How My Daughter Was Legally Kidnapped

She is 4 years old and soon to be 5. My first born and maybe my only child, she was taken from my arms when she was only 5 months old. My first mothering experience stolen from me. Her paternal grandmother had taken her. With fabricated evidence she was able to legally kidnap her. She came to my father’s home with the sheriff, a paper in hand stating that she was unsafe and needed to be removed from me. Devastated but calm, I gathered my daughter’s belongings, buckled her into her car seat, and carried her down the stairs to her grandmother’s vehicle. The grandmother went to strip her from my arms, in which I calmly asked her if I could buckle her in car and say goodbye. She allowed it.

I Should Have Listened to My Intuition-

These are the chain of events that lead up to this legal kidnapping.

Paternal Grandmother (my daughter's Father's Mom) had always been somewhat overbearing; even when I was pregnant. At about 6 months pregnant, she came up to me and insisted that she be able to touch my belly. I was uncomfortable and protective; but not at all confident in standing up for myself. I have always been a bit submissive too, especially in the presence of a domineering woman, like my daughter’s grandmother. So, I allowed her to touch my pregnant belly and when she was not satisfied with feeling no movement or activity she said “Here let me show you something.” She proceeded in grabbing my stomach with both hands applied pressure to adjust my daughter inside me. She then felt slight movement to from my baby reacting to the disturbance. This intrusive behavior was only the beginning.

Only a few days before I was to be induced (my daughter was two weeks overdue and I was huge), grandmother came to me and insisted on being present in the delivery room. I had explained to her that I only wished for my child’s father (her son) to be in the room and to have this intimate experience with him alone. She was adamant and told me “I will stand in the corner and stay out of the way, I only want to be there.” I gave in as she did not respect my wishes. I broke down in tears to my daughter’s Auntie (father’s sister), telling her that I did not know how to get through to their mother that I did not want her in the room. My daughter's Aunt, even though being invited to the delivery as well, respected my wishes and chose to not be there. She hugged me and said “I am so sorry”.

Finally the day came to meet my sweet unborn daughter. Because it seemed that my delivery had become an open invitation, I also allowed my own close family members into the room including my mother and my uncle. If I was going to have an audience, I would be performing at this event for them as well. My labor was 10 hours long (not bad). At some point I became completely apathetic that everyone was in the room. I was in a state of pure concentration and my mind was set on having this baby. Grandmother, who claimed to have nursing experience, led her to attempt to console me during my moment of “back labor”. Intrusively, she proceeded to hold her hand in my vaginal region to ease pain and pushed hard on my lower back as well. This did helped pain, and although I was frustrated, with a smirk I sarcastically said "Hey, while you're down there why don't we snap a picture of you kissing my ass?" I am pleased to say that, Yes, this picture was in fact taken.

It was coming close to delivery time, in which grandmother actually reached inside me and said “I can feel her hair!”. Intrusive to say the least, but I was in no position to push her away and still completely focused on keeping a positive atmosphere. One final push and my beautiful baby girl unfolded from me, as if doing a summer-salt into the world. There she was, immediately I grabbed her to pull her up to my chest. She had a short umbilical chord that needed to be cut right away. Soon she was in my arms and in that moment everything else had faded away. I didn't even realize that I was gushing blood. Something was wrong and the nurses began to silently panic. An ER surgeon was called and soon rushed into the room to stitch me up. They told me I had had a pre-placental bleed and had lost 1.5 liters of blood.

Post-Pardum Depression and Additional Torment-

After a couple of days, I was able to go home. My daughter's father and I lived about 2 hours away from where I grew up and all of my family. My mother visited and stayed with us when she could to help me. When she was not there, I was completely on my own (father worked 6 days a week). Grandmother lived only minutes away. Funny thing during this time, I hardly remember her coming to check in on us. Though the couple of times that she did, she was very judgmental regarding my 'house keeping abilities'. She asked me how I was not able to keep up with laundry, put on makeup, or cook decent meals for her son who was working all day. "You have plenty of time to do these things while the baby is sleeping" she would insist.

