Kids Aren’t Bad, They’re Growing

When I was a child, I once broke a vase while running around the house. My mom sighed loudly, scolded me, and said I was being a “bad kid.” But my grandma, who had been quietly watching from the corner of the room, said something I’ve never forgotten. She gently placed her hand on my shoulder and said, “He’s not bad — he’s just growing.”

That one sentence, that tiny moment of understanding, planted a seed in me that would grow for years.

Children are often judged by their behavior. Crying in public? Rude. Can’t sit still? Disrespectful. Won’t share toys? Selfish. But what if all of these behaviors aren’t signs of being bad — but signs of learning?

My grandma understood this long before brain science caught up. She raised five kids and saw patterns most parents miss. She didn’t expect her children or grandchildren to act like adults. She expected us to act like children — messy, loud, curious, and emotional.

Children don’t yet know how to manage their feelings. Their brains are still wiring up connections that help them handle frustration, disappointment, and overstimulation. What seems like “bad behavior” is often a brain in progress — a child overwhelmed by a big emotion or new experience.

For example, when a toddler throws a tantrum at the grocery store, they’re not trying to ruin your day. Their brains literally don’t yet have the wiring to handle “no” with calm acceptance. Instead, they burst. But with time, repetition, and guidance — not punishment — they’ll learn.

Grandma never punished emotions. She let us cry, talk, even shout — as long as no one got hurt. She knew that feelings need expression, not suppression. I remember once hiding under the table after a fight with my cousin. Instead of yelling at me, she slid a cookie across the floor and said softly, “Come out when you're ready.” That was her way — patience, not punishment.

Modern brain research proves she was right. Neuroscientists now tell us that children’s prefrontal cortex — the part of the brain responsible for reasoning, impulse control, and emotional regulation — doesn’t fully develop until around age 25. That means a five-year-old’s outburst isn’t a choice. It’s a lack of development.

And when we label a child as “bad,” they often internalize it. The more they hear it, the more they believe it. Eventually, they stop trying to be understood and start acting the role they think they were born to play.

Instead of punishing, we should be connecting.

Instead of scolding, we should be guiding.

Instead of labeling, we should be listening.

Of course, this doesn’t mean we allow all behavior. But discipline doesn’t mean punishment — it means teaching. When we teach children how to express themselves, solve problems, and manage big emotions, we’re helping them grow, not scaring them into silence.

I remember one moment with my own son, who was six at the time. He hit his younger sister out of frustration. I almost shouted, “Why are you so bad?” But I stopped. I remembered Grandma. I took a deep breath and said, “That looked like a big feeling. Let’s talk about it.” He cried. I listened. We solved it together.

Kids are not bad — they’re just growing. They need space to make mistakes, learn boundaries, and feel safe doing it. They’re tiny humans learning how to live in a giant world.

If we could all remember this, the world might be a softer place — not just for children, but for the grown-up children we all still carry inside. .