My Grandmother's Prayers

John: Mom, I saw this small black book on the trash can again. It's the second time you threw it.

Me: Son, it's cluttering my drawer. Can't you understand? That black book contains nothing but a list of debts and prayers. What am I going to do with it?

John: Mom, it's not a simple black book. It's the only remaining memory of great-grandma. Have you really lost your heart?

I stared at the leather book and returned it to my desk drawer just to end the discussion. I stopped being sentimental 5 years ago. Life should be seen objectively. Those clinging to emotions emerge with broken bones in my industry.

I never made it as a top-caliber lawyer in the country if I stayed too sweet and soft as before. I have to be tough. Crying is not my game anymore. I stopped journalling years back. So why would I keep a black book of written prayers and debt by someone who died 10 years ago?

I have fond memories of my grandmother. She takes me to mass every Sunday when I was a little girl. I may be her favorite because she sneaks me out of my cousins so we can enjoy having ice cream and pizza alone. She saves money to give me this pleasure every month.

Time went fast. I went to college and left our hometown. I get to see grandma maybe twice during semestral breaks. I have grown up and I had friends whom I spent my time over her. But I love her. And she keeps on telling me that she prays for me every day on the few days that I visit her.

When I started working, the distance between me and grandma grew further. I became busy. But I still love her. To tame my conscience, I bought a phone for her so I can call her on weekends.

Grandma grew older and weaker. She started taking in plenty of medications that her measly pension cannot support. She still has his two sons. My father is too irresponsible to take care of her mom and my uncle is more concerned but financially incapable to support Grandma's needs.

Being tagged as "Grandma's favorite" and to compensate for my father's share of obligations, I was obliged to support Grandma. For 15 years, I took care of Grandma's food, medications, hospital expenses, and other matters.

To be honest, there have been times that I wanted to stop all the support. It has been a sacrifice for me. I have to forego some of my wants to give Grandma's needs. But I can't. I love her.

There was a time I took a vacation and spent a day with her. Grandma said she is not afraid of dying anymore because she knew I'll take care of her funeral. I said, "of course Grandma, but not now."

She smiled and told me: "When I die, my black book of personally written prayers will be yours. I already told your father and uncle that it will be my gift to you. Also, I told them to give back to you the phone that you gave me It contains some of my pictures for you to remember me."

I don't know what to say. I gave a blank smile.

After six months, on a cold night, a loud phone ring woke me up. It was my father's voice that I heard in the middle of the night. My heart pumped fast and before he can even say a word, the seconds of silence told me the news.

Grandma is dead.

Tears kept falling while my father handed me the black book and Grandma's phone. "Before she gave her last breath, she kept on reminding us to give you that book with her prayers and list of debts; and the phone," my father said. I kissed the book. That was my last memory of Grandma.

Now, I'm sitting at my desk, blank and processing what my son has just said. "Did you really lost your heart, mom?" Did I? Maybe yes. I was drowned by working so hard. I'm not the same Grandma's girl anymore. But, I realized. I still love her. I actually missed her. My eyes swelled with tears.

I opened the drawer and flipped the black book on its first page. This was the first time that I actually opened the book. On my mind, maybe I have to check on the people whom grandma owes something so I can pay them.

On the second page, I saw my name "prayer for my dearest Camilla". It was a prayer Grandma made when I was in college. She prayed for my safety, good health, and good grades. I flipped some more and saw a prayer begging God that I pass my bar examinations. Then prayers for my interview, good relationship with my boyfriend now husband, prayer for the safe delivery of my children, and more.

Grandma has been making prayers for me and me alone. She was able to record my life events through her prayers. All prayers are neatly written in the little black book.

Flipping another page started the debt list. It looked like Grandma has been borrowing money from someone every 15th and 30th of the month. The list was long. Twice a month Grandma borrowed money from someone. "I have to settle $5000.00 in total in case the person whom grandma owes the money comes forward," I thought.

Here I am again on my big financial responsibility. Grandma has no estate that the creditor can run for. And it was 5 years since Grandma's death and no one came to collect. I flipped the page once again and there I saw not a prayer but a letter.

Dear Camilla,

Thank you for supporting me all along. I knew I was a burden for you but I can't do anything. The most that I can do is to pray that God continues to bless you with good health and success.

You see, the list that I owe you is so long. Now I can't complete the list as my vision is failing. Tomorrow I may not be able to list down the money that you send me twice a month.

But you know my dear granddaughter, I bought a magic coin for you. They say it is a coin that we can't hold but it may grow in value. A neighbor downloaded an application on my phone in 2010 saying that by just downloading, I will be given $2.00 as a reward. I let her put the application on the phone that you gave me.

I, however, didn't know what to do with the $2.00 so I played with the app and it offered me to buy some magic coins. The coin costs $.08 each and I was able to buy 25 pieces. The magic coins are all yours to keep and use in case they are of value. I have written down the username, passcode, and recovery codes of the app in red in all my prayers in case you are interested.

I will continue to guide you my granddaughter wherever I will be.

With love,

Grandma

I pulled my drawer with utmost force making some of its contents jump on the floor. On its rightmost corner was grandma's old phone. It doesn't turn on. With trembling hands, I plugged a charger. It lit up. I pushed the "on" button again. I heard a welcome ring.

There was only one unique looking app installed aside from the app that we used for video calls. It was a gold coin icon. I opened the app, input the grandma's username and password.

25 Bitcoins equivalent to $1,000,000.00 was right there in front of my eyes. I cried, "Grandma, what did I do to deserve this?"

A strong wind blew into the window, flipping the book's already opened pages, a loose page flew and landed on my feet.

It read: "I love you my Camilla" signed Grandma.

I knelt and whispered a prayer. With overwhelming tears, I said, "I love you too, Grandma."

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This is a fictional story using fictional names. Any resemblance to a real-life situation is a result of coincidence.