I'll Find You in the Stars

Rain droplets pounded the roof, creating a soft white noise in my ears. A stern man sits behind a metal desk, he’s going on about the details of the crash. The single-car crash that killed my twin sister. My mind is a thousand, no, a trillion miles away from here. I feel queasy. My vision is blurry. Am I going to faint? I’m stopping my feet from moving to the nearest window and throwing myself from it. I should be dead too. Why didn’t I go with her? I can’t remember the last words I said to my sister before she left on her let's-try-to-save-another-animal gig. Or was it saving the trees? The ocean? I’m not sure. My sister, Eudora, was a popular activist, completing over two dozen missions to protect and save the vulnerable animal population and environment. Now I will never be able to speak to her again.

“Ma’am?” a small whisper penetrated my ears.

I felt a faint touch on my shoulder. My head shot up to look at who was disturbing my crippling panic attack. The stern man’s face has softened as he rounded his desk back to his worn office chair.

“Foul play wasn’t involved so we are able to turn over your sister’s belongings immediately” he continued to explain.

He simultaneously slides a clear bag across the surface of his desk. In that small insignificant plastic bag contained a small blue wallet, rose colored sunglasses, the other half our matching necklaces, and a small black notebook. I couldn’t help but think about how disgusted my sister would be if she saw her belongings in a plastic bag; why couldn’t they use something more environmentally friendly? I clutched her belongings in my grip, the last moments of my sister’s life flashing in my mind.

- - - - - -

I collapsed onto my couch and stared at that little black notebook perched on the coffee table. I’d been at a lawyer’s office most of the day discussing what will happen next, who’s in charge of my sister’s possessions and home. Eudora had left me everything including the $20,000 in cash that she saved over the last decade. There was a catch though. In her usual style, Eudora was going to make me work for the money. I snatched the notebook with my fingertips and slipped the elastic band off. I drew in a deep breath before cracking the front cover open. I’m not entirely sure why but I gasped when my eyes made contact with the first page. In my shock, I read the first page. It read:

“Dear Cecily,

If you are reading this, it means I’m dead. Cliché beginning, I know. We always had the sense for dramatic flare, didn’t we? Being real though, this letter means our unearthly bond has been severed. Are you ready to do one last thing together? I have an adventure for you. I have left you $20,000. You will need to follow the clues to find the money. The pages in this notebook will provide all the information and maps you might need. Most importantly, during your adventure, don’t forget to find yourself. I’m sorry that I have left you. We will meet again when you are ready. Find me in the stars. Just look up.

Love you always, E”.

I frantically thumbed the pages of the black notebook through my fingers, a cascade of scribbles and hand-drawn images splashed across the pages. My sister is sending me on a goose chase for hidden treasure. A dramatic flare indeed.

- - - - - -

Here I am. At the final destination. All the clues and cryptic messages recorded in Eudora’s black notebook lead to a National Park, our favorite park. I spent half the afternoon searching tirelessly for this forsaken canister. Traveling in circles has not been useful but yet, I find myself in the same spot over and over again. That’s when I thought about Eudora’s letter and I think to myself “just look up”. My head shot up so quickly I thought it might come flying off. But it did the trick! It took a few minutes to spot the camouflage container perched on a lower branch of a tree. With a little bit of brute force and I’m sure some horrid skills of chucking rocks, I am able to knock the canister off it’s branch.

Breathlessly, I lean against the trunk of the tree. As I slip into a sitting position I pull the metal canister between my legs. I twist the metal top of the canister off, stacks of green paper in bundles are sitting inside. I’ve come all this way on this adventure Eudora set up for me and I feel offended; like this is some cruel joke even though I knew this is how it would end. What will I do with this cash? Especially when the only person I care for is gone. I lean back with a huff, staring into oblivion.

It is beautiful here, I think to myself after a while. In the middle of the woods, perched near a high cliff, and the sun glistens on the surface of the ocean. It causes you to squint your eyes to focus on the detail of your surroundings. I sat there for hours, watching the sun fade from pink and orange, finally to the pale darkness of dusk. It was time. It was time to say goodbye. I hadn’t noticed but all these hours I’ve been clutching tightly to that little black notebook. How can a few binded pages hold the soul of a person? But here I sit, staring at a fine crafted black leather book, but feeling like I am embracing my sister once again.

I slung the elastic band off the notebook and placed it on top of the canister. The last few pages were blank. It was my turn to record my thoughts and my goodbye. Scribbling a mess of a letter, broken thoughts slamming into paper. I laid the notebook in the canister on top of the cash. My fingers linger, already missing the journey the little black book took me on. Then I placed my belongings and both halves of my sister and I’s necklaces into the container and tightly closed the lid. I slipped off my outdoor coat and placed that next to the chest. I walked beyond the tree line, towards the cliffside. The edge of my shoes dared to dangle over the steep drop. The vast ocean has turned from a rich blue to unnerving black. The full moon’s light breaks the never ending blackness that is the water below. A chill winter breeze sways my hair to the side. I tilted my head up and closed my eyes. I slowly open them, head still lifted, and start scanning the stars. My sister’s words that were etched into ivory paper echoed in my head. ”We will meet again when you are ready. Find me in the stars.” Warm tears fell down my face.

“I’m ready” I whispered to the sky.

I filled my lungs with the crisp evening air, counted slowly...1...2...3...and allowed myself to fall off the cliffside.