I'm Friends With My Kids.

I am friends with my kids. That is right, I am their mother, and I’m also their friend. You know why? Because all too often I hear that that is a bad thing. That being their friend somehow negates the fact that I am also their mother, or that it implies I will not be looking out for their best interests if I’m “just their friend.”

Since when did we start living in a society where friendship means we don’t have others’ best interests at heart?

Motherhood is hard. It is probably the hardest task I’ve ever undertook, and one that I gladly walked into with anticipation. Not all of it is great – some days I want to pull my hair out, or worse, just stick my finger in a socket. Pandemic times have especially heightened strain on children and their families. Do I let them go to school, or do I keep them home and have them engage in the crazy virtual world of remote learning? Do I take them to the grocery store with me, or should they stay home? These, of course, do not begin to cover the many questions parents have today. Many of us, however, have answered those two questions with a sort of bipolar outlook on how life was just 7 months ago, and how life is now. 7 months ago we wouldn't even have been thinking about those issues. Yep, it is not easy. The world is not the same. I do not think it will ever resemble what once was considered normal again.

As a psychology student, I am constantly learning about relationships and how they intertwine with the way we perceive the world and those around us. I am only in my second year, and the information I’ve gained from my academic career has helped me grow in my own relationships and also understand them in a much different sense. I know that when faced with situations such as social-distancing, the idea of quarantine, issues of systemic racism, that now, more than ever, I need to be friends with my kids.

You know why? Because real friends look out for one another and they do not beat around the bush when it comes to being real. I find it slightly offensive when I hear that parents should not be friends with their kids – it’s like people have lost what the meaning of true friendship is. True friends, when faced with hardship, do not sugar coat the situation in fear of hurting their friend’s feelings. They tell it to them like it is because that is real; that’s life.

That is friendship. Friendship, like motherhood, is also hard. As a mother, we want to nurture our children and protect them from harm. But, the friend in me wants to make sure that my kids have a sense of reality that in essense they can use to protect themselves.

So, when my kids are hurting because they cannot see their friends from school, or because they did not get to go to the lake this year, I listen to them. When they're afraid because they heard something on the news, or their remote school friends mentioned the virus, I listen. When they express that much of their life doesn't make any sense compared to what it used to be, I listen. Friends listen. Sometimes, this means listening over huge bowls of ice cream, and sometimes it simply means a hug is in order. Even when things do not make any sense, friends listen and share experiences and grow from each other’s nature and nurture. A real friend will not say something makes sense when it does not.

There are times when nothing makes sense anymore.

In pandemic times, my kids have often found themselves feeling a sense of loneliness that they had not experienced before. They miss their friends from school, and they missed doing their normal Summertime activities like going to the lake or getting ice cream at their favorite parlor. Now, more than ever, my kids need friends. And, while I also double as their mother, there will never be a time when I do not consider myself their friend, their confidant, their rock. It shouldn't be imperceptible to be all those things and set healthy, responsible boundaries for each. And it should not be imperceptible that those traits and characteristics define what a true friend is, inside and outside of parenting.

My kids have taught me the true meaning of what being a friend means. It has also taught me what it is like to have friends. It means doing your best to never let those you care about down. It means being silly, but also being serious when serious is needed. It means not beating around the bush. It means being real. It means loving with every fiber of your being. Motherhood can transcend friendship, just as friendship can transcend motherhood. And for me, it has.

Love your kids. Be their friend.

Don't ever let them down.