I Went All The Way

"How was school today?" I asked.

"It was so fun! We had PE outside today, and we had a dance-off!" He exclaimed.

"Wow! That sounds super fun! What songs did you dance to?" I asked.

“Thunder, Thunder. Before the lightning comes the THUNDER,” he sang and shouted as he showed me his best moves. “I like Reese. She's cute. We danced together.”

He stopped for a moment and stared off into space with a smile. “I want to kiss her.”

“Hm, tell me what else you like about her,” I asked with raised eyebrows and a smile.

“She laughs at my jokes. And she gets me,” my son replied.

“She sounds friendly," I replied.

“Yesterday, she was drawing a table, and I asked if she was drawing a baby. She burst out laughing, and then I started laughing! Bahahaha!” He doubled over in laughter.”'Not a baby, a table!'” he repeated her words poking mild fun at himself.

"I'm so glad she makes you laugh. That is a great part of a strong romantic relationship. Maintain your friendship and see where it goes. Does that sound like a good plan?"

"Yes!" He said excitedly. He paused for a moment. “Wait. What do you mean by 'romantic relationship'?”

“Well, we've talked about mom-son love, and how we express our love for one another through respect, kindness, listening, and honesty. Another form of expression is through physical touch, and we do that with cheek kisses and hugs,” I explained.

“Right,” he responded.

“In a romantic relationship, one of the main differences is how partners interact with each other physically, and that means kissing all over the body, being naked together, and having sex.”

“Oh,” he said. “What is sex?”

“Sex is when two adults give each other permission to touch, kiss, lick, or penetrate the other's body and genitals. So, you have a penis, and you've expressed attraction to girls in your class, so that means you are straight. When a straight couple has sex, the person with the penis puts it inside of the other person's vagina. That's one version of penetration.”

“What are the other versions?” he asked.

“So, a person with a penis can penetrate someone's mouth, vagina, or anus. When someone licks and sucks on a penis or vagina, it's called oral sex. When someone puts their penis in a vagina, it's called vaginal sex, and in the anus is called anal sex,” I continued.

“How do I put it in a girl's vagina?” he asked curiously.

“That's something that will become much clearer as you mature and get to know your own body through masturbation and ejaculation. What you really need to know right now is that when you put your penis into a vagina and ejaculate, you can make a baby,” I said.

“WHAT?!” he gasped.

“Yup,” I responded with a nod. “That's one of the reasons it's so important to make sure you have a condom on. You should never have sex without a condom, under any circumstance. When you are in a relationship with someone long enough to know them, and you have talked to each other about sex, let me know, and I will buy condoms for you. Condoms prevent pregnancy and diseases you can only get from someone's genitals. This is the same for oral and anal sex too.”

“That makes sense,” he responded with a shrug.

“There's something very important you need to understand about being physical in romantic relationships that involve sex. Any guesses?” I asked.

“Um, you need to brush your teeth?” he guessed.

“That is certainly a good idea, but there is something even more important,” I responded.

“Oh! You need to be ready to be a parent,” he answered.

“Wow! Great answer! That is spot on, although this is one of the main advantages of using a condom,” I responded.

“Oh, right. Um, what about knowing what you're doing?” he guessed.

“Actually that becomes a natural instinct when you become close with a romantic partner, and nothing to be worried about. When you are in the right relationship, it all works itself out,” I answered.

“Ok, I give up. What is this mystery thing that we all need?” he said, rolling his eyes.

“Has anyone ever asked you to do something or give you something and you didn't want to?” I asked.

“Yes, today Adam asked me if he could have my pencil. It was my last one, so I couldn't, but I usually would be fine with it,” he answered.

“I see. Did Adam get upset at you for not having a spare pencil?” I asked.

“No, the teacher had an extra one and gave it to him,” he responded.

“Phew! That's good news. We can always count on our support system, right?” I said.

“I guess. What does that have to do with sex?” he asked.

“Adam asked for your permission to get something from you, and you said no, and he didn't get upset, argue with you, or ask over and over, right?” I asked.

“Right,” he agreed, still confused.

“He cooperated with your lack of consent. Consent is saying that you are okay with granting someone their request, and it works for all types of requests, including sex. If you ask for someone's consent, even to hold their hand, and they say no, it is your responsibility to respond in the same way Adam did when you said no to giving him your last pencil,” I explained.

“Oh,” he said in a solemn tone.

“I am not trying to upset you, I am just trying to emphasize how critical it is that both people consent to any sexual, physical, or emotional interaction. If you want to have sex with a girl, and she says no, and you force her to have sex with you, this is called sexual assault. It is illegal, and the police will get involved. Keep in mind, it's not only sex; it's anything forced that she doesn't want to do, and the same thing goes for you too. If someone forces something on you, you need to tell me, a teacher, the police, or someone else who can do something about it,” I explained.

“Ohhhh, okay, that makes sense,” he said. “Can I watch some TV now?” he asked.

“Sure honey. Thanks for listening,” I answered.

Our conversation flowed well, and I was glad to see he had questions, it means he was interested in knowing more. I'm not afraid of him doing anything without me knowing because I set a precedence that I will be okay with anything that he needs explaining, and I will not react, I will respond to his needs. We've all been at the stage in our lives where sex seemed mysterious and elusive, and many of us lacked a role model surrounding these unknowns. My intention is simple, I want to be that person for him.

“Hey, Mom, I have a question,” he said as he approached me.

“Sure, what's up?” I asked.

“Jake said that he heard from one of his brother's friends that he would go blind if he touched his penis too much. Is that true?” he asked.

“Hm. Thanks for sharing that. It's actually not true. In fact, touching your penis is healthy, productive, and fun, right?” I said with an accepting smile.

“Yeah,” he said laughing. “It gets hard sometimes. What does that mean?” he asked.

“It sounds like you are getting erections, which is how your penis prepares for ejaculation, or the white stuff that comes out, called semen,” I answered.

“Oh, yeah!” he said enthusiastically.

“Just remember to masturbate only in your room with the door and the shades closed, or in the bathroom with the door closed. Masturbating is a personal thing that we do in privacy,” I informed.

“Okay, that makes sense,” he said with a shrug.

“You know how you said you're concerned you may not know what to do when the time comes to have sex? Masturbation is a great way to explore your body and learn what feels good to you. This is helpful for when you become romantically involved, and you and your partner can share with each other what you like. This is one of the best parts of a romantic relationship,” I explained.

“That's cool. Can I have dessert?” He asked.

“Sure!” I said laughing.