I Was 18 When I Got Pregnant — I Was Terrified To Tell My Parents

I wore my red shirt, my belly grew, and often I wore my grey Oxford sweater my partner gave me when I was pregnant, one size bigger from being pregnant and wanted to wear it a million times during pregnancy.

I walked into the kitchen in our new house, I couldn’t cook properly, but I had to learn this within just six months. This time, after four months, I could cook a proper meal: Indonesian from my father’s homeland.

When I walked into that kitchen, I almost fell on the floor because of a mis-step, still, something bothered me: I didn’t tell my parents and siblings about my pregnancy. I was scared. For what was I scared? For their reaction and discouragement towards my being with child.

Basically, I was still a teenager, becoming an adult, which being pregnant was going very fast. But I was not planning to have an abortion. Emotionally I was not stable to do such a thing. In my view, it was not fair to the unborn child. I immediately felt something there in my belly, even when you couldn’t see anything. I am a sensitive person, and I knew — because of growth hormones and mood swings — that something was happening, and of course having no period.

There is a time — mostly after three months — you tell everyone you love that you’re pregnant. I waited one more month. I even didn’t do a pregnancy test, which is mandatory when you are with the midwife during the pregnancy. So I took a pregnancy test after all. I even felt the baby kicking in my belly heavily.

I knew for sure I was pregnant. For their policy, the maternity agency had to ask for a pregnancy test, otherwise, they were not allowed to take me as their patient. So, I did take the pregnancy test anyway. It is also good to know concerning your own mental state. I remembered how I was relieved that it came up positive.

Then, there is a moment you have to tell your parents, sisters, and friends. I was scared to do that. What are they going to say? Are they holding me back from continuing this pregnancy? Can I hold onto the emotions when they insist on an abortion?

When you tell your parents you’re pregnant, they become happy as they will be grandparents soon. Most of the time. Sometimes, there are parents — especially when they have teenagers becoming parents — the parents will ask the teenager to think about the decision carefully before continuing the pregnancy. In some cases, the parents decide for their children. I didn’t want my parents to do this for me. Therefore I was very scared.

They often told me: “Agnes, please do it safe, and don’t do stupid things. It is for life.” Guess what did I? Exactly! The opposite. I hesitated to tell them, as I thought about their negative reaction. Just because they often told me to do ‘it’ safe. I already made my mind; keep the baby and raise it with my whole heart and let it grow into a wonderful human being.

Still, one week after the pregnancy test, I didn’t tell my folks about the big news, the change of life, and them being grandparents and aunts. What should I do? How am I going to tell them? I still didn’t know how to tell my parents. Still scared.

Ok, I went for it. I took my laptop and opened my e-mail program. I pressed the button ‘New E-mail’ and wrote a title I don’t remember. I stared at the screen for a while, I guess about half an hour; finally, I made it through. I wrote: “Dear All, I need to tell you something. You might not like it, but I am pregnant. Best wishes, Agnes” That is all I wrote. I couldn’t tell them through the phone. I was really scared of their reaction.

The opposite is true.

The first person who called me was my oldest sister. She congratulated me with this big news: “It is really fast, but I am happy for you!” She didn’t expect it and thought it was very soon in my life, but she was very happy for me.

An hour later, my mom called me. I was scared, my whole body thrilled and my nerves were above and beyond the whole time I was on the phone with her. How is she going to react? Does she love it? Is she angry? Will she ever help me when I need her? Will she ever babysit?

My mom started the conversation: “Hey, Agnes, I just read your e-mail. What a way to tell us you’re pregnant!” I answered: “Yeah, I know, sorry for that. I was scared you’d become angry with me.” My mother assured me she is not angry with me. I was glad to hear that.

One day later I got an e-mail from my sister, who lives in the UK. I was glad to read that she loved to be an aunt too. All said that I was early getting children, but that she was very happy for me as well.

I got a reaction from my mother I didn’t expect at all. Of all things, I didn’t expect that! I thought she would be very angry. My mom even told me she expected me to be the first daughter — of her five daughters — to get pregnant. This was not the reaction I expected from my mother.

This story has been published earlier on Medium.

About the writer

Agnes Laurens is a writer. She writes for the local newspaper. Agnes lives in The Netherlands, with her husband and three daughters. You can find her on Vocal, Medium, Elephant Journal, HubPages, Music List. Writing is — aside from playing the violin — one of her passions since childhood. She is on Twitter and Instagram. You can subscribe to my mailing list, and you can subscribe to my Thoughts. Check out her books. She has an online web store, and she has a merchandise store. If you want to be informed about my online store and my merch, please follow this link.