Isn't just great

“Isn’t that just great,” I heard my Grandma say one day. “What’s just great Grandma?” I asked her. “Oh Michael, I did not see you standing there. Nothing is just great actually.” “Then why did you just say what you just said?” I asked, puzzled by her answer. “Well, what I said was more of a question that doesn’t require an answer, and it has to do with this jig saw puzzle I’m working on.”

“Grandma, how can you ask a question without needing an answer?” By then I was even more puzzled and she seemed to consider how to continue before turning to look at me.

“Michael have you ever heard the word rhetorical before?” she asked. “Hmmm, reeetorcal, no Grandma, what’s reetorcal?” “Rhetorical, not reetorcal. It means asking a question without really wanting or needing an answer because it is obvious what that answer would be.”

By now my head was so full of questions I had to sit down next to her and just stare at the puzzle pieces on the table. “You know the answer but ask anyway?” I asked. “And you don’t want no one to answer cuz they know you know. That don’t make sense to me Grandma.” “That doesn’t make sense to you Michael, and I do not want anyone to answer, but I understand why you are confused so I will explain.

“Well let’s see, where do I begin” she said taking off her reading glasses and tugging her left ear. She always tugged her left ear when she had to think about something for a while. “You must have to be thinking pretty hard Grandma, cuz you’re tugging your ear again.” She smiled at me and quickly put her hands on her lap before continuing. “Why I never even give it a thought”, she said.

“Give what a thought Grandma?” I asked. “Why pulling on my ear of course.” she said. “But that don’t make sense Grandma, how can you do something without thinking bout it? Specially when it seems that you really are thinking bout something.” “No, I can see how it doesn’t make sense Michael, but never mind about that. I guess I’ve been tugging my ear for quite some time and it’s a lot like breathing to me now. Just something I do is all. It is the same as you when you stick your tongue out sometimes when you are concentrating.” she said.

“I do not neither stick my tongue out.” I told her becoming just a bit angry. “Why yes you do and be careful of your double negatives young man.” she said squinting at me with a smiley glare. I’ve never seen my Grandma get angry with me, but sometimes she would get that look I called a smiley glare cuz her eyes pinch together but her lips curl up. “Well, yeah sometimes I do, but only when I have to, umm, what did you call it?” “Concentrate.” “Yeah, conkincrate.” “No, con sin trate.” she said. “It means to think really hard about something”. “Con sin trate, consintrate, ok I got it, concentrate. So why are you thinking really hard then Grandma? And what’s a double negative?”

“Why I suppose I am.” she said. And then she smiled at me and started tugging her ear again. “Well just never mind about that. Now where were we?” she asked. “When Grandma?” “When what dear?” “Before we were here I guess?” Now she seemed even more puzzled than I was. But she suddenly started chuckling and even slapped her knee. “Oh I see.” she snorted. “You thought I was being literal when I asked ‘now where were we’, right?”

“Grandma I don’t know what that means being literal. Does it mean like littering?” My thoughts were going round and round inside my head and I still didn’t know what was just great yet. That’s when she started laughing really hard and starting getting tears in her eyes. “Michael you are so funny sometimes.” “Well I’m not trying to be funny so stop laughing at me.” I was getting upset cuz she was being so confusing and I didn’t see anything funny about it.

“Well right you are Michael, but I am not laughing at you, just at thinking how wonderful you are.” But I did not feel so wonderful right then. “So let’s go back to the beginning shall we?” “If that means from when I heard you ask a, um…” “Rhetorical question.” she volunteered. “Yeah that, let’s go back to that.” “Well alrighty then.” she said. “Let’s do just that.”

“So just so I know we are getting to the first question first, you heard me say ‘isn’t that just great’, right?” “Yeah Grandma what’s just great, or isn’t great I mean. Or you were just asking no one cuz you didn’t know I was behind you so it’s not so great then right?” “Very well put Michael, so I suppose I don’t need to answer you then do I?” “GRANDMA, I have no clue what you are saying, and now you’re ready to laugh at me again and I am so confused…” “Now, now, Michael don’t get a thorn in your thumb, just settle down and I’ll explain everything. I promise.” “Grandma I don’t have no thorn in my thumb and I stopped sucking on it when I was just three years old and I’m six now.”

