My Dad

Have you ever seen your teacher outside of school as a kid? They look so weird. They aren't supposed to be getting groceries in their sweatpants! They should be at school making a lesson plan or something. Then you get older and start to realize that everyone you know has a whole life outside your limited understanding of them. I wish I had realized that about my parents before now.

I'm running out of time to get to know my parents and the pressure to take advantage of every moment we have left is prevalent now more than ever. Fresh off of a heart attack, my nearly 80 year old dad scares me on a daily basis. Between his falls, the shaking, the diabetes, and now his heart, I worry about him constantly. There are things only he knows that will die with him and I want to know everything I can while he's here to tell me!

The perfect opportunity to dig in presented itself this weekend when my parents celebrated their 50th anniversary. Some of my siblings and I went out to cook a heart healthy lunch with flowers and a nice card. It was a nice thought but I know the noise and the chaos from the little ones is a bit much at times. He spent the whole time in his comfy chair in his room. It's difficult for him to get comfortable anywhere else. We all took turns going in and chatting with him away from all of the noise.

As my dad, he is like this 2 dimensional character I had built in my head. He likes Star Trek, makes fantastic bacon, and drinks a lot of Diet Coke. I don't want my memory of him to be limited to only what I know now or the image of a bored old man in a chair by the TV. When it was my turn to visit with him I simply asked "Tell me 3 stories you've never told me before." After a burdened groan at the thought of the mental challenge, he became a talkative fountain of stories.

Story One

"Well, I know I've told someone this before but I don't know if it was you." Spoiler alert, it was me. I let him go on, however, because I like this story and I wanted to make sure I had all of the details right.

"I worked in a factory of about 20 mechanics for a company that worked on dump trucks. There was a young man who stayed home sick one day. He called to inform us he had come down with Hepatitis. He asked me to tell everyone who had been exposed so they could go get tested. I know how awful hepatitis is. I've had it myself. One of the worst sickness I've ever felt.

So I go to my supervisor and let him know the news. He told me NOT to tell anyone and tried to sweep it under the rug. I didn't think that was right so I went around and told everybody. They fired me that same day. Even though we really needed the money, I didn't regret it. I knew I could find another job but I didn't think what they were asking me to do was right. That was probably about 40 years ago."

Story Two

"I haven't told you a lot of my Navy stories. My buddy and I used to go to this night club in Hong Kong. There was a family that worked there, a man, woman, and little girl. The dad worked in the bathroom. You know, shinning shoes, selling cologne, stuff like that. The wife had booth outside where she sold cigarettes and gum. Then the little girl, probably six or seven, would go around the bar selling gum to the sailors.

My buddy goes over to talk to the woman for a while and when he comes back he says "You would not believe what that woman just asked me... She wanted us to take her daughter home to the US." I was shocked. It just says a lot about how desperate a situation they were in. What were we supposed to do? We were on a crowded aircraft carrier. It's not like we could just stash her on board somewhere."

After a little bit of a pause he looked off with a sorrowful expression and said "Things happen and sometimes you think maybe you should have done something about it."

Story Three

The conversation drifted in a few different directions. Then we got onto the topic of his childhood.

"I do sort of feel like I was cheated out of my first few years of school. See we had this kid in my class that they called Savage Sam. I'm talkin' 1st grade. He was so wild that they couldn't keep him under control but they knew I got along with him so they would use me to keep him occupied. So while the other kids were in the classroom learning, I was playing outside with Savage Sam.

We actually stayed friends for a long time until he punched me in the back and broke his hand. "

The story ended there because all the while my kid was being a bit wild herself. I think about my daughter sometimes and how she will only know my dad for a short period of time. He will live in her head the way he is now, forever. When she gets older I'll pass down these stories so she can know that he stood up for what was right, felt compassion for those around him, and had a freakishly strong back.