How My Mom Cheated on Life and Kept Living Even When She’s Gone.

Why do you think smiling makes us feel lighter?

My Mom had this habit of giving people smiles while walking around places. When she becomes herself and embraces the contact, her aura feels comforting.

If she had a visible aura, it would look something like white. It would be glowing and people around, after sharing smiles would also get a share of this aura.

Having someone like this by my side and calling her my Mom felt hugely precious. She was my pride and undoubtedly, I was for her too.

The smiles were one thing. My Mom knew how to do business with other people. She can make friends easily and earn people’s trust because she is authentic and loves the people she cares about more.

I never had any doubt about her potential to befriend anyone. Sure, she gets into emotional fights sometimes and I get that because she’s human. But, she lives with boundaries in her decisions.

She would tell her co-workers to stop calling her for work when my Dad returned home from his overseas work. Dad stays with us for less than 4 months and goes off to work again. Mom wanted to prioritize us — those were some of her boundaries.

Soon after my Mom died, I felt like I wanted to tell everyone across seas and continents that she died — that a person as good as her left the entire world.

I knew that it was a big tragedy. Back then, I only felt more guilty than sad. I had the fortitude of a metal bar, always leaning on the rationalistic side of things. I wasn’t the type to be emotional, or rather I wasn’t the showy type.

Knowing how my Mom had plenty of people who had her back, I wasn’t sure if I was prepared to face the many people who knew her and would know about what had happened to her sudden passing.

I sincerely care about how my Mom keeps in contact with people around her. She’s not perfect and she forgets people but, people DO NOT forget her. I know that plenty of people loved her. Even our relatives acknowledged that. She was so loved, even more after her prime days. Even more so after she had me. She kept on being loved and loved by people as long as she lived and kept giving people smiles.

With her whole years here in the world, she was fortunate to have had people who keep her alive in their hearts. Mom is likewise amazing to have been able to do that. As her only child, I’ve always been so proud of her.

Seeing and knowing I had a gem with me, a jackpot prize in a lottery, a Mom I love for eternity — I am deeply proud. I was the only person to ever call her Mom and the only person that kept her going when the tides were rough.

I used to describe our relationship like this:

If comfort was a person, it would be my mom for me.

If there was a person who knew my mom best, it would be me.

I had a pang of this realization during the time she passed away a few months later. We were technically inseparable. Where I would be, my Mom would always be. The same thing with where Mom was, I know I’d be safe.

To lose her in my life, I longed to see the many parts of her that sparked joy in me — things that gave me life and now, reason for living.

Several months after her passing, I kept wanting to see and be with people that reminded me of her. The friends, the relatives, the co-workers, the renters in our apartment, the shoppers in our store, the people she gave her smiles, all the people she interacted with, and the people she talked to me about.

I like deciding to remember my Mom, how it was like again being with her by my side, feeling safe that she was here, still being inseparable ‘till finality.

In reality, I had a small script in writing, of the idea that sparked this prompt to be started and created.

The following were my thoughts during 5/21/24 and were expounded previously.

Star Galaxy

This title was made with the concept that Mom was a star that burst into particles and I was a planet orbiting her. When a star dies, it explodes, those particles are memories I remember of her and those particles has wandered onto different places in the galaxy. I imagine those places as people, so I tend to remember Mom through her friends and all other people she loved and interacted. So, I also have this tendency to get close or interact with those people, just orbiting those lost particles. Yes, my Mom had plenty of friends and so many people loved her, it’s amazing and she’s amazing. I reap the benefits she planted in friendships with others, now I have people who guide and look after me. They do it out of love and honor of being my Mom’s friend. Please remember that all the people my Mom loved and adore, I will love you too. Because I thank you for making my Mom happy. She was able to feel love from people, too. Thank you for also letting her experience that. I will forever be grateful.