Live, when you are alive

It appeared as if it was just yesterday when the whole thing happened. A wave of an uncontrollable force smashed and took everything out in a minute. A minute that tumbled her life and vaporized her in such a speed that nothing else mattered, just survival. Survival for her elderly mother, daughter and more than anything else - her son.

Her son is now at 7 years, an age everybody loves to play, go to school, enjoy and make others enjoy his presence. Unfortunately, Sandeep, her son was climbing and crawling up the pillar.

It all happened on that fateful day, Dec 22, 2015. The longest night in the year. Vandana couldn’t wake up after that night.

It was all normal and happy when she left her mother’s place with her children and husband. They left a bit early so that it would be an easy drive and can reach their favorite eating spot 100 kms away and be there on time for a lovely dinner. The kids love the food and aroma and the ambience. So it was a joy ride and a good food, rest for some time and then sleep for the kids in the car.

Ashok, vandana’s husband as usual was driving and never complained of sleep or tiredness. He was used to this driving and always drove in the night. Sandeep was always in the front, never gave an opportunity for his sister to sit in the front. It was like a men’s zone in the front and women’s zone in the rear.

Another 300 kms to her home, may be another break after 2 hours would be good, she thought. The road appeared to be free and fast. It was a long weekend and may be most of the families who travelled would return back tomorrow. So, today was fun to drive. The car was driving around 100 to 110 KMs speed, not too fast. She had seen smaller cars and buses zoom past her car with much higher speed than hers… Ashok never had the motivation to rev up his speed. He was always a safety man. Never wanted to take risk when his kids drove with them.

It was almost an hour and she felt the pinch of laziness to sleep. Her daughter was already sleeping and she too felt the need to stretch fully in the back seat. She slowly moved her daughter to one side and in the small space left, squeezed herself fully stretching on the seat. She didn’t know when she slept and appeared to be a very smooth ride and may reach the next spot for rest early.

All of a sudden, the car came to a screeching halt. Vandana and her daughter were thrown below the seat and something fell on them. It appeared something terrible has happened. She tried pushing that piece of some stuff that fell on her and tried getting up. But couldn’t. She tried calling Ashok to pull her out. There was no answer. She called him again. But he didn’t respond. She thought is she alive? Is my voice being heard outside? Is Ashok able to hear her?

Her daughter too as awake. She was crying with pain. Vandana pulled her closer to her and with a heavy push moved that stuff covering both of them. It was the seat, broken and crushed onto the rear seat. She kept calling Ashok and Sandeep. But no answer. She slowly moved up and it was complete dark. Looks like it was an accident. May be their car hit something.

She slowly moved out of the gap she could create and moved up. The next sight in the front was the most horrific she has ever had. It appeared to be iron rods. Two, three, four or more… have gone straight into ashok’s head and face and some protruded out. It was complete silence from him. He didn’t move a bit. It appeared he is gone. Where is Sandeep? She moved hurriedly in search of the boy. Fortunately she could spot him, crashed onto the dashboard, some glass pieces poked into his face and head. He was moving, with pain and throbbing pain. Blood was all over him. It was one of the terrible sights she could lay her eyes on, on the dearest life on earth.

She used all her force to squeeze her body out of the broken glass and pulled her daughter through the glass. Put her on the side of the road, so that no other vehicle will hit her. She moved to the front, tried opening the door, but didn’t. She looked out for help. There was nobody. There was a lorry standing in front of their car and loaded with iron rods, sharp iron rods.

Ashok was blinded with high beam lights and could’ve crashed into this lorry which was parked there for unknown reasons. The rods have broken the glass and pierced through ashok’s head. Fortunately she and her daughter were lying on the rear seat and saved from meeting the same fate as Ashok. Sandeep has crashed to the dashboard and the broken wind shield and other glasses have pierced through him.

She screamed for help. There were cars passing by, but none stopped. It was another accident for most of them. She ran fast and moved her daughter to another place so that she is not rolling back to the road. Ran back to the car and squeezed past the broken glass and pulled her son out. He wasn’t coming out. May be his legs were stuck or crashed or cut… it was blood all over.

She doesn’t know where she got all the force she had, she kicked all the glass pieces, squeezed past the front windshield and got hold of the legs of Sandeep. It has gone and crashed under the gear box and lever. She put her hand on his legs and pulled it out with as much force as possible. Fortunately, it came out and she was able to hold onto her son and take him to the side of the road. She put him next to his daughter. By now, the daughter had got conscious and she was trying to get up and sit. She was asking for water and was screaming in fear.

