It took a village of mothers...

On January 30th 2018, I lost one of the greatest teachers of my life, my mother, she had past away due to complications after a stroke. You know how we all say how much we love our mothers, I love mine with a passion because of all she had been to me and thaugh me, but just as much I have a great sense of pride when I think of her... Have you ever known someone who everyone you knew or met would say of them “wow! Your mum was so loving and kind, I miss her!” Well that was Victoria, my mum...

Her life was not an easy one, her marriage to my dad was filled with pain emotional and physical, and I would come to see years later that even with so much hurt in her life, her never gave up hope, she always showed love and care for others and very much belived in generosity of the heart. I learnt from mum that while one has breath one must have hope, because it helps you move forward and look to the future. One is never in that pain forever...Mum though me to be strong, but she was not without compassion... she would say to me “ you’re hurting aren’t you sweetheart?, well then it’s okay to cry, let the pain out, and then pick up your shoulders, learn the lesson your supposed to, and move on with a sense of gratitude that you’re alive to know you can now hopefully do better tomorrow !” Her way of thinking has sharped my whole life. It has meant that even after the devastation of her death, even with the whole in my heart the size of an ocean, I am able to pick myself up and move forward. And boy have I had to pick myself up! Right after mums death I was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. But, as it happens I would have more mothers, two more infact. My dad re-married again, twice!

Mum had left dad when I was 7, she had been unwell and was suffering terribly in her marriage to my dad, when it became so dangerous, her two older sisters virtually kidnapped her so she could get away from dad... by the ages of 6 & 7 (my baby sister, a year younger) we were introduced to our first step mum. She was 19 years old....

She must have been terrified! Two your daughters and she was a child herself! But you know what? I don’t ever remember seeing fear in her eyes... She adoured my little sister, but while I never felt much warmth from her myself, even at that young age, I could appreciate her confidence and intelligence. It gave me a sense of security. Not that I knew that at the time, but I knew I could rely on her. She thought us to be strong too, it was different from mummy, to me anyway. There was with her a sense of “don’t let anyone take advantage of you!” Her way of bringing us up was more ‘tough love’. We didn’t have our own mum but we had her, and she thaught us life’s tough lessons! At the time I thought she hated me... I know now she worried that I was too full of emotions... too quite, always away in my head with the things I was afraid of. She would say “ come back to the real world get out of your head there’s nothing to be scared of!!” I am grateful to her. She taught me very much to stand up for myself... Like mum was, she too is a hard worker... and I am so blessed that these two women had instilled in me a positive good work ethic..

Well, there would be another mother and even a girlfriend to join them, as dad, while on a work trip met and fell in love with a nurse... She after less than 6 months became my second step mum.

Over the years my relationship with my dad was one of fear... some love yes (even though he was unkind to my mum while they were married, but definitely I feared him! My second step mum was kind, she was strong too, like my first step mum, I didn’t however see that strenght at first as there was no need for that particular trait, after all dad loved her with a passion. She did teach me a very interesting and much needed thing... how to love my dad, see him as human, with all his faults. I was able now to see him and love him, learning day by day that he could make mistakes, some huge!! But that he did deserve love, he was human. And this lesson was much needed. He is after all my father...

So... as they say it takes a village! My village was a small one yes, absolutely, but these three incredible women I owe a deft of gratitude too!

From mum, I learnt inner strenght and love, compassion and the gift of gratitude... knowing how to stay hopeful even if all about ones self it looked like life was falling apart.

From my first step mum.. over coming fear. Learning to stand tall and been able to mask some of my inner doubts , self reliance!

And my third step mum seeing love for my dad through her eyes... early lesions on relationships, a bit of give and take...

Yes my village that thaugh me some meaningful and very important life lesions was made of three women, I think of them often and always see the hero’s that they are, most especially to me ...