Mother

As I grew up I was always warned to be prepared for the worst. But, like any other dumb teenager I didn’t listen, 2020 hindsight exists for a reason I guess. When I woke up this morning I didn’t expect for my entire world to start crumbling down. When I left for school that morning I was under the impression that when I got home my family and I would being going out to dinner to celebrate my moms new promotion. Things don’t always go as planned though.

I was walking up the street from the bus stop after school and saw the fire trucks and ambulance speeding past me. I honestly didn’t think anything of it until I noticed they were all stopping in front of my childhood home. The entire home was engulfed in smoke. My heart started racing and my vision started fading out. I felt myself being lifted and placed onto some sort of bed. I opened my eyes to see a paramedic and a fireman looking over me as I was being laid onto a stretcher. My eyes burned from the smoke even though I was nowhere near my home. I climbed off the stretcher ignoring the questions from the paramedic and pushed my way up to my home screaming for my mom and little sister. Hoping I’d see one of their faces or hear their voices. I hoped I’d hear the jingle of the bell on our cats collar or our dog barking and see them running up to me like they do every time I come home. None of that happened though. All I saw were the sad remains of what was once my childhood home. The first responders were standing near the caution tape telling me I wouldn’t be able to retrieve anything from the ashes until after the police have done their search. I just nodded and looked around unable to speak, my lungs and eyes burned and the warm tears have yet to stop rolling down my cheeks.

It’s been a few months since I lost my home and my family. I can’t say that it’s really gotten much easier but it has been slowly getting more manageable over time. The detectives in charge of investigating the fire called me to finally let me collect what was left from the fire. As I walked into the room the detective apologized for the items still being in an evidence bin since they didn’t have anything else to hold it in at the moment. I just nodded and sat the box I brought on the table as I began to move the items into it. I recognizes the now slightly charred, black book that acted as my diary. As I walked out of the station I thanked the detective and walked back out to my car. I threw the box into the passenger seat as I sat behind the wheel and dug out the little black book.

I felt my eyes start to sting as they filled with tears. This was the diary that I kept to write notes back and forth with my mom. Anytime there was something I was to anxious or uncomfortable talking to her about face to face I wrote it in this journal and left it for her. I started to look through the journal when I realized I was almost late for my meeting with the family lawyer to talk about the inheritance I’m supposed to get now that I’m eighteen. I honestly want nothing to do with the money, I just want my family back. I tossed the book into the passenger seat next to the box and drove to the cafe to meet the lawyer.

“So the life insurance policy your mom had is worth $20,000. Now that you’re eighteen you are able to have access to it and it’s in a savings account through your mothers bank. Once you sign these papers I’ll be able to give you the paperwork to take to the bank so you can access it to do as you please.”

I signed all of the paperwork and took the folder with the information I needed to take to the bank and walked across the street back to my car. I decided to order a pizza and just go home for the night since today has been extremely overwhelming. I pulled into my driveway and got my keys ready as I grabbed my purse, the pizza and the box of items left from the fire. I stumbled up the stairs to my front door and almost dropped everything trying to get inside. I finally was able to sit everything down then I grabbed a few slices of pizza and ate before I went to bed.

It’s been a year since the fire. I honestly haven’t been able to bring myself to go through any of the remains until today. I told myself I was finally going to do it. I grabbed the box out of the top shelf in my closet and sat cross legged on the floor and started sorting through everything. There was a small metal jewelry box that had all of my mom’s favorite pieces in it and her weeding band from before my dad passed away when we were kids and my grandmas locket with a picture of her and my grandpa when they were teenagers inside. I put the ring on the necklace chain before putting it on and sitting the jewelry box to the side. Most of the contents were charred family photos, random dog toys from the yard and my little sisters favorite stuffed animal. Every thing smelled like smoke still so I decided to hand wash the stuffed animal so I could put it on my bed. While getting up I accidentally tripped over the box and knocked the pictures out which is when I noticed the black journal I’d seen before. I started reading through the entries and began to cry as I read through my moms responses to them. I came across the final entry from a few days before the fire when I was struggling since it was the anniversary of my dads death and her words that were helpful then are even more helpful now. Her last note to me said, “Be strong, and everything will be okay”.

I heard a knock on my front door and I wiped my face as I walked to go answer it. It was a girl who seemed to be around my age and she handed me a flyer.

“Good afternoon, I’m an aging out volunteer at the foster home downtown. We’re in need of some donations of toiletries, clothes, bedding and a few other items listed. The other teens who are aging out and I decided to volunteer to try to pass out flyers and gather any donations people in town may have. Our contact information is at the bottom if you have any thing you’d like to donate.” I let her know I’d try to collect some things to donate and she thanked me before walking off.

I started going through the closet in my spare bedroom where I kept clothes I don’t wear anymore and I boxed them up. Then I went to the bank to transfer money from the inheritance so I could go buy more of what they needed and put everything in my car. I sat in the store parking lot for a while before I decided to go back to the bank and ask a teller if they could help me use the remaining balance of my inheritance into a check to donate to the foster home. After I finished what I was doing at the bank I contacted the number on the bottom of the flyer and asked if I’d be able to stop by and drop my donations off. I pulled into the parking lot of the foster home and started unloading everything and taking it inside. Seeing the smiles on all the peoples faces made me feel so amazing. I haven’t felt this happy since the accident and seeing others be happy is just making everything seem worth it.