Lost and Found

My grandmother, (my mimi) had been like a mother to me, always taking in my sister and I, when my mentally ill mother was hospitalized. Now my nine year old mind couldn't accept that she had supposedly died of a sudden heart attack. Surely they were lying. "Surely this was just a bad dream", I thought. As the reality sank in that she was really gone, memories flooded my young mind, of all the good times we'd spent together. I began to contemplate the new uncertainties in my life, I felt abandoned by the only person who loved and cherished me. My mother was emotionally unavailable and self absorbed. My father had left before I could remember, and grandpa (my pipi) died before mimi, when I was three. "Where will I go when mom gets sick again? Who will I play card games with me, teach me calligraphy, and listen to how my day went?," I thought, already feeling the loneliness setting in, as I didn't have many friends in our secluded area.

The next morning, with a heavy heart, I went outside the log cabin where we lived, carrying my finch cage, so I could clean it. She had gifted two finches to me just the week before, a white male named Salt, and a gray female named Pepper. It was sunny and warm that day, in the California mountains. I was enjoying the fluttering, light chirpy noises that the little birds made, as I realized Pepper was escaping! I hurried to close the cage before Salt could also escape. Pepper flew to the nearby bush. I walked over slowly to see if I could catch her. As I drew closer, she kept flying just out of my reach. I followed her deeper, and deeper into the wooded area behind our home. I started to become worried that I was now lost. I just had to catch this little finch that my mimi had gifted to me before she passed away. The birds just meant so much more to me now. As I began to cry, I started thinking, that I may not be able to catch her. Exhausted from the chase, I sat down on a tree stump. I contemplated how my life was going to change, now that my mimi has passed. I pictured her face the day she gave me the finches, and how happy she was to see me so happy.

Just then, I heard a faint voice say my name. I recognized the voice, it was my mimi's voice. "Where are you?" I called out. As I moved closer to the direction of the voice, Pepper landed right on my wrist. I held it up to my eye level, as it stayed perched on my wrist. "There you are!" I said. I did not try to cup, or capture the her. Instead I was intrigued by my grandmother's voice.

I spotted a small, wooden, three sided structure, nearly hidden by thick, green ivy. Again, I run away, knowing that my mimi is gone. But the part of me that wanted to trust the voice, was still in denial. I mustered up the courage to peek around to see inside the open side of the small wooden shed. There inside, was a big, beautiful, white, majestic, barn owl. Again, I heard my name. This time I realized that its the owl who has my mimi's voice, and who is calling my name. "Are you speaking to me?" I said. "Yes", she said. "I've summoned the finch to guide you here, because I need to speak to you", the owl said, in mimi's voice. I was both scared and elated at the same time. I was scared because this seemed both unusual, and bizarre. I was also elated, because it felt like mimi was here in the owl now, and not really dead. I had so many questions, but I managed to avoid interrupting the owl, as she continued to speak to me. "I have loved you from the very moment you were conceived. Every day I've watched you from the moment you were born, with pride and adoration, as you've developed into the very thoughtful, caring, smart and determined young girl you are today." I thought to myself, "Its her! Its really her!" She continued, "I've come to you because, when I made my transition a long held, family secret was revealed to me. It was imperative that you be informed at once that our native ancestry has blessed you with an undeniable power. It is time for you to realize my dear child, that you are a creator, and that you hold the power to make anything your heart desires, a reality. Just like the ones before us, the code is written in our DNA. Upon this revelation to me, I was able to will my memory into the body of this owl, that was nearby when my transition was imminent. You too hold the secret light, that is destined to change the world."

That was my first meeting with the barn owl, who was now somehow the essence of my mimi too. That day, I never got ask any questions before she flew away. I returned home with my finch still riding on my wrist. Mom was worried at the length of time I had been gone. I tried to tell her that mimi was a barn owl now. She insisted that I need to accept the truth of her death. I went to sleep that night wondering if I'd ever see the owl ever again, or if I was really just in denial?

I wanted to go back to the shed, but the whole week was a blur of friends, family, food and a funeral to bury mimi's old body. I could hardly be sad, since I knew she was an owl now. I heard the murmurs of family members saying, they thought 'I'd be taking it a lot harder'. They'd heard my owl story too, so some thought I might be headed towards mental illness like my mom.

Finally, I was able to return to the shed, where I'd visited with the owl just last week. To my relief, she was there waiting for me. "Thank goodness your here, I was starting to believe the rumors, that I might be crazy. I need to ask, what this whole 'light to the world' thing is about? How am I supposed to deliver light to the world, while being so secluded? And, why can't you just come home, and tell everyone your an owl now?", I said. The owl laughed with my mimi's laugh, and said, "you are the only one who can hear me, because we share a special bond. In fact, if you listen with the very core of your inner being, I am there, and you can hear my voice, and my guidance always. When you care for the animals, the birds and the vegetation, that is your light. The love you emit to them, is the same love you will take with you into the world, as you grow up and take your place as a light worker. A lamp that shines the light on justice, equality, and unity so that all may awaken to the truth that we are all connected, and we are all creators of our own reality and beliefs."

After that meeting I only seen the owl at pivotal times in my life. Like the day I graduated, the day I was married, the day I had each of my 3 children, and every time I loose hope. She was right, I could always feel and hear her loving guidance and presence throughout my life, coming from within my own soul. She never had to speak through the owl again, but seeing her owl figure at the brightest moments in my life comforted me, just knowing she was there. I could hear her pride and her love coming from within my own being, every step of the way.

I hope that when I make my own transition some day, we can fly together, and watch over the future generations, giving them comfort, and helping them shine their light.