

January 29th, 2016 I lost my first and only child.

I didn't know it at the time, but my child was a gift, an angel sent to me. After my miscarriage is when several tumors were found in my abdomen. I was told by my surgeon that a year longer and I would have just died. I had such a severe infection in my abdomen with all the tumors that it would have just caused me to go septic and die.

I will forever hold this tattoo near and dear. My first and only child, my little guardian angel too precious for this Earth. My little nugget that saved my life. A true sacrifice to his momma. My little angel gave his life so he could save mine.