Life

This thing called life is really starting to get out of hand. I didn't expect shit to get real like this. At the age of 22, I found myself being a pregnant college drop out. Nowhere near close to my goals. Forcing myself to move back home from Atlanta with no degree and a baby on the way and in a relationship with someone that 10 years older than me. Talking bout being unprepared for something I felt way behind the curve of everything. When I moved back home I was 3 months pregnant jobless and moneyless. I left the father back in Atlanta who was to arrive shortly before the baby was to be born. I was sleeping in the room with my grandmother. I started looking for jobs but who wants to hire a pregnant woman. I finally got a job as a homecare worker taking care of the disabled which was cool except for the fact that I didn't have a car. So now I had to catch the bus and walk to places that I needed to go to. Not only that but I also now had to go to doctor's appointments by myself. I was at an all-time low. Let me fast forward this story. Two months later the father of my child moved to my hometown so we can be a "family". Now it's me and him living in my grandmother's second bedroom of her two-bedroom townhome with my cousins living with her as well. It's me and him and a house full of people. Two months after that we give birth to a beautiful baby girl two weeks EARLY. (I still blame him for kick-starting my labor because wasn't due for another two weeks.) This was unbelievable because I thought I was going to be pregnant forever. (that and because my family scared me from wanting to give birth. They always had some slick shit to say. "oh, that baby is going to rip you apart," "OH, they gone have to cut that baby out" like way to give my labor anxiety.) Now it's me, him and our baby cramped into this small ass room. Fast forward a month later it's my birthday and I'm depressed. I have no job, no car no place of my own but I have a baby. This shit was stressing me out. Not only that my boobs were constantly hurting which made me feel like my chest was to explode and milk was going to be everywhere. I was the biggest I have ever been in my life. I went from a size 2 to a 10 in the blink of an eye. I couldn't put on anything sexy to save my life. (shit, I still can't. "this pregnancy shit ruined my body forever") Now I and my grandmother has a fight and I leave in the middle of the night with my newborn baby and her father with nowhere to go really. (I know people think why don't you go to your parents for help. Welp, my dad died when I was 9. Sad I know right? and my mom well we can't get along for anything and she believes I was supposed to wait and have kids in my old age, as well as her and the father of my baby, don't get along.) Thank God for my cousin's having their own apartment. We spent a month there sleeping on the floor. Then I finally swallowed my pride and went back to my grandmother's. After returning to my grandmothers, both of us found jobs. And that's when the grind became real. My grandmother tried to charge us $1200 to stay in her spare bedroom that she wanted to go through whenever she felt like it. So we had to come up with a plan. Why pay $1200 to stay in a spare bedroom when you can pay rent somewhere and have your own. On the 1st of the next month we had found a place and were preparing to move. This was only the beginning of this journey of life for me.