I Know I Disappeared Again...

I know I was gone for several weeks until now and that I spoke to basically no one. The amount of stuff that has happened and the heaviness has been beyond overwhelming.

For starters, I know some of you know this from us being Facebook friends, but my brother enlisted in the Navy. Now that he's done with school, just waiting for his regular high school graduation, there is only three and a half months until he leaves for boot camp. I know this is selfish on my part but I am terrified. I love him and I don't want anything to happen to him. I didn't tell him that I'm terrified because I can't risk him feeling guilty (though it is unlikely that he would) because it is his future.

This was at his BOCES (trade school) graduation Thursday, June 12, from his criminal justice class.

The day before that was equally hard but didn't really affect anyone else in the house, though they did all care. (I have a pretty awesome family for caring about this.) I had a temporary order of protection.

The piece below shares my story. It was hard to open up but I had to get it out for my sake and to do my part in raising awareness.

Everything that happened that Wednesday was very overwhelming. I had court scheduled at 10:30 in the morning. I was at the courthouse a bit before 10 since I couldn't drive and wanted to be sure I would be on time. I went to the right floor and asked where I had to go. I had to check in with the deputy outside the courtroom and it was the same woman who could basically smell my anxiety last time. She asked if I wanted to go to a separate room and I said yes. I waited in there and was brought to the courtroom (with a staff member of the room I was in) after he was brought there. For the first time in months, my anxiety was gone. I was pissed. There was nothing else in me. This is how it went:

He had to sign the same paper I did last time, stating that a referee was okay, rather than it being a judge.

Then she asked him questions, similar to how it was for me. "This is what we have been told. Is it correct?" "Yes." Just basic yes or no questions.

(I have to note... I sounded assertive. I have never had that happen.) Then she looked at me. "These were the requirements of the order of protection. Have they been followed as far as you know?" "Yes." "You can extend the order of protection any amount of time, up to two years. How long would you like it extended for?" "Two years." "Do you want the same rules?" "Yes." To summarize that poorly formatted section, I opted for the same rules for a two year order of protection.

She looked at him again and asked, "are you agreeable to these terms? If not, Ms.Peters will have to provide proof to extend it that amount of time." "Yes." If he didn't agree, all I needed was video evidence from our doorbell camera. I would not have had any issue.

*

I'm adding this weeks later after stopping because of overwhelming emotions and stress but... My brother graduated. He walked the stage on June 26 and had his party two days ago. There was a lot of preparation for the party since it was at the house. My favorite parts were the cakes... One said "Congratulations Aaron!" The other said, "Come back in one piece!"

Story about the second... Mom didn't know what she wanted and my sister had nothing. I said she wouldn't like it and she forced it out which was, "Don't die!" She said no and the catering guy gave the idea for what ended up there. My brother said he doesn't want to come back in one piece. He wants a robotic right arm. (He's an odd kid.)

**Another piece I started a long time ago, back in June 2025 but is still applicable.**

The summer flew by, spending every moment with him that he would allow, which wasn't much. He is very introverted. We went on vacation the week before he left for boot camp. While we were on vacation, he said something crazy the first night. He said, "I'm going to go to my room to play Stardew. Do you want to come in there with me?" We spent hours together in there just talking, making jokes, and playing Stardew Valley (him on the PS5, me on my phone). It became a nightly occurrence while we were there. I think he was starting to realize that we wouldn't be able to spend time together like that for a long time. He left for boot camp on 10/1/2025. It was awful for all of us. He only got a few calls (I think 3, plus a few longer ones on Thanksgiving), letters, and nothing else. He graduated from boot camp on 12/4/2025 and i am so proud of him! He hated every second of boot camp but did become friends with a couple other guys. They all went to different A schools, so they're all in different time zones now but they still text. Because of when he graduated, they allowed the sailors to go "in the hole" for days of leave. He was home for 2 weeks, the weeks of Christmas and New Year's.

At least this time, when he left, I was told what his schedule is. Maybe I'll be able to cope better, knowing I can call and text him any day.