I'm sick of singleism

If there's one thing that's added to my frustration in the past two weeks, it's that I've read two articles in a row about the guilt of being single.

One was titled "The Health Costs of being Single." The other was titled "Single People Have A Higher Mortality Rate." Somehow, as a single person, I stumbled across both.

Let's start by looking at the claims of the articles. The common argument between the two articles is that "single people have a higher risk of death and poorer health than married people." Specifically, single people are more likely to have cardiovascular disease, cancer, dementia, breast nodules, and a higher rate of premature death.

It seems easy to understand why: two people can cope with external stress more effectively, because our bodies are better able to deal with stress and relieve anxiety when our loved ones are around. In addition, two people have more social resources than one, both in terms of income and connections.

But wait, isn't that all based on the premise of a "good, healthy, stable relationship"?

Instead of dividing married people into more nuanced groups, however, the study simply divides them into "married" and "unmarried" groups, rounded to roughly equal numbers: married people are healthy and happy, while single people are, on average, less fortunate.

If you're single, or bored in a relationship, are you feeling the telltale signs of elevated blood pressure?

That's right, it's classic "matrimonial hegemony," and more broadly, Amatonormativity, which assumes that married, loving people are superior in every way to single people.

Elizabeth Brake, the American scholar who put forward this concept, found that the imagination of human society is often based on the unit of "love and marriage", which holds that love is higher than all other emotions. A series of deeply rooted ideas make people subconsciously think that lonely people are at least unfortunate, if not shameful.

For example, do you often hear people around you say that "life without marriage is incomplete", "you don't get married because you haven't met the right person", "life with two people is more interesting than life with one person" and so on. No matter whether you are happy as a single person or not, society has already assumed that "you must not be happy enough".

First of all, being single doesn't deserve to be human. A few years ago, the term "single dog" came into being. Its implied meaning was uncomfortingly obvious. Why, a single person should be degraded and "eaten dog food"?

Walking in the street, ear is not Wang Xinling "love you", is the Twins "love is greater than heaven", very not easy to wait for Lin Zhixuan "single love song", the lyrics began to tear heart cracking lung: "the world happy people everywhere/why can't count me one".

Travel, entertainment, dining, and all kinds of business companies are not very friendly to people who are alone. Amusement park, only couples special tickets but no "friend tickets"; Registered for a driving school, couples can enjoy the package, but friends can not; When you go to KFC, no one can go with you to "second half price", you have to bear the high price alone.

In addition, a university of Wisconsin-Madison study of 13, 008 people found that single people scored significantly higher than married people on two measures of autonomy and personal growth.

In his sociological book Rethinking Friendship, The author also points out that placing too much emotional demand on a lover is dangerous in itself. It not only creates psychological pressure on the lover, but also reduces the diversity of emotional relationships. May be exposed in helplessness, because of the friendship, family investment is not enough, it is difficult to find other emotional support.

The more essential reason for the so-called "love hegemony oppression" is that we give too much hope and expectation to love, and always assume that life will have the only Mr. Right. People subconsciously feel that love and marriage have a magic power to change the decadent, as long as there is love, the twists and turns of life are paved.

The truth is, this feeling only applies to couples who are madly in love, and while the hassles and conflicts of daily life dampen the dopamine rush, managing two lives isn't necessarily any easier than managing one.

No sooner had Yu Xiuhua announced the end of her relationship with her boyfriend than some netizens began to use the phrase "the great misfortune of life" as a lament. It's just a breakup, not a death, right?

So, the next time I hear someone say that single life is short, single misfortune, promise me - direct shielding, ok?