I did not know at the time, but I was suffering tremendously from Post-Pardum disorder those following months after having my daughter. Although I was not able to keep the house tidy, look pretty and cook home-cooked meals, I did in fact take care of that beautiful baby nonstop. And I was Good at it! It was all I knew how to do. It was as if I had been born new the day I had her, only knowing how to care for her alone. She was all I thought about. I guess it was apparent that I was struggling and that is when Grandmother came to me. She sat me down and asked me all kinds of questions. She even gave me a 'psych evaluation' from off the internet, asking me questions like "Have you ever had thoughts of harming yourself or your baby?" in which my answer was "Absolutely not". I never expressed anything about feeling down or being unsure about my mothering abilities. I never realized that lack of support that I had when becoming a new mother. Grandmother claimed that she was concerned for me and already had the idea that I had this post-pardum. I, on the other hand, was clueless and had no idea that I was suffering from anything. I did confide in her that I was unhappy with her son and that I did not feel supported by him. I felt emotionally drained and alone. I still never got a sense of confidence or moral support from her. With every comment she had, she only made me feel inadequate. I was not good enough for her son and I did not have the ability to raise Her grand-daughter. I was starting to believe every bit of it and fell deeper into a depression.

Days were dark and the relationship between my daughter's father and I began to deteriorate. I became suspicious of him, not wanting him to leave and searching through his phone in the middle of the night. I was clingy and felt guilty for not accomplishing tasks around the house to please him. I was worried that he was going to leave me for someone else.

Soon he did. My daughter was three months old, and right before my first Mother's Day, he left me for another woman. This woman not only made her self known to me, but harassed me and threatened me with messages like: "You better not keep that baby from him" or "I'm his woman now and you better not try to get in the way of that." I continued to be tormented by this complete stranger, who had intruded into my life and had no remorse for assisting in tearing it apart. This consistent torment went on for many, many weeks and I was beside myself. I was living a horribly real nightmare, which seemed to be repetitive and endless. The misery was just compounded by this woman, I had never met and who insisted to torture and remind me of this present tragedy.(I can't even explain it because it was so miserable). At one point I recall belligerently texting my daughter's father out of anger. I was desperate for his sympathy or acknowledgement; anything that would tell me that he still cared. I am actually embarrassed, sad and confused by one of the statements I ended up texting him. I wrote something along the lines of "Come get your daughter because I don't want to be a mother anymore." I cringe when I read this old message because I know for a fact that I did not mean it. But this is one of the messages and pieces of evidence that was documented and used against me in a court of law, which allowed Grandmother to receive the emergency order (aka Ex-Parte) to take my baby and remove her from my care; Legal Kidnap.

After leaving the apartment that my daughter's father and I shared, I headed back home to my family, where I escaped with my baby girl and her belongings alone. Right away he moved in his new girlfriend; just another move to torment me I guess. So, I only had a few options to create a new home in: my mom's small trailer, my dads one bedroom apartment or the street. (I would like to mention, now that I realize it, that Grandmother was never one to mention or offer me to stay in her home. If she really wanted to help me, why didn't she?). I felt trapped with no where to go; no where for my daughter. I was uncomfortable and needed my own space to raise her. Frantic, I got a job as a waitress in my home town. My goal was to save money for my own place. I had no plan. I was desperate to have a studio apartment or room of my own that I could share with her. I desired anything clean, tidy and organized. (My apartment I previously had, it may not have been the cleanest; my own laundry was never done, his laundry pile grew, dishes were always in the sink. But I Can say one thing: it was organized and everything had a place. The important tasks were done. The bathroom stayed clean. I had seriously even just completed a Monthly To Do List, before everything blew up; that included tasks like: cleaning the blinds and washing floor boards. I had something going and I was building confidence.) Now, I constantly felt out of place, homeless and uncomfortable. Money was impossible to save because it was spent on diapers and baby formula. I had begun weening her from breast milk after she was three months old and was in the process of easing her onto formula a little at a time. I had started smoking cigarettes again from stress and I did not want to subject my daughter to my unhealthy body and habits. Everything I did, I made sure that my baby was not effected by it. I went through the trouble of wearing gloves and a large jacket while smoking, so that I was able to remove the third hand smoke from myself and be clean enough to hold her. I remember having plans to find the most organic pure foods for her and research the cleanest, safest nutrition methods. I heated filtered water on the stove to put in her formula-mixed bottles. If I had had a chance, I would have even considered glass or stainless steel bottles. I also made sure her bottles were consistently and completely sterilized. I was good at what I did and my intention was strong. I was beginning to feel capable. I was gaining confidence an inch at a time. Even though I was productive, I was also a wreck. I had never supported myself on my own before. I was frantic for stability and independence. Waiting tables, alone, was not going to get me anywhere.

