'I am glad I chose you to be my mother'

Equality is something most of us want but rarely do anything about. We may voice our opinions, after watching the news or reading about an incident in the newspaper, but the majority of us have no involvement in the day to day changes that need to be made in the world.

Technology is flying ahead of itself with talk of Artificial Intelligence and Genetic modification and billions are being spent weekly, yet one in ten people still do not have clean drinking water.

Everyday people are fleeing to different countries to find safety for themselves and their families,but all that seems to do is increase prejudice and fear.

I often wonder why there aren’t more people that have an aggressive passion for equality, who don’t believe in themselves enough to know they can make a difference, who feel a deep love for their fellow human beings, regardless of the differences.

I know exactly why my stomach twists and turns, every time I observe an injustice. Why tears flood my eyes and acid burns my throat at another's suffering. Because of ‘Her.’

My mother passed almost eleven years ago from an aggressive form of cancer that offered her no option of survival. She was sixty-two years of age and had spent her life in service.

Born into a family with 5 other siblings,the 2 born before and after her, both boys had physical and mental disabilities. By the time my mother was ten she was not only a sister to them, but a carer and protector, this role lasted her entire life and she never complained once.

My earliest memories of my uncles were from around the age of 5, I never saw them as any different to me, why would I? They were my family. I only observed how everyone protected and loved them,gave them time and attention and always made sure their needs were met.

By the time I was 5, I had been given the role of teaching my mother’s youngest brother, David the alphabet. I would sit at my grandparents' old wooden table in the kitchen and spend hours, going over and over each letter. But we only ever got a ‘D’ and each time we did, my grandma and I would clap in delight and praise David, he was a super star in our eyes.

When both my grandparents died, it was my mum’s role to find her brothers a new home, as their old one was not suitable for their advancing disabilities. I think this was around the time I really observed her in action and when my passion for human rights and equality became deeply installed.

My uncles had been refused a suitable apartment by the local council. And their sister was not happy. I can laugh now at my mum’s feistiness, wow, was she ever a powerhouse!

After months of patiently waiting and several attempts to get the apartment, she got up one morning and announced she would be obtaining the keys that day. I remember my father and I looking at each other with raised eyebrows and fear behind our eyes. We had both seen this woman of 5ft and 2inches in action many times and here she was about to do battle again.

Her brothers were about to move homes, we knew for certain, but the local authority was yet to find out.

At 10 am that morning my mum presented herself at the housing office. At 1pm she had the keys for the desired apartment in her hand. Without a battle. No voices had been raised, no chairs thrown, but I guess you could say, threats had been made.

My mother had promised to inform the local and international newspapers of the conditions the council were allowing my uncles to live in, whilst new accommodation which was more suitable and safer lay empty.

It was the first of many occasions when I observed my mother using her love and passion for justice and for her brothers. She was already well practiced and with the years, her desire to make changes for those that could neither speak or represent themselves only grew.

My mum taught me that you should never allow anyone to silence what was in your soul. A quality that many have been imprisoned for, I believe she would have gone to prison for her brothers. In fact I don’t believe she would, I know she would.

Having no brothers and sisters meant my uncles and I became very close as the years rolled by. They spent every Christmas with us and also holidays not only in the UK, where we lived but abroad. Family is family. And I was taught that although it's never perfect, it should be nurtured and protected.

Not satisfied with just caring for her brothers, my mum also trained to be a counsellor so she could advocate for other people with disabilities and fight for their rights and independence. And at one point her and my father offered supported living in their own home.

Nothing was ever too much, she worked tirelessly and her passion was relentless. She never gave up in what she believed, others fought her but she was always victorious.

Because what she did, she did with her heart, there was no agenda for financial gain, no motive for herself and to meet any of her needs.

She just lived to improve the lives of others and in my eyes she deserved an award every day of her life.

When my mother died I felt robbed and I know many others did too. There wasn't room to stand in the church, people stood outside queuing to pay their respects to this woman, I was privileged to call my mother, who taught me that heaven could indeed be created on earth and that I too was capable of doing it.

As I said goodbye to her, I reflected on the words she had often said to me.

‘You know you have lived well, not by the money you leave, but by the legacy you leave and that legacy is reflected in the amount of people you have made a difference to’.

Her heart was saturated in love and gratitude from others every day of her life. Every action was from her heart and she taught me how rich life could be, when you work this way.

As I wrote this I felt my heart swell. I hope you have and continue to have heart swelling moments. Filled with gratitude and passion for something or someone. For moments and people that change your life, forever.

Thank you Mum, for showing me how to live and love unconditionally. For showing me where my passion lies and to always live fearlessly.

Susan Margaret Farnhill

1946-2009