Vandana held her tightly to her and said “Pl help me. Don’t cry. We have to get away from here and save Sandeep. Pl. dear”… Vandana’s eyes were filled with tears and blood. Two kids lying at the side of the road, blood all over them and she has to pull out the third one now. Yes, the third one – may not be alive, may be dead. Ashok would’ve been dead … what can she do to save the other two kids she has pulled out and lying on the sides of the road…

By now, 3 to 4 cars have parked on the side and came closer to the car and started helping, standing next to the kids and some tried pulling out Ashok. He was not moving. Three to 4 people slowly pulled the car back. Two of the rods slowly came out of his head, but there were few more. Vandana could see these. She started crying now. Tears rolled down, but deep inside her mind something was striking her loudly, she has to save her son, immediately. To save her son, she has to either leave Ashok like that or get him out of those rods and put him into a vehicle along with Sandeep and her daughter and rush to a hospital. There were no signs of an ambulance. Some people were trying to call an ambulance and one of them managed to talk to the driver. Looks like an ambulance would come any time now.

The wait was too heavy. Every second was like a wave thrashing the hopes of having her son alive. The thought of losing a dear one and already lost another dear one was very scary.

People were trying to help her. One of the women sat next to vandana and put her daughter on her lap. It was definitely comforting. Sandeep was on her lap, with blood still oozing out. When would the ambulance come… why is it taking so much time? Her mind was only thinking of saving Sandeep. She need to save him. She cannot think of losing him …

Some of the men were still trying to pull Ashok from the rods and the crash. They somehow got him out of the car and the rods, pulled him to the side of the road and poured some water on him. Vandana was praying if he would shiver sensing the drops of the water. How wonderful it would be… she can do anything to see him alive. They kept pouring water, but no signs of any movement. Looks like it was all over.

One thought that was still pounding her was to save Sandeep. She was tirelessly looking for the ambulance. Where is the ambulance… why is it taking so much time to come. She ran to one of the car owner who was helping and pleaded him to take her son to the hospital. He stood still without knowing how to react. His family was sitting in the car and she could see his mother and wife calling him and she guessed that they may not allow him to carry the blood stained Sandeep…

She was still waiting for the ambulance.. there were no thoughts in her mind. Its all blank but one thought to save her son... by any cost.

Somebody came running from far and said the ambulance has arrived. It was like all the happiness poured on her suddenly. She wanted to check if Sandeep is still breathing.. thankfully he was, still wreathing in pain.

The ambulance people were good. They immediately moved Sandeep and her daughter into the ambulance. There were some immediate treatment that was done… Ashok was pulled like a bundle, wrapped inside a cloth and stuffed into the ambulance… the door was closed and vandana and her daughter sat next to Sandeep, who was breathing like his last and Ashok, who has breathed his last and passed away.

The family was left to themselves and nobody else accompanied them. A sense of heaviness slowly crept into vandana and she slowly started realizing that her husband is no more. No more to support her, stand beside her and be there rock solid in every tough situation she had. No more Ashok and its going to be she, she alone who would need to be strong and solid for her two kids… nobody is going to be there for her.

Many thoughts came and stayed with her. What will I do now for the medical expenses of my son? Her husband’s company only provided few lakhs health insurance. Now this may cost lot more. She knew he was talking to another insurance company for a complete family health insurance. He has not taken that she know. Why didn’t he show any urgency? What will she do? Is there any way Ashok can wake up now or somebody can bring him back to life? Why didn’t they realize the urgency of a family medical insurance with a higher amount? How stupid they have been…. All thoughts made her feel very fragile.

Her daughter was holding her tightly and unable to react to such a situation. She moved still closer to her mother and in a pale voice asked her “Is papa dead mummy?”. She couldn’t reply, but tightly held her and slowly started weeping. All she can say was “Don’t worry dear, pl. I am there. I will take care of everything”.

She was determined to stand up and handle this boldly. She desperately wanted to save her son now. She felt she cannot lose one more life in her home. She was praying and pleading for reaching the hospital now. The road was free, however it appeared the ambulance is not going as fast as her heart was beating for. She pleaded the driver to go fast… he nodded and appeared to increase the speed. However, she felt it is still slow. Why don’t people understand how critical is for her to save this kid…

After 20 minutes of travel, the ambulance reached a hospital. Nobody was there. It was all dark and a single light was glowing at the corner of the veranda. She got more scared. Would there be a doctor to take care…. Would they help save her son. “Oh god… pl. pl. help. I will do anything to see a doctor now and give him my son and keep him alive”.

The ambulance stopped and the driver ran to talk to somebody inside. After 3 to 4 minutes, another man came out and saw the ambulance and asked the driver to reverse the vehicle and park it in a different direction. Oh my god !!!

The driver got into the vehicle and reversed the vehicle and took a left turn and then parked it in the direction that the other man wanted. Now the man opened the door and saw all of us inside. He appeared murmuring to the driver “police case …” and went inside. Gosh. What is happening? Why are people not showing any urgency?

