My Grandmother’s Recipe to Unite a Family

As the leaves started to fall from the trees and we were getting ready for winter, the whole family sat around the wood fire oven, speaking way too loudly while sharing some food. My uncles talking about sport and politics and my aunties telling stories and laughing as the kids ran around the house waiting for the food to be served. Those were the most ordinary and extraordinary moments I've shared with my grandmother. I've spent a lot of time at her house in a country town in the South part of Brazil close to the Mountains.

Her hometown is known for the longevity of its people and its picturesque beauty, with rivers, waterfalls, and lush green forests, the perfect place to lived a very simple and happy life. No wonder I now live in a similar place. I used to love going to visit her during the school holidays to spend time on the land and learn all the crafts that she knew. My grandmother could do pretty much anything sow, garden, crochet, and the list goes on and on, but her favorite thing was cooking.

At her house, we would eat all the time, starting early with a big breakfast, then a small snack before lunch, a buffet including dessert. As it was getting close to late the afternoon, we would sit for tea while nibbling more snacks and cakes. Sometimes we wouldn't even leave the table between tea time and supper, while in special occasions we would follow procedure and finish the day with a bowl of soup before going to bed (apparently an Italian cultural thing to do).

The meeting point was always the kitchen, where the women would share secrets and stories about each other and laugh. Life seemed so simple at that time in the country as it is now from where I live.

Watching my grandmother go from the garden to the kitchen and hold the space for the family to be together was magical. She inspired and helped me understand the simple things we do can become our most significant contribution to the world.

Like her and her friends setting up a collaborative economy system to share goods and help each other, and in return it allowed her to be in contact with all these fantastic ingredients that would become her legacy.

They exchanged homegrown goods and products most of the time without using money. Sisterhood was their most-used currency. Is this where we are going back to? I hope so.

We would wake up and find fresh milk from the farm at the doorstep. Neighbors were coming to drop off big sizes of colonial cheese, boxes with eggs, and lots of vegetables and fruits they had planted in their gardens.

Our family reunions were always monumental, as my grandmother had 8 children and a big extended family, something common at that time and which I miss very much now that I live on the other side of the world in Australia.

In my family, whoever screams louder gets a turn to talk, if we were not Italian descendants that could sound rude and impolite, but for us, it is quite normal. Other than that, there were various benefits of growing up in an Italian family in the South of Brazil. From a young age, I learned how to grow food in the backyard, make pasta, cook giant pots of jam, how to sow and fix clothes and paint tea towels while listening to her teachings.

She taught me that life is not always going to be easy, but when things get hard, we have a choice to show our empathy and support for one another or let it separate us from one another.

I've seen many families being divided during challenging times. Still, by following this recipe we have the opportunity to strengthen the union in our families, which will not only benefit ourselves and our loved ones but also everyone around us.

I hope that through these instructions, we can learn how to be more kind to each other and raise children in such a lovely home as I had the opportunity and privilege of growing up.

Ingredient 1: Love with patience

To my grandmother, the first ingredient to keep a family united is love with patience. It's like waiting for the food to be ready; if we are not patient, we can get burned. I guess she knew that even though we love our family, they can also be the people that will challenge us the most. At the moment, it can feel like everything is going wrong, but when we have patience, we act with more self-control and respect for ourselves and others. Even if you are a member of an Italian family of 20 people trying to get a turn to talk on the table.

She could stand up on her ground and make herself heard but give space for people to talk and feel listened to. She made everybody laugh, even the people she met in the streets. She was a brave woman with a sweet heart, who also had her problems and flaws.

"Women have been trusted with the beautiful gift of creating life and nurturing it with love, this is an amazing privilege to be held, but such a blessing doesn't come without responsibility."

Ingredient 2: A pinch of acceptance

The thing I admire the most about her is the ability to add a pinch of acceptance to all her relationships. In some way, she knew we all have our problems and limitations, but for her, there was no need to judge or fear.

The beauty of acceptance is the more we accept other people's flaws, the more we can also accept ourselves. It stops us from living in guilt and shame so we can truly feel love and have the opportunity to take responsibility for our situation.

Equality comes from accepting each other's differences and not by getting everyone to be, do, have the same.

Ingredient 3: Three serves of gratitude

By adding three serves of gratitude for what we already have, we will see the bright side in all situations. Maybe no one has a perfect life, but it's how we approach the moments presented to us that will determine how we feel and the outcome we'll get. Our quality of life will depend on who we choose to be, not just what we do or have, if we only complain or argue all the time, we may find life difficult and hard, but if we are content and choose to focus on helping others, we will enjoy it more.

Ingredient 4: A cup full of blessings

Add a full cup of blessings and offer to the others. One of my grandmother's favorite things to do when she got old and couldn't help around much anymore, was to take treats to an aged care center and spend the afternoon with the elderly to brighten up their day.

A cup full has to be emptied, but even something simple can make a big difference. When we help people go through big challenges in life, our problems start to feel smaller, but if we forget to look at the bigger picture, the small problems can consume our lives. By always celebrating and focusing on what we have and we have to share without expecting anything back, life can give us back and return the favor.

Ingredient 5: The roots of legacy

Families are our most significant legacy, it's more than just blood and thicker than water. It's a root system that connects us and passes on the wisdom from the ones who came before us to the new fruit growing from the tree.

Her legacy is a mix of everything we have been through, and that helped me continue the path ahead in the next years to come. Like it was for her, it is for me, my family is my biggest contribution to the world and the roots of my legacy.

Ingredient 6: A whole lot of understanding

My grandmother and I barely looked alike. I have brown skin, and she has white. The relationship I had with my grandmother didn't happen just because of our family line, it took some time and effort for us to understand each other and respect our differences, even though we also have a lot of similarities. I believe that we can only fully love someone when we have seen them whole, shadows and all. During our time together, we've learned about each other's personalities, found our love, and set our boundaries.

Family members can challenge us to the core, but by doing so, they help us learn more about who we are, what we need to be happy, and what you are ready to let go in the name of love. For me having a family is an excellent opportunity to grow because without them, life would be boring and dull.

Uniting Method

There is no perfect formula or specific instructions from here, but if we know the ingredients, we can intuitively feel the way. My "Nona" had her way of mixing all these six ingredients by adding each one in the amount that felt right at the time. The waiting period also may vary according to each situation and the temperature in the room, but with the right ingredients and a sprinkle of Joy, to add some extra flavor, we can't get it wrong.

By observing her, I understand that what made all the difference in getting it right was her positive beliefs and the strong values she collected along the way. With them, my grandmother transformed a house into a home, a bitter husband into a sweet memory, and united her family.

After 90 years of using this recipe, she has now passed the tradition to the rest of us, and we will continue to live it and share it. That's the beauty of uniting a family, we put time into making it happen, but then we can sit at the table and enjoy a good time together and savor the bittersweet taste of life.

Like a virus, love also spreads fast, but it ultimately has the opposite effect, it heals us from the inside out and leaves no space for fear or doubt. There is love inside each one of us. We just need to be open to feel it. When we share our true stories and stop the blame, the shame, the guilt, and the pain, our hearts will connect and beat stronger again.

My grandmother's recipe can possibly be our granddaughter's remedy because we women never stand alone, and we should always get together to enjoy food and share our stories while we cook. Together we are stronger, and we can create a new future to be passed on to the next generation to come.

When we unite and lead our families with love, we cause a ripple effect of positivity in the world.

Imagine if all the families would unite…

In the end, we will harvest what we planted.