My Aunt, Sweet Like Honey Lamb Chops

Some people thought she was my mom. We were both light in complexion, thick girls, and always laughing when we were together. Bus she wasn't my mom- she was my mother's only sister, my aunt. And in many ways, she was like a second mother to me.

My aunt passed awy in 2002, before I gave birth to my daughter . The moments she passed. I fell on my stomach. I almost lost my baby. My grandmother said it wasa sign - my aunt was ahuge part of me. A soul so intertwined with mine that her departure was felt in my body.

She believed in me long before I believed in myself.

Whenever I visited her, she'd treat me to honey-glazed lamp chomps. We'd eat together at a small cafe` not far from her workplace laughing at nothing and dreaming big. Each car that passed by'; she'd say, "One day, you'll own that one."

She introduced me to the casino-not to gamble, but to have fun, we went there to feel alive, to escape, to enjoy being together. She taught me how to bake, and in that kitchen of Hers, I learned how love and food could be the same thing.

My aunt had a big heart, The kind that poured into everyone around her. But that same heart- the one that made her unforgettable- was the one that eventually gave in. She died of heart attack. The very heart that kept getting broken by a man who never deserved her love... was the one that stopped.

She hid her pain so well.

And that's something I inherited from her. I love deeply, give all of me, and hide my wounds. I smile even when I'm hurting, and I hold in more than i should.

When she died, my mother fell into a deep depression, losing her only sister broke her. Losing my aunt changed everything in my world.

Sometimes I wonder, if she were still alive how different I'd be. How many more honey-glazed lamp chops we'd share. How many more laughs we'd collect in cafes . She believed in my future- even when if looked blurry. she gave me sweet memories, the kind that linger like a familiar spice.

I wonder what she would say if she saw me today. I think about her laugh, he sass, her joy. I think about how she always cheered me on, even when I didn't ask for it. I miss her voice, her warmth, her belief in me.

Every time I eat lamp chops-especially the honey -glazed ones- I go back to those cafes, to those afternoons of dreaming and smiling. I carry her with me, in every meal i cook, in every dream I chase.

I dream of visiting Paris one day, half of that dream is for her, I want to do more for her, leave that happy simple life she had an idea for, She made me have a big girl confident not allow anyone bully me about being thick, she use say "Mel you are a Princess because of your skin and body love yourself and always know that God loves you more".

She gave me sweet memories, I can still hear her laughter after all of these years, and her big gap between her upper front teeth, I sometimes laugh at myself as I grew older, I developed so many problems with my gums and teeth that I ended up having a similar gap in my front upper teeth, And I'm like blessed is me ,for you to show up in me ,even when you no longer with us physical..

So today, I honour her.

My aunt-sweet, bold, and full of love

Sweet like honey-glazed lamp chops