How Can Parents Avoid Arguing with Their Children and What Does Discipline Entail?

How can parents avoid arguing with their children? Every parent will feel at some point that his patience and calm are put to the test by the child, who does not listen, refuses to do what he is told, and even responds naughtily and defiantly, he argues, screaming that he is not treated well and that his parents are evil…

And so the quarrels between parent and child begin, because what parent could keep calm when his child behaves disrespectfully and defiantly?

Today's children seem to be much harder to discipline and control; the parent, seeing his child making dramatic scenes, nervous breakdowns, screaming insulting words, responding with sarcasm and defiance, wonders what happened: in his time he would not have allowed himself to behave in this naughty way with his parents!

He would not have allowed himself to refuse, to ignore the requests, to answer naughtily, to laugh, to shout angrily. The perspective on discipline has changed drastically: the emphasis is now on empathic communication, understanding, respect; and not for fear of punishment. But this sometimes makes a child behave provocatively with his parents, to provoke them to quarrel in order to gain power, to do things the way he wants.

Parents may come to believe that they cannot avoid arguing with the child: the little one behaves unacceptably, and the parent has to impose himself, right? But here is the problem: entering into an argument with the child, you do not show that you impose yourself, but give him strength; arguing with the child, answering them in reply, and trying to win an argument, you lose ground and strength as a parent!

The parent should not treat the child as being equal to him, so he should not respond to the challenges and go to war with him. Easy to say… hard to do!

How can parents avoid arguing with their children?

What does the child pursue by starting an argument, provoking and annoying his parent? This is the question you should always ask yourself when the child is trying to involve you in a new quarrel, answering you naughtily, not listening to you, screaming. It follows the angry reaction of the parent and seeks to gain strength.

And the child wants strength when he does not think he is being treated correctly or when he wants to impose his own opinion. Therefore, he ignores his father by declaring his independence or coming up with arguments, questions (the famous "but why?"), Screams and accusations, often start an argument.

Are you arguing with your child to win? But you, as a parent, do not have to earn anything - you have to make it clear that you are the one who has the power that he wants to gain. And to show that you have the power means to behave differently; not yelling at the child, in turn, not explaining why he has to listen and arguing your position shows that you have power. On the contrary, by entering into an argument and a screaming match, you lose power, treating him as if he had the right to treat you that way. What can you do, then?

Always keep your cool and calm, refusing to give him the satisfaction of seeing that he has annoyed you and that he has power over you; repeat to him what you told him before the quarrel (for example, if you asked him something and he refused), then withdraw!

Avoid quarrels with the child by refusing to get involved in them! When the child starts with arguments, petty questions, accusations, ironies, screams, all the parent has to do is calmly withdraw. You can repeat what you told him before you start defying him, then you can withdraw, letting him boil on his own nerves, without responding to the challenge.

This does not mean that you give in, but that you show him, ignoring him and refusing to talk to him, that you will not be provoked and manipulated. Before retiring, tell him calmly and clearly: "I see you are nervous; but things remain as I have told you; and I don't want to see you behave like that, I don't talk to you until I see that you are behaving normally and calmly ".

The child will get worse if I ignore him! This is a problem: when the parent refuses to answer and starts an argument, ignoring the child, he will get even angrier for a moment and will try to get his parent out of the way. Maybe he'll scream more and more ugly things; maybe he'll even hit something; it may threaten to run away or something else.

Not arguing with the child and refusing to talk to him until he calms down can lead to such excessive manifestations of the child who wants to defy and be taken into account; he wants to argue! As long as he does not become violent, the parent can continue to ignore him, only telling him that until he is calm, he will not solve anything (when he becomes unacceptably naughty, he can be sent to think in his room). In time, you can teach him that any dissatisfaction he has, he can solve something only and only if he knows how to express himself calmly and respectfully.

How do you apply? Quarrels are often born because the child feels powerless when asked briefly to do something. Then the child must choose: to listen and do what is asked of him, continuing to feel weak, controlled; or to rebel, to annoy his father, and to feel that he has little power?

One way to try to avoid these quarrels with your child is to learn to ask them things with more consideration and to make them believe that they also have an option: instead of "gathering everything from the living room, finish homework until 8 and come to the table ", you can say" do you want to gather in the living room first and eat, or do your homework first, eat and gather after that? "; it is a way of asking him to do his business more usefully, for it does not seem to be an order.

Therefore, a parent should not get involved in an argument with his child, he should not respond to challenges. It can't be easy, because the little one has a real talent in defying and irritating the parent, in starting a quarrel imperceptibly. But the best reaction of a parent when the child defies him is not to react!

Not to get angry, not to argue his position in front of the child, not to shout in turn, not to try to win; but to withdraw, to deny the child an answer, to show that nothing changes if he makes nervous scenes and to ignore him until he changes his behavior.