Holiday Blues

Why do so many seem to get so sad or even depressed during the holidays? Aside from the obvious recent loss of a life or relationship, seemingly happy and contented people still find themselves getting the holiday blues.

Let's not blame the obvious punching bag of shorter days and grayer weather, those are always the initial culprits. The thing I am seeing across the board, is the relentless inundation of commercialism, societal status seeking, celebrity hero idolizing, and the never ending inflation, is wreaking havoc on people, men and women, both.

Commercialism and advertisers have made it impossible to not be constantly barraged with images of what we don’t have and what we would love to have. Every screen you look at all day long with thousands of pop ups. And we get no choice in the matter. All social media, every television channel, movie streaming service, cable service, etc., is paid high dollars to bombard you every minute of every day. We used to have the option to block our phone numbers from solicitors and undated sales calls, but no longer do we get that courtesy. Our rights to privacy and to not have our personal tastes or interests kept privately, to ourselves, are not respected any longer.

Social media in particular is paid highly to monitor every click, then use clickbait to get you into a wormhole of sites that you never get out to. Look at Pinterest for instance. It takes an innocent search for, let’s say nail art design ideas, like the the Christmas decorated nails we are all seeing these next couple weeks, and now once you have searched it once, Pinterest, will be bombarding you nail are junk. Everything from press on nails to nail art brushes, to polish. It never ends. Facebook also has a knack for taking all your private searches and using them against you by selling the information to advertisers. It tracks every click and every group and every friend and the list goes on and one.

Please do not think that using any sites “op out” option, that you will not be accosted day and night by any and all related advertisements and commercials. It really quite sickening actually. I rarely go on social media for longer than a few minutes to post my art or a story, and then I’m out. It still does nothing to stop the insanity. Your actual internet service provider, cell provider, cable or streaming company are selling your information to any and all who will pay for it so they can have those companies ad dollars.

So what is the problem? The problem is that most people are easily manipulated into thinking that they need a thing or desperately want a thing. I’ll tell you right now, no one needs most of the things they shove down our throats. This unsatisfied desire for a good, makes us uneasy, agitated because we want. And we want a lot. But is it necessary or will it make you happy. No. Not in the long run. Most things are made not to last, disposable, and most things acquired in the manner of impulse buying, will only appease the greed monster for a short time. Time and time again we see that once you get what you want, you begin to want more. Televisions as they keep getting bigger and bigger and fancier, are a prime example.

Let’s get into the other culprit in holiday blues, the social status climbing This is not a new phenomenon, by any means. Humans have been clawing their way up the social ladder since the inception of life. Biblically speaking, Adam and Eve, and Cain and Able are prime examples of this. Both sets of people wanted to be more than they were, were willing to lie or cheat to get it and did so to their detriment. I don’t care of you don’t believe in a god or the bible. The stories are equally poignant for either side of the argument. That being said, this kind of greed or envy has its consequences. If we attain the status, well now, we have to continue to impress and climb and mountain that has no summit. There is always someone with better and higher clout and you wont’t get to be on top, and certainly not for long if you do. This causes a spiral effect of desire and success, to be followed with brief satisfaction and then disenchantment.

It is at the disenchantment phase where we can become depressed and down on ourselves for not having the stature we covet. Teens are especially vulnerable to this, as they deal with, on a daily basis, the social ladder of clicks, or wealth, skill or talents. No where is this pressure more localized than in high school, where every single kid wants to fit in somewhere. When they don’t fit in with the group they want to, or any group, then her comes depression. I remember in high school always wanting to be with the popular kids. I wasn’t. Oh I had friends in the popular groups, but in reality, I was a bit of a geek and a little on the brainy side, which did nothing for my social presence.

The thing we often for get, or don’t even think about is the fact that in the grand scheme of things, none of those people will be following you through life to continue telling you that you aren’t part of their social group. Everyone finds their people in the ends and life goes on. As an adult status seeker, the basics still apply. No one goes home and thinks about what you do or don't have, what title you do or don’t have, or how amazing you are or aren’t because you have attained a higher level of success. Nope they go home and think about their own lives and what they are missing. Status climbing is huge on the list of why we get bummed out. Instead of being content with what we have, we are pummeled with why we should not be.

Instead of always looking how you can climb up one more rung, or over one more person, we should remember to look down the ladder, for a couple reasons. One it never hurts to look back to where you were a year or more ago, so you can feel good about what has already been accomplished, but we don’t often do that. Two, when we look down the ladder or back behind to what we have put behind us, we can get a better view of others without your success. It’s so important to remember and think about the fact that you could have so much less, therefore, hopefully, making you more appreciative of what you do have and where you are in life.

Celebrity hero worship or idolizing is a huge problem in society today. Our children want the life celebrities have, they want what they have, they want fame at any cost. This is so prevalent that social media is overrun with our children, women and men, doing all sorts of risqué and inappropriate things to get attention, with the hope they will gain instant fame and fortune. Does it happen? Yes it does and that’s why they continue to go after the pot at the end of the rainbow. They don’t think about that fact that a famous young actor or musician for that matter, spends all their time admiring themselves and doing all they can to get attention to their careers or their persona. It’s vanity at the most extreme. The worst part is that these children in most cases, don’t realize that some of these famous people have families of their own that they ignore often for weeks and moths. They travel all over the world for their work to maintain their celebrity, while their family gets raised by a third party stranger. Then they wonder why their children become neurotic later on.

