I Wanted to Have a Family Not Just a Baby...

I wanted to have a family. Not just a baby. I wanted the stuff you see in movies. Boy meets girl, they fall in love, get married, and have kids. I always knew I wanted to be a mom and that being a mom, with or without help, would be hard. When my oldest son was born, everything changed, just not the way I thought.

He was planned. He wasn’t some accident and surely not a mistake. His father is seven years older than me and had already been divorced with two daughters. I figured since he had kids that when we planned our son, he would be there for him. We weren’t married or even engaged yet, but we’d been together for two years. The day my son was born, I grew up. I was 21 when he was born.

My son’s father was wonderful throughout the pregnancy. He went to all docotor’s appointments. He went to the hospital when I went. Everything. I saw his daughters as my daughters and was really starting think we had a family, marriage or not.

My son was born at 4:05 PM February 6, 2016. That night I learned that his father wasn’t who I thought he was.

We had our daughters that weekend, and I wasn’t going to make them spend the night in the hospital, so John (we won’t use his real name for confidential purposes) spent the night at home with the girls and my brother spent the night in the hospital with me and my new baby. John took forever to even show up the next day after dropping the girls at home and grumbled about spending the night in the hospital. I remember thinking it was because he was tired from working and I made excuses for him.

Fast forward to us going home and instead of helping me with our son, he drank. He drank during the day. He drank at night. He was mean. He was scary, and he was someone you didn’t want to mess with.

Fast forward to our son being almost four months old and John having a bad alcohol problem. He got drunk for his birthday. No surprise. Around 2 AM, I was begging him to help me with the baby. I was exhausted. Instead he woke up and he choked me while I held our son in my arms. That night he threatened to kill my brother, who lived with us at the time, for defending me. I never pressed charges. I was stupid. I couldn’t leave because I had no money. I wasn’t allowed to work, and I believed when he said he’d get better.

Fast forward to our son being a year and John having an even worse alcohol problem and now drug problem. He was high for our son’s birthday. This was not the family I pictured. He wasn’t the man I fell in love with anymore. But how could I leave? I had nowhere to run because after the incident with my brother we hardly talked anymore. I had no money. No car. No job. I had no way of getting these things without him knowing and I couldn’t leave him alone with our son. My son.

He finally allowed me to get a job. I worked hard even though it was just a gas station. I dreamed of taking my son and leaving and never looking back. Quickly my dreams turned to nightmares when I thought of how he may find me.

My son was 14 months old when a man I’d almost forgotten existed walked into my gas station and I fell in love all over. We lost touch seven years prior, but yet here he was. Did he even remember me? Yes. He did.

Brian (again fake name for confidential reasons) and I spent almost two weeks texting nonstop in secret and having long phone conversations when John was on a binder or at work. The night before I broke it off with John, I slept with Brian. I felt terrible for cheating, but it felt right to be with him. I left John and moved in with Brian weeks later. My son fell head over heals for him just as I did. He finally seemed to have a father.

I married Brian on September 2, 2017. That day my son became our son. My son finally had a father. Finally had a man to look up to and I finally had the family I wanted. It didn’t happen how I thought and it was a bit unexpected but it was worth the wait.

John and I are in court to revoke his rights to my son since he can’t stay sober and it’s not safe for him to be with John. I do miss John’s daughters because over the course of four years I was their mother too and losing them hurt and still hurts.

I guess fairytales do come true just not always in the way we expect. I thought I was going to be a single mother forever who could never find a real father figure or father for my son and I did. I’m now pregnant with our second son due in June. I am a stay-at-home mom by choice now, not force. My husband is in the military and plans to adopt our son when he gets home in May. It will be a long road, but for all the women or even men in abusive relationships, get out. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. You can do this. Don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself or your kids.