Joyful Blessings

As the holiday season approaches us, I have so many words that have been laid on my heart and I feel the importance to share them.

This year, we went against our own grain and purchased a fake Christmas tree. Typically, we get a real tree about the second week of December, but I felt the Christmas Spirit hit me sooner this year. However, I fought with myself so much about breaking this tradition, and then I decided that breaking a tradition in order to simply experience the joy of it sooner, well, that's quite all right. Life and the world around us can feel so heavy, so I decided not to fill my heart with more weight than it needed, and we bought the tree from Target this year. It's beautiful, it was easy and quick to assemble, and it filled our daughters' hearts with that Christmas joy.

I tell this story because it's a great representation of how my brain works. Even when there is nothing to worry about, or stress about, I find a way to do just that. Not many would make such a decision about a tree so cumbersome, but you can leave it to me to do so. What struck me the most was that once it was up, and the ambiance illuminated through our living room, I felt nothing worthy of a heart ache. Another thing I was focused on was how tiny our house is right now, as if Christmas decorations would make it feel cluttered and not cozy. Do you see how easy it is to get completely and utterly stuck in the mud puddle of negativity? I sure do. I am choosing differently though this holiday season.

Instead of viewing our small house as just that, I am choosing to be so thankful that we have a home that allows us to be so close and cozy as we decorate for Christmas early this year. I am thankful for the small toy I might step on in our kitchen because without a toy room, we find our girls' toys everywhere. I want to be intentional about my thoughts and feelings, and soak in these memories with my family because time is a thief. I'll sip the hot coco with C on the couch as we watch Polar Express for the thousandth time proudly, and I'll smile big with G when she sees Christmas lights. At the end of the day, despite the madness and sadness, we have a choice to choose joy.

You guys, we have to be kept in the moments. We have to choose better days for ourselves and for our children, even when it seems difficult. Whatever it is that brings you true joy and happiness, DO THAT. If making a pot of coffee warms your heart just as much as the smell warms your kitchen, make it. If it brings you peace to awaken before your children to enjoy that coffee while listening to "Christmas jazz with a cozy coffee shop ambiance" on Youtube (look it up, and thank me later), DO THAT. Make and send the Christmas cards, or simply don't. Don't feel the pressure to do all the things just because it seems like your Facebook feed is doing so. Bake the cookies alone, with your mom, not at all, or buy them from the grocery store. All this to say, we have an option every day when our eyes peel open to see things from a different perspective than the day before. Sometimes it's nice to simply be thankful that we had air to breath today.

The holidays are so hard for many of us, and that is okay, too. I am not writing this to say that you need to put the reindeer antlers on your vehicle and wear jingle bells all day through. You don't have to feel like going to every gathering or routines that make your heart hurt. I personally know what it's like to feel the absence of a loved one so deeply that heaviness of missing them feels like your only focus in the world. I know what it's like to reminisce on memories that seem further away each year. Joyous seasons can feel overwhelming sorrowful for us at times, and it can make you want to be alone for it all. I am here to tell you this...

Regardless of your circumstance, allow good days to recover your bad ones. With every tear that is shed, allow a smile to show too. We have to leave some room in our hearts to experience the happiness as much as, or even more so, we allow it to bear the sadness. Nothing in life is certain, and we never know what our next day could bring. We need to just hold our loved ones so close, and soak it all in.

I am rooting for the ones who are struggling without their loved ones for the first time this holiday season. I am praying for the broken-hearted, and the ones who feel alone. My entire heart is with the families who have to spend their holiday time in a hospital bed/room. I pray for patience and peace for those who have an empty chair at their table this year due to legal reasons. I am hopeful for the families who are separated and confused. I am appreciative for all of you who work on the holidays to help keep the world healthy and safe. My thoughts are with the children who wait patiently for their parent(s) to arrive home from night shift on Christmas morning so they can have a few hours together as a family before the next shift starts. Regardless of the season you are in, I hope you find peace, love, or happiness somewhere along the way as we end this year.

Wishing you all my love and best this Thanksgiving and Christmas.

E