Post-Pardum Confirmed-

All I knew was that I was struggling to get on my feet to be able to support my daughter on my own. This is when Grandmother convinced me that I needed help. She said to go to the hospital so that they could help me. So I did. My mom took care of my daughter while I spent 24 hours, overnight, in a hospital that diagnosed me with post-pardum disorder and gave me medication to help my depression. I finally understood that I was in fact depressed and that the events I happened to experience in that short amount of time, were enough to compound my post-pardum depression and really leave me in a vulnerable space. The doctor stated that, what I was experiencing was so extreme, that it was enough to send any other regular person over the edge, without post-pardum.

The Emergency Order/Legal Kidnapping-

Grandmother continued to try and convince me to let her she take my daughter. She also wrote out a document that was titled "Temporary Guardianship" and insisted that I sign it and turn over guardianship to her so that she would be able to "help me" take care of her. She wanted to be able to take her to the doctor if I needed her to. She wanted to "help" me, but I refused to sign over any kind of guardianship. Something about it felt wrong, and as I read over the agreement, it seemed to be written in a way that would make it hard for me to get my daughter back. I also noticed that it had been signed by some of my family members that were worried about me and also my daughter's father. At that point, I felt as if no one had any confidence in me. Everyone thought that I wasn't able to be a mother. I was hard enough on myself and all of this just seemed to make it a fact, that I was incapable of motherhood. Even though I was almost convinced of my inability, something inside me remained intact. I still refused to sign my daughter over. When I continued to refuse, Grandmother then went to extreme and legal measures to get her from me.

All I needed was support; Someone to tell me I was capable; That I was doing a great job; Encouragement. Reassurance. Strength. Guidance. Confidence.

After getting the Ex-Parte (emergency order), I went to court to fight it. Our hearing had been postponed because the court wanted to further investigate the situation with CPS. Soon, grandmother came to me again. She pleaded with me. She told me that she only wanted to help me and that she would help me to get back on my own feet again. She told me that she would get me into school and that she would take care of my daughter while I pursued my education. She encouraged me to give up guardianship and not fight the emergency order when we went back into court. She promised me, that when I was able to get back on my feet and support myself, that she would sign guardianship back over to me. I thought about it hard for the next couple of days. My father told me it was a bad idea. My mother told me that maybe it was a good opportunity. I only wanted what was best for my daughter and thought maybe this temporary situation would allow me to become a better mother. Maybe if I went to school, I could get a good paying job and be able to support myself and my daughter. I made the decision to not fight the order. Soon I had an interview with CPS telling them of my decision. They complimented me and said that it was a good decision. In court, I spoke to the judge and told him as well. The judge concluded that there was no opposition and in that moment the court defined that grandmother had won Full Guardianship; grandmother literally cheered outloud when the decision was made, and I was a bit confused.

I thought, "Wait a minute, Full Guardianship? No Opposition? I forgot to tell the judge that she took her from me wrongly to begin with and that I had only made this out to be temporary."

She's My Inspiration-

Soon I was enrolled in school. My goal was to complete a year program in business to allow me to start working in an office environment. I had never been very successful in school, but this time I was determined. Every paper and project was written about my daughter. She alone was my biggest inspiration. She was the reason I was able to succeed. I earned Dean's Honors and a diploma as a Administrative Business Professional, in only one year. I graduated with my diploma and college education. I was able to land a good paying, full-time job with benefits, right away.

