I have seen the education that hurts children the most, not sticks, not yelling, not ignoring, but …

Many parents think that percussive education will make their children stronger and independent, but they do not realize that this kind of education will bring endless pain to their children.

Children who have been beaten by their parents for a long time

How's everything going?

Some time ago, there was a topic on the hot search list. 90% of the respondents said they had been hit by their parents' language.

The subjects of the survey were 2006 people aged 18 to 35, and 90.6% of the respondents admitted that their parents had verbally hit them.

And 45.4% of the respondents believed that the blow lasted until middle school.

What are the results of percussive education? now it's really time for acceptance.

As high as 59.7% of the respondents believe that percussive education makes them lack self-confidence and is easy to deny themselves.

How many Chinese children grew up under the attack of their parents

To explain is to answer back.

Silence is tantrum.

Crying is hypocritical.

Other people's children are always better than their own.

No matter what the child does, it's all wrong.

But is it really good for a child to grow up in this environment?

I still remember that a little girl in Xi'an jumped to her death, leaving only the last words in her exercise book: "Why can't I do anything?"

It turned out that on the day of the incident, the girl did not have time to finish a composition assigned by the teacher, she felt that she was a failure.

In self-remorse and despair, she chose to jump.

As Freud said: no one will attack himself for no reason unless he has experienced a childhood where he has been constantly denied and attacked.

Cracking down on education will only beat the children to the stomach.

This strange phenomenon is often seen in life:

When praising other people's children, parents come as soon as they open their mouths, but when they go to their own children, they always feel that they need to beat more and don't let their children float away.

Little do you realize that if you criticize your child, he will develop in the direction of criticism.

In 1939, Wendell Johnson, a language research group at the University of Iowa, recruited 22 orphans to conduct an experiment.

The way of the experiment is to keep hitting the children, accusing them of stuttering whenever they speak.

Guess what after a period of time, the originally sharp-tongued child has become a real stammer, and accompanied for a lifetime!

A child who took the test at the age of 74 learned the truth and was in pain, accusing the demon experiment--

"you ruined my life, and I may become a natural scientist, an archaeologist or a president. However, I became a poor stammer. "

Children's self-confidence and sense of value depend entirely on the evaluation of the people around them. Long-term suppression will only make them misorientated, thinking that they are such a bad person, and they are more likely to break down.

Parents never know what kind of personality your words will shape their children.

What's more, they will bury their hatred for their parents in the blow day after day.

Zhihu has a question "what is suicide?" there is an incisive answer.

He said that part of the psychology of children committing suicide is revenge.

The moment I jumped, I knew I would hurt my parents.

Children have to trade their lives for their parents' tears and their parents' losses.

They choose to commit suicide only because they are too weak to punish their parents in other ways.

Only through such an extreme way, let parents see their own fragility, let parents realize their own fault.

A good boy is encouraged.

In the process of raising two children, I almost made such a mistake.

My brother is quick at everything and never needs to be urged to do his homework. While the younger brother is a slow man, as soon as his homework speed is compared with his brother, the old man has something to say: Erbao is good at everything, but it is too slow. Learn from your brother.

After a few times, the obvious change of Erbao is that it is slower.

I hastened to have a private meeting with the old man and told them not to say that my brother was slow, otherwise it would only get slower and slower.

I prepared a timer for my brother and asked him to count time for himself by doing his homework every day. In this way, we can not only have a concept of time, but also clearly see our own progress.

I always say: Erbao is great! Today is 1 minute faster than yesterday!

This kind of encouragement makes the younger brother more and more focused, and the speed is obviously improved!

As Drex, founder of positive discipline, once said:

A child who behaves improperly is a child who is not recognized. The more children are recognized, the better their behavior and character will be.

A child's initial self-perception comes from feedback from his parents, and if he can't get affirmation from his parents all the time, he will think that it is true.

Even, they will always think that they are the party under scrutiny, so they are afraid of authority, do not know how to get along with authority, do not know how to take the initiative, and are easy to be submissive.

As the saying goes, steamed stuffed bun is easy to be deceived.

So on the way to parenting, children need the affirmation of their parents, and don't be stingy with your praise.

Be a patient before you become a doctor

But then again, aren't the kids talking too much?

Of course not.

Xu Zidong made a remark in the latest issue of the Roundtable School.

He said that to discuss problems, we must first be a patient and then a doctor.

It couldn't be better to put it on the issue of children's education.

Always judging children's deficiencies with the attitude of people who have experienced them will only aggravate their frustration.

Standing on an equal footing with the child to gain insight into the causes of the child's mistakes, we can point out the deficiency of the child and let the child know that he is "not alone in the fight."

For example, when I posted an article about my child's dyslexia, a sister left me a message in the middle of the night that she had been wrong about the child for so long and did not force the child any more.

Then something amazing happened, and after telling the child that he might be dyslexic, the child was more willing to spend more time reading.

Real education is to respect the wishes of children and let them digest, examine and grow up in a safe environment, rather than blindly controlling and humiliating them.

Dripping water wears away a stone, better than torrential rain, and good intentions influence the movement.

Every child deserves to be treated gently.

The "gentle waiting" here is not a blindly praise, it will become perfunctory; what is more, it is not blindly picking mistakes, which may be a kind of control and humiliation.

What children really need is for parents to put down their superior posture, put aside their utilitarianism and comparison, and focus on who they are.

Tap your child's potential and help your child overcome weaknesses and blind spots.

After all, the purpose of education is not to aggravate harm, but to promote growth.

Only in this way can children go to a wider world calmly.

To be loved as a child is armor for a lifetime.

The attitude of parents hides the future of their children.