My Complicated Life

The story with my dad is for lack of a better word.. complicated. My parents have had a messed up relationship and went through years of struggle just to come to the resolution that I would stay with my mom for the majority of the time, I still see my dad from time to time but our relationship isn't very good and continues to deteriorate as I get older, don't get me wrong, I still would love to have a relationship with my dad but as I get older I learn more about him and my mother's past and it gets harder and harder to trust him and have the bond I see and hear about with other dads and their sons. I've had a difficult life to say the least and I just want everything to be normal, it's been tough but I realize now as I get older that it's turned me into the person I am today and in a way... I'm thankful. My Dad might not have been there for it and he may have had a negative effect, but in a way he's made me the man I am today.

My mom and dad have never gotten along unless it was for me, they've put on facade after facade to keep me happy and it's wearing off, I know how they feel about each other and I'm scared for my future and especially the bonds I have with my family, I'm not super close with my dad and would never talk to him about this because he's too judgmental about anything and everything that has to do with my feelings. My future is the thing on the line and I'm realizing now that life is way too short to do the things that other people want when what you really should be doing is what you want, do what makes you happy and if someone else disagrees? Leave them in the dust with a smile on your face because you will be happier without them.

Through my rambling and endless nights just lost in my thoughts I've realized that even though I don't have a relationship with my dad like most people have with theirs, he's made me who I am and I can't thank him enough but it's not a good thing he did, all he's done is make my life worse but it's made me tougher and it's made me into the man I am today, it's prepared me for the world and even if I don't have a great relationship with him, I sure am thankful that he's made all of those decisions because in the end they allowed me to have the guts and the confidence to stand up for myself and do what makes me happy instead of worrying about what everyone else will think of me and whether or not it will make them happy. The moral of the story is do what makes you happy and allows you to sleep at night, life is too short for you to worry about others when it's your happiness on the line. I'm thankful for my dad's mostly negative influence on my life because it has made me who I am and who I am is someone that isn't afraid to make decisions that might affect someone else negatively because it makes me happy, he's made me confident and strong. All he's done for me is make me a better person in the end, but it's not gonna be better for him, I hope he realizes before it's too late. Make decisions that make you happy, do what makes you happy.. before it's too late to change them.