The ones that covet their lives don’t see the cost, to the celebrity or all of those around them. So, what happens in this case is the idolization of these profiles, and then the lack of attaining the goal of becoming like them ,causes sadness or despondency. This isn’t limited to children or adolescents, because adults often fall into this spiral as well. It’s ok to not be like them. We need to drill that into ourselves. Yes it would be great to live a fanciful life like they do, but it has a cost. They often sell their souls for fame.

I see so many young beautiful women, parading their half naked bodies to make themselves famous and followed, only to be let down when they don’t get what they want. They sacrifice their modesty to predatory people for what, another click, another like button tapped.

The holidays, recently, have been a huge cause of depression among people. There is always a huge lump of society that gets doldrums at this time of year, because the worries of who they have to shop for, how much do they need to spend, and where the money has to come from keeps them in a bitter battle to make everything happen for all people. Stop!

I am willing to bet that there are few people that can remember everything they got for Christmas or Hanukkah last year, let alone the year before. I know I can’t. I often do not remember a single gift at all. Why? Because my memories are the time with family, the laughs with friends. And it’s not the details of conversation, but the snippets of smiles and feelings that I recall.

We spend so much time trying to get the best gift, spend the most money on a particular person, impress a boss or coworker, or show off to our group of friends, that we can and did out spend someone, or to show someone that we too have enough money to spread the wealth in gift giving, that we put ourselves in a bind and often in debt. This will not make us happier or content. It won’t bring us holiday cheer, but the opposite. In the end, at some point you come back to the ground and realize you over did it, or you gave and it wasn’t appreciated, which in itself makes you melancholy or glum. I mean we all want our gifts to be loved, right. And the that doesn’t happen we take it personally. Trust me, by January, they won’t remember what you gave them, but they will remember how you treated them or of you gave them a warm hug or smile during the holidays. And those are free.

Inflation has made the price of goods skyrocket. No lie. A year before COVID hit, toothpaste was ninety-nine cents a tube, and now you’re lucky if you can get one for five dollars on sale. What has this world come to? Everything from food to gas, clothing to toys, movies to dinners out has doubled, tripled, or even worse. This puts such a high pressure on our psyches when we start to think about shopping for everyone we love and even like or want to impress.

It is the single argument for not killing yourselves to spend on silly or unimportant things. Truly. It is not stingy to limit your spending to your immediate family. There is no shame in not getting your boss something, or an acquaintance at church, or even your friend. All of these people, and I’ll include family, all of them like or love you and will, if they receive nothing from you. And it’s ok, I promise.

So many of us make ourselves miserable for this entire season and then the months after, as the bills trickle in. The pressure to buy, buy, buy, buries us into a depressed state. So what do we do or what can we do?

One, make a list of a handful or people that you absolutely want or have to get a gift for.

Leave it at that. Spouse, parent, children, that’s it. Even they should not need to get a gift to love you and I assure you they don’t. They more than anyone know the climate of the finances in your home. So don’t sweat it.

Want to be happy and not be depressed? Spend some quality time with them, with your friends, with co-workers or acquaintances. What’s a good way to do than and not break your piggy bank doing it? Well, how about a pot luck game night, or a movie night. Instead of everyone having to buy a gift for each and every person, why not do a white elephant gift and a game of swapping them. Google has a plethora of really fun party ideas, where everyone chips in, and no one is out of pocket for much. And guess what? The memories and laughter will be remembered far longer than that coffee mug you bought for Susan two floors down, at the office.

Your children will remember far longer the time you spent with them playing a family game or doing something they are interested in. And you won’t get down in the dumps afterwards. you think back with a smile on your face at the silly things people do when they relax and have fun times. It’s not about the money spent, it’s just not.

The world today is so overwhelming and overrun with have to’s. But in reality, we put that on ourselves. I used to stress the holidays, beginning in October and through Christmas day. I remember when the twenty sixth of December, was the date I could not wait for, so it would all be over. That’s no way to live.

My husband and I, when we got married, made a decision to not buy each other gifts on holidays. We decided we would also not turn our son into some materialistic little monster either. On our son’s first Christmas, we did what every parent does, we buried the tree under gifts for him. Honestly. And you know what happened? He opened a few with a happy face and great excitement, and then he began to cry because he was so overwhelmed, with just too much, too much. He didn’t even remember one toy he got that Christmas, on the following. Not one.

The following year, we got him one gift. The week before we asked him to go through his toys and pick five. He did not know why, but he did it. We then took him to a local shelter and asked him to hand out his toys to some of the children. And he did it. We let him play with the children, my husband and I, went to serve the meal there, and then we went home. My son remembered that the following year and asked of we were going back and he had already selected a bunch of toys for the children. He had not brought enough for everyone the year before he had told us. That was a memory we did’t forget. That is the thing our son remembered the following year, because he didn’t even remember what we bought him.

Each year since then, we would ask what he remembered and his answers were always about the meal, or who came over. He remembered what he did and with whom. Not the trinkets he got that lay lonely under the bed or in the yard year after year. I can tell you, that in all the twenty year new made those changes, we have not felt depressed.

We don’t do black Friday, or cyber Monday. We don’t go crazy shopping for every Tom, Dick, or Harry. We get a simple gift for our son, parents and sometimes adult siblings and sleep peacefully at night.

I’ll say one last thing. If someone doesn’t like you or love you because you didn’t go into debt to spend a wad on the holidays, they are not worth your mental health to begin with. Have a nice get together with people you like in your lives, that is a corporate endeavor, and enjoy the time with them. They will remember hospitality far longer than a thing.

Be happy and joyous, people. Don’t sweat or fear and definitely don’t grieve yourselves over one single day in the year. That day is only twenty four hours and it’s gone for another three hundred and sixty four. May you all have contentment and peace, filling your days will family, friends and love.