“Yes, I know dear. It’s just an expression people say when trying to calm someone down. But let’s save that for another day okay?” “Well okay, but it seems a silly way to calm someone down when it just made me get more angry cuz I want to know what’s so great. Or not.”

“You are absolutely right and I apologize for patronizing you…” “GRANDMA, stop saying words I don’t know okay?” “Yes yes yes, of course, silly me. I know how grown up you are but I forget that you still have a ways to go yet. I just meant that I did not want you to get frustrated about something that isn’t worth the bother, like getting a thorn in your thumb.” “But if I’m already frustrated then it’s too late to tell me not to be.” “Well yes indeedy do, you are correct and please forgive my, um, well I am sorry okay?”

“Okay Grandma I forgive you.” By then I had almost started to cry, my nose was all runny and I still did not know what was so great. But Grandma decided it was best if we took a time out for some milk and cookies. “Why don’t you and I go into the kitchen and snatch us a couple of those cookies that just came out of the oven how about?” “Really? I thought those were for after super tonight for dessert.” “Well, I think we can indulge ourselves a little after all that talky talk. And after we settle down a bit I will explain what I meant.”

So with a milk mustache, and cookie crumbs on my chin, I looked up at her and wondered how it all began. But she saw I was ready and looked right at me and said “Okey dokey then. You heard me say ‘isn’t that just great’ while you were standing behind me while I was working on the jigsaw puzzle and didn’t realize you were there right?” “Right!” I answered. “Well what I actually meant to just me, was that it wasn’t really just great. In fact it was the complete opposite of great. It was awful.”

“What was awful Grandma?” “Well discovering that I am missing some puzzle pieces, Michael. It isn’t great at all that I may not be able to finish the puzzle and in my frustration I said what I said. See?” “No I don’t see at all.” I told her. “Michael, sometimes people will say things that never really make any sense to anyone listening because they were not said with any thought to being heard. Sometimes, like say if you did get a thorn in your thumb, you might just holler. But sometimes you might just say something that would otherwise be silly. I really can’t say why people say the things they do like ‘don’t get a thorn in your thumb’, but it happens all the time.” “Oh so it’s like when I heard Daddy says some bad words once after he dropped a bowling ball on his foot…” “Well yes, now that you mention it, that’s precisely what I mean.” “But for me I don’t like to cuss much and it isn’t nearly as bad as having a bowling ball drop on my toes.

“But after spending so much time working on the puzzle and getting so close to being done, realizing I can’t finish was painful in its own way.” “Yeah, I get it now. It’s like when you really want something and you are not allowed to have it right? Like when Mom wouldn’t let me have a cookie today cuz she said they were for dessert. I was whispering as I left the kitchen about how unfair it was and Mommy said I just had to be patient.”

“Yes that is a very good analogy, which means just another way to tell the same story.” “I’m not telling a story Grandma.” “No of course not Michael, now let me finish. So, no it really isn’t just great that I can’t finish the puzzle and I was being sarcastic which I know you don’t understand what that means so I will tell you. It won’t make sense to you, maybe, but sometimes people will say things completely opposite of what they really mean to make what they say even more, um, forceful is a good word. But in order for it to work, anyone listening would have to understand what sarcasm is, which means, what, do you think?” “Being sarcastic?” “Give the boy a cookie!” Grandma yelled.

“So you were being sarcastic AND retorcal, ree tor hical, AND you thought no one was listening.” “She slapped her knee again and said “By jingo you get two more cookies even if I have to sneak them otta the kitchen myself.” By then I was laughing just as hard as Grandma when I realized something.

“Grandma, I know where the missing puzzle pieces are, there still in the box under the table. I saw them there while I was watching you work on the puzzle.” Grandma snorted so hard then she even sneezed. “Well isn’t that just great!” she said.