How Dare you?

I stopped by this quaint little thrift shop near where I live, to my surprise was this little black book with a title that made me laugh out loud so much that when I looked up there were pairs of eyes on me. I smiled back at them to which they smiled back. This tends to happen to me, I am always in my own little world. Now, I am not one to go around punching people in the face, but it resonated because sometimes I read articles or hear things about people that make me livid. I'm a sucker for gold, plus the humorous title written in gold, I couldn't help it. I purchased it and found the perfect spot in my living room. It's humorous, makes me smile every time that I walk by it. But I know in my heart that I will never write anyone’s name in there.

It was late after work and my shift was finally over! As I was driving home when at an intersection, all I could see from my right side we’re lights and then everything went dark. When I woke up it was clear that I was in the hospital. The nurse called the doctor who then proceeded to to explain that I had been hit by a car who was speeding. I ended getting knocked out, in an induced coma for a couple of days and now have a broken arm and a shattered femur.

My best friend made me a gofundme to help me cover some expenses while I make my insurance claim. My brother offered to use his banking information in the meantime which is my eldest brother which I trust with my life. To my surprise the fundraiser grew and grew day by day, it was heartwarming to see people with whom I stay in touch with on Facebook sharing and donating. A total of twenty thousand after their fees!

I am grateful for the nursing staff but the food was what made me want to leave as soon as possible! Finally, the the day came when I got discharged. Home sweet home, thank goodness I get to sleep in my body bed and no more fluorescent lighting. She wheels me into the entrance and as I go by I see my little black book, I chuckle, the title gets me every time. My sister came to stay with me and help me with just about everything. She is amazing, with her all we do is laugh.

Unfortunately when I opened my emails it was clear I had bills past due. I message my brother and ask him to transfer me the gofundme money that was raised. What came out of his mouth was shocking. He babble's about how he had to use it to settle his debt!, that his intent was to put it back once he got his pending settlement check and that he is sorry. Sorry? Sorry is when you break something by accident. I didn't say much, I was in shock. The conversation ended with he will get a loan and pay me back and all I could say was that I hope so.

I couldn't decide what was worse, the physical pain or my heartache? One day I felt disappointed, another confused because family isn't supposed do this. Each day came and went and nothing. I was the one reaching out almost like a debt collector wondering if he will pay me back. I grew resentful the more he prolonged it and that book that now seems to resonate how I am truly starting to feel, “People I want to punch in the face.”

How does one selfishly betray someone they are supposed to love? I cannot comprehend. On top of it all I am keeping this to myself because I feel embarrassed that this happened in the family. I feel like I am going to explode! Then there I noticed my little black book that right now isn't making me smile, I take my pen, take a deep breath, and I write his name.