Losing the role of Mother

Several years ago, I made a decision that ruined my life for what it seems like is a lifetime. I was living in an apartment with my three young children and my fiance for a long time but that was all going to change. My fiance ended up getting a DUI and having to go to jail for a long time. Now either I could remain in the apartment and make it work somehow with my girls and I or move back in with my parents. My mom thought it was pointless to live alone with the girls when I could just move back in with them and have "help". I have mental health issues and chronic pain so I could use the extra help I thought... I was going through different medicines trying to figure out the right combinations and wasn't having a lot of luck. So I moved in.

Moving in felt good at first. Than I started to realize things like my mom over stepping her boundaries constantly. Now, I was brought up by two parents who believed in corporal punishment. Just the idea of my parents parenting my children made me sick. I moved in for support, for extra hands, extra eyes. Help me get stable and on my feet. What happened instead was my mom kept pushing and overstepping her boundaries to the point where my children viewed her as main caregiver, main rule maker. Which left me to become there forth child. How I let this happen sickened me it was to late. I was getting punished by my parents, yelled at by my children like I was there sister, being told how to behave, act, say. My parents held meetings behind my back with my children it got so bad that my children believed I was not intelligent to be there mother anymore. I was to dumb to take care of them so there grandparents had to step up and do it. This was not so.

I am very intelligent but seeing I was on lots of medication, didn't have much money and was leaning on my parents like I was there forth child did not disprove my children's theory's and how they now viewed the house hold dynamics. My children did not respect me, they did not listen to the things I asked them to do unless it was approved by my parents already. The day I asked my mom to step down was the worst day ever. She became very shady and started treating me like I was crazy. When I asked the dr to take me off some medicine so I could be my children's mother now that made my mom very angry and she started to treat me like I was an idiot and was going insane. She made my children and siblings believe this as well. I had no one. Anyone who thought I was fine was told by my parents I was insane and needed to go away. Its never ending.

I had to leave my children with my parents and be homeless in order to get a place to live and get my children back except its been years and I still have no control. My children still listen to there grandmother and grandfather before me. If grammy doesn't like something at her house it doesn't happen at my house. If grammy says I cant do homework with my girls because I don't really care about learning and I really don't remember 1st grade homework. My mother still controls my children and my mind after being out of that house for a year. I am no longer the forth child although my children still treat me as so. I am trying to gain my kids back a day at a time but its hard when no one believes you can.

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