Living with a toxic parent

The world is a crazy place right. We are in the middle of a worldwide pandemic. The US in gearing up for elections. There is so much negativity and hate going around. It’s hard to stay positive and be positive when there’s so much hatred and negativity. In some cases it’s not only in the world but around you in your immediate environment.

I’ve been going through changes. Since the start of the pandemic I’ve been internalizing and dealing with my traumatic upbringing. Yeah it’s uncomfortable and depessing but you have to go through all the pain to heal correctly. I currently still live with my mother I am 23. I am a broke college student who according to the government is still dependent on my head of household single mother.

I love my mom but she is the most toxic person I’ve ever met. She is narcissistic and shows no affection. She has always been this way for as long as I can remember. These toxic behaviors slowly trickled down on me and I didn’t realize it until years later. My mother’s parenting skills and the way she made me perceive the world is not ok.

Just because she doesn’t trust and she doesn’t like certain things doesn’t mean I can’t trust or like things she doesn’t. For so long she had me fooled, now that I am becoming older and becoming my own self I am forming my own opinions. I am working to break through generational curses and not be anything like my parents. I am my own person and it’s hard for parents to accept that their children like and want things they don’t, I get it. But what is unacceptable is if a parent is so emotionally abusive and toxic for so long that the whole relationship is never the same.

I try to tell her how I feel but she always manipulates situations and tries to make me feel bad. I am going to start setting boundaries like distancing myself and not being around her so much. It’s hard to distance myself from her when I live with her and I work with her at our family business. I take days off so I can have peace of mind at home without her there.

She is suffocating by constantly being around. I wish I could move out but it’s hard with barely any money and the country is in shambles. For anyone reading this in a similar situation, please have hope and a whole lot of strength. It is hard but you’ll make it through. Your feelings are valid, you matter even if your parents aren’t on your side. Sometimes its hard to deal with toxic parents, you can’t choose family but what you can choose is your own happiness and you can choose how to create happiness even in the darkest of places.

Start by standing up for yourself and your emotions because they are valid.

Create healthy loving friendships and relationships, try to be as positive and loving as possible.

Don’t try to change parents toxic behaviors just let them be hopefully one day they will see the fault in their actions and words. It’s not your responsibility to make them realize they fucked up.

Be kind to yourself, show yourself the love your parent(s) should of given you. Buy yourself things that feel nostalgic and bring joy. Do things that you enjoy even if people thinks it’s unusual/weird.

Just always love yourself.

Work on unlearning bad habits you were conditioned to form due to toxic parents input/behaviors.

Eventually everything will get better I know it will. It’s hard right now but if I keep faith and all those who are reading keep faith in their individual situations we will all get through this with positivity.