My father

Growing up it felt like my dad was the villain. In a family of 6, my dad, my mum, my siblings now ages 33,31 & 23 and I age 25. Although we never seem to grow up alone there is always a cousin, a nephew, a niece staying with us.

And we were okay with it especially since we were not in charge of the bills, we were just kids happy to be surrounded with lots of people. But here’s the thing my dad was temperamental I mean spanking and whooping temperamental.

I am very sure each and everyone of us has been at the receiving end of this torture device, we tried to misplace it on accident or just hide it but it still find its way back to him.

Let me give you a funny scenario of how my dad whoop, he doesn’t chase, he doesn’t shout, he’s gonna ignore you like you are god to go, then you eat your dinner, say your prayers and go to bed. Midnight, here comes the boogie man, when the neighbors have locked their doors and are sleeping. That’s when you get your punishment.

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It’s funny now but it wasn’t funny before so since then we go to bed dressed in everything padded we could get to reduce the pains and for sometimes it worked until he figured it out.

But recently while sitting with him, he asked me “why are you kids always awkward around me?” we leave the sitting room for him when he’s around and just basically let him do his stuffs.

I simply told him the truth, I said it was your fault, growing up we felt we had to fear you and not love you (don’t get me wrong I love my father but I fear him more than I love him). He was perplexed, he wasn’t expecting my answer.

Then he asked me if I wanted to know why he was like that and I was intrigued because I haven’t had that kind of talk with him ever before. He said “growing up I had nothing, I came to this city looking for job and I was fortunate to get the bare minimum, I worked smart and hard to provide and put food on the table and it wasn’t easy. So when I send you to school I expect the best of the best from you simply because I believe if you have the best then you won’t pass through what I went through. I whoop you because I didn’t know how else to express my dissatisfaction and disappointment, it was tough love, it was never personal “.

Now here is the thing I understand all he said but believe me when I say there are something’s that he could have overlooked while we were growing up but we were still punished for. It was tough, I wasn’t free because I didn’t want anyone reporting me to my dad.

I remember my sister been beaten for talking to the opposite sex while she was in high school, my brother too, I was whooped for failing one of my course in the university (that was the last time he whooped me).

Now he’s older, he listens before acting and he treats his grandchildren like eggs, I tell you they get away with things we wouldn’t have dared. I feel jealous but I am not going to lie that how I was raised isn’t a factor of how I turned out. It thought me discipline and home training.

But it also thought me that I need to give my children listening hears and try alternative parenting because I know I am still afraid of my father.

I love him but I fear him.

I hope you enjoy this small mirror into my life. Please 🙏 drop a heart and leave comments. Thank you 😊