During the whole time I attended school, I did not miss one weekend with my daughter. As she grew, I did what I could to take care of her and spend time with her. As I tended to her, Grandmother watched from over my shoulder. She always "showed me" how to take care of her the "right way". For some reason, I was never able to grasp Grandmother's techniques. I felt overwhelmed and as if I really was failing at being a mother. My confidence continued to fall as I would watch Grandmother bathe, feed and care for my daughter with confidence. As time continued on, I missed huge milestones that I will never get to experience. As much time as I spent with her, Grandmother continued to boast about her "Firsts" and events that I had missed out on. Grandmother was not concerned to tell me about these events or even respect my role as being her mother. She would say things like, "Oh, she already does that" or "that happened months ago". I honestly don't even remember when my daughter had her first steps. I was never told what her first reaction was to real food. I was not acknowledged enough even to be invited to her first year check up with the doctor. I was not needed and not important in Grandmother's eyes. Motherhood was stolen from me.

But, none of that stopped my baby from loving me. She knew me. One day, I was unable to see her because I had a very contagious infection. I was unable to see her for two weeks. It was the longest time I had ever been away from her. After two weeks, I had a doctor's appointment to make sure I was cured, and the moment I found out I was better and safe to see my daughter, I went straight to her. My mom was babysitting my 9 month old daughter at the time. When I walked into the room, she saw me and smiled. The first big genuine smile I had ever witness from her. She reached out for me. When I held her that first time, after what felt like a century, I noticed how much she had grown and that she was intentionally HUGGING me with her little arms around my neck. She then pushed back to take a look at me, said "Momma", and went back to hugging me. That was the first time I heard her talk. That was the first time I realized that she knew me. That was the first time I knew that, not only did she love me, but she knew she loved me.

Today, we continue to battle in court. I requested to Terminate the Guardianship in January of 2017 and next month it will be three years. I had completed everything that was required of me by Grandmother, and there seems to be a continuous trend of why I am unqualified to care for her. I was ready to have her in September of 2016, when my daughter was only a year and a half. Not only had I completed my school program, but I successfully obtained a full time job with full benefits. I was able to support her. Although, I did not have my own home, I did share one with my fiance who was a single father. His daughter is 10 years older than my little girl and they quickly formed a sister-like bond. This of course was something that Grandmother did not approve of and at one point stated, "I was hoping you would prove yourself to be independent and being able to support her on your own." Nothing that I did was good enough. Every weekend I would see my daughter, I would ask Grandmother if it was time. Instead of answering, she always changed the subject. Finally, she said something that really caught me off guard and made me realize that she had no intention of relinquishing guardianship, ever: "So, I am in the process of looking for a new bed for her. I found some cute ones but I have to make sure it's big enough for her when she's five."

At this point I had had enough. As a matter of fact, so did my daughter's father. At the time, his mother had been controlling him as well and giving him endless reasons why he could not have custody of her. She would tell him to accomplish A, B, and C, to be able to get custody of her again and when he succeeded, it was still not enough. He came to me toward the end of 2016 and we decided to fight together in court to get her. Although we are separated, over the course of the next year we completed: Co-parenting Counseling Sessions and Childhood Development Classes. We were even able to agree on a Parenting Plan that worked for both of us. We were determined and completed everything that the Judge had asked of us. Our next court date was in September 2017 and for some reason we were assigned a new Judge. Though we presented our accomplishments to him, he was not able to accept what we had prepared because it was not filed with the court office ahead of time. We did not know these stipulations as we did not have an attorney yet. When Grandmother had her turn to speak, she immediately requested that the date be postponed so that she could speak to an attorney. She recommended that we get our own attorney as well.

Grandmother has gone out of her way to display me as an irresponsible and incapable parent in court and even lying to my daughter's pediatrician, preschool teachers and daycare providers. She insists on painting this picture of me as a good-for-nothing biological mother. She insists that my daughter has medical needs that I am unable to address. She continues to do the same for her son, who is, in fact, an incredibly loving dad and there is no reason why my daughter shouldn't be with him either. If you only knew the lengths she has gone to, to keep our daughter in her care. She has manipulated the system and lied in front of a court of law. She insults us with a smile on her face. She is even beginning to manipulate my daughter and affect her mental and emotion well-being. I cannot even begin to tell you how selfish she is truly. At one time, I gave her the benefit of the doubt. At this point, I am at a loss. She has proven herself to be unauthentic and I have been blindsided.

I worry for my daughter's well-being and I will do everything it takes to get her back, because I AM capable and I know I am who she needs.

I will never stop fighting.