Krushing the Kardashians

Keeping Up with the Kardashians has been on for well over a decade so I’m definitely not alone in this “guilty pleasure.” Even though I've seen every episode of every different show, I've only re-watched certain episodes (mostly Khloe's wedding... I'll always be a little sad that didn't work out), but with all the recent time available to me I gave myself a challenge.

Watch every single episode, of every different show, in chronological order.

That means between seasons of the main show, there were viewings of Kourtney & Khloe Take Miami, Kourtney & Kim Take Miami, Khloe & Lamar, Kourtney & Kim Take New York (aka the Kris Humphries era), Kourtney & Khloe Take the Hamptons, Dash Dolls, I Am Cait, Rob & Chyna, and Life of Kylie. You know, listing them all out and thinking about the hours involved is actually making feel some guilt about my life choices...

But, apart from the hours of my life spent on this venture (while multi-tasking on other things, I promise) I noticed a few things that had escaped me in originally watching the shows and also seeing how the central trio of women have evolved.

Khloe is not the hero.

From the very first episode, Khloe was a scene-stealer. She was out-spoken, a little rude but often right, and absolutely hilarious. She used a lot of language that would not be allowed on TV today because it's offensive. And it's interesting that no one has really brought it up again to ask them if they cringe when they look back on some of those old statements. Even in recent storylines, Khloe's language can be mysogynistic as she's happy to take her anger out on women instead of the men who cheat on her or her sister.

It's also crazy how much she was criticized for her body in those pre-divorce years. Her arms and legs were always tiny, and she's half a foot taller than the rest of her family. She was gorgeous and constantly either being called or calling herself "fat". Her popularity (or "Q ratings") have always been steady compared to her other family members, because she's funny and always seemed to have her priorities straight.

As her marriage fell apart she threw herself into exercising and she looked great! But then she became obsessed with it. As she got pregnant, you could see her struggling with gaining weight. And I'm not talking about the contrived plot of her mom over-feeding her on pasta and peppers. Every comment before, during, and after her pregnancy was about eating too much, needing to work out more, how she can't enjoy food the way that her sisters can, etc. It's disheartening and while she dismisses the effects that these statements or the products she and her sisters sell have on body positivity, it is something she'll have to reckon within herself eventually.

Kim is the greatest glow up for reasons that have nothing to do with looks.

The reason there ever was a show is because of Kim. But at the beginning she was the worst part of the show! By far! It wasn't until the Kris Humphries saga that Kim stepped it up in terms of storylines. Initially, this was just because it was so obvious she was caught up in fame and it was going to fall apart.

But then you watch the episodes where it actually falls apart in season two of Kourtney & Kim Take New York and realize that Kris really spoke horribly to her and it was much worse than simply a rushed wedding. Kim might have started off as a model and reality star, but you could tell how seriously she took it. She wouldn't really start thinking long-term until she met Kanye and could see what her options were, but the drive was there. And Kris was trying to shut it down a lot. It's not all on him, but it's definitely hard to watch.

That divorce changed Kim. She actually appeared to learn a lesson and when she got with Kanye, she was more protective of the relationship.

I know they're having issues (according to tabloid rumors and upsetting tweets from Kanye a few months ago), but it was clear why they worked and have worked. Kim has complete respect for Kanye's creative skills and for years she's been belittled as "famous for being famous", so she seemed open to listening to him for guidance in how to push herself creatively. Kim is a pro at marketing/social media, and when Kanye gets into trouble, you can see her mind jumping into action about how she can help change the narrative so her husband isn't "misrepresented". She'd be an amazing PR exec in another life.

The relationship with Kanye gave her confidence and the respect of people who had ignored her for so long. And now, she's arguably learned everything she can from him. Which is why she was getting a law degree to use her influence to help others. Which is why Kanye announced his presidential run to prove he was just as good, even better than her and her accomplishments. She's been following his lead for years and he's not ready to follow hers. It's interesting to watch, but probably not fun to live through on TV.

Kourtney is the actual star of the show and everyone owes her an apology.

Kourtney never wanted to be on this show and she's had more upsetting moments than positive ones on camera.

What has always been interesting to me about the success of the show is, even though the family claimed they agreed to "keep it real" when they signed up for the show... pretty much every episode of every show includes at least one contrived plotline. Because people actually aren't watching for the bullsh*t stories. People are watching because they love the camaraderie between the sisters! But early on there wasn't any drama to use until Khloe had a fast wedding and Kourtney got pregnant. The former, people were rooting for, and the latter came with a lot of hate towards boyfriend Scott Disick.

For over a decade, the Kourtney and Scott saga has played out on camera. It must be incredibly difficult to actually break up with a person when the world is watching and people don't want to date someone where they could receive the same scrutiny. No wonder they kept going back to one another.

And when you see how much the sisters remind Kourtney how little support she has, it's actually cruel. Every episode has to have an arc that closes in 22 minutes (until the show expanded to a full hour-long). So every episode starts with the family not supporting Kourtney in her choices... and then by the end of it they're claiming they do, only for it to restart again.

And then when Kim and Khloe have relationships that are falling apart, they either don't have to show all of it (Kim) which is what Kourtney had wanted to do, or they keep going back to the guy and expect family support (Khloe).

When Kourtney finally left the show, Kim and Khloe struggled to carry it and the show had very little depth to it. Audiences were begging for the behind-the-scenes drama because they knew that was the good stuff, the real stuff! And when Kourtney came back she was like a superhero! Always smiling, always a nice reprieve from whatever fake story everyone else was selling.

And now they're getting a new batch of shows on Hulu while advertising how sad they are this one is "ending". And I'm left thinking, take a break! Focus on what you really want! You have plenty going on that you already weren't showing us!

I'm the second of six siblings. I was the first to really move away from everyone as I settled in Los Angeles as the rest of the family has largely been on the east coast until a few years ago. I hate the planned/forced episodic plots, but the two minutes at the start of every episode are perfection!

Just a bunch of siblings messing with eachother and being silly or laughing at/with one another. It's equal parts aspirational and nostalgic. An expensive version of what my family is like when we're all together and grateful for those moments that we have of our own.

This family has some issues still to work out and a lot of dysfunction, but they were also a spot of joy, escape, and nostalgia in a time where those feelings are much needed.