Vandana ran inside the hospital, leaving all the three – one dead and two alive, and looked for somebody who can help her to bring a stretcher. She got sight of the man who came out and ran towards him. Pleaded him to bring a stretcher and take his son inside. The man was still slow. He went inside, took few minutes and came back with a stretcher. Two nurses appeared along with him and it is hearting to see them. They must have slept just now for few minutes and this man would’ve woken them up. They still showed a sense of urgency. They rushed to the ambulance and asked what happened. Vandana briefly said “Accident on the road, pl. save my son. Pl take him inside first”.

Nurses and the man took him and put him on the stretcher. Blood was all over him. She didn’t know if he is still alive. One of the nurses sensed that and put her hand on vandana’s shoulder, pressed her and said “ He is alive. Pl. pray god. I am going to call the doctor now”.

Nurses took him inside the emergency ward and asked her to stay out. Then did she realize that she had left her daughter alone inside the ambulance with her husband’s dead body. Oh my god…

She ran back to the veranda. The ambulance was not there. Oh god, what is happening to me? She ran into the hospital reception asking for the ambulance. By now, there was a nurse who had woken up and was sitting there. Vandana was crying and muttering about the ambulance. Suddenly she heard a noise and turned back and could see her daughter at the corner of a bench. Weeping hard, her eyes were full of fright. She appeared very scary. Gosh. What is happening to her? Vandana started losing her confidence and picked her in her hands, embraced her and ran back into the emergency ward. The screens around her son’s bed were still closed. What is happening… is he still alive, has the doctor come?

She didn’t have the courage to open the screen and see. There were two nurses walking fast past her. She followed them and started crying. One of the nurse came closer to her, removed her daughter from vandana, gave it to another nurse and took her into the closed screens. There was a doctor, thankfully. He was fully concentrating on Sandeep. Giving instructions for medicines and other procedures. He appeared to be good. Vandana was ready to put her entire trust on him to get back Sandeep. Sandeep didn’t show any movement.

One of the nurses showed signs to vandana to wait outside. Her daughter came running when she came out of the screens. He took her in her arms and hugged her and went and sat on the stool next to the doctors table.

How am I going to manage this alone? She was thinking whom she should call for help. Who is there for her?

An old mother of her, will be totally devastated when she hears this. Sandeep was the only source of happiness for her. She had put all her love and faith on him. After her father’s sudden death due to cancer, vandana had tried to get her mother and stay with her many many times. But all attempts failed. More than anything else, elderly people need freedom. Freedom to do what they want, freedom to eat or sleep when they want. Somebody in the same language to talk to them, somebody to listen to them without cutting off them. Vandana’s home in Bangalore had nobody who her mother could befriend. All her trips to Bangalore were short trips, a maximum of 30 days. She will have some reasons to go back – pay electricity bill, pay house tax, clean the house, relative’s marriage. She will find some reason.

Waking her up and informing her now… how will it help? She will be devastated. She would need somebody to bring her here…

Who else is there to call? Ashok’s parents! Its been two years since she had spoken to them. There were some issues Ashok had with his father. That got aggravated and it has been silence till then. Ashok was planning to go home and request forgiveness from his father and mother during summer holidays. Its four months from now. Ashok could’ve atleast called and spoken to his father. What ego? Now everything is gone.

Vandana decided to call them now and inform. It would be important to inform them. Whether they comfort her or not, it is their son and grandson and they need to be knowing this.

Gosh! Where is ashok’s body… it was in the ambulance. But where is the ambulance? She came out asking for the ambulance. The sister in the reception didn’t know about it. She came outside and searched all over the place. The ambulance was not to be there.

She ran to the security room. The man was sleeping. The gate was locked. She woke him up and asked about the ambulance. The security’s reply made vandana come down her knees. “There was another accident and the ambulance has to go. The driver has pulled out Ashok’s body and put it on one of the concrete chair next to a tree”.

Vandana could see the body. She slowly walked to the body and stood still.

What a night this has been… a dead husband, lying outside in a bench, a son - doesn’t know if he would be alive or not, and a daughter who is completely shattered and above all, nobody to reach out to for any help. She stood still and slowly collapsed on the floor.

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It should’ve been few hours when she woke up in the hospital bed. Ashok’s parents and some of vandana’s friends and relative were there. Somebody should have checked the phones or bag and called all of them. Vandana couldn’t still see her mother. Somebody said, she is on the way and her relative is bringing her here.

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Few months have passed and she has taken a separate house along with her mother and staying with both the kids. Sandeep survived, but had to be operated upon several times. Something would’ve gone terribly wrong on that night in him and he has gone into a mental state where he has been behaving abnormally. He suddenly falls to the floor, crawls, screams and tend to climb up the pillar…

Continuous treatment and prayers are making him slowly recover. There is still hope. Vandana has gone back to work and her mother takes care of both the kids.

Occasionally, vandana gets a glimpse of joy whenever her memory goes back to the good old days when all the four were happy and together. Life is just a memory. Save them and nurture them when you are alive…