HIS HEART SHAPED FACE

As I sat at my dining room table, consumed in grief, and unable to move forward, I won dered why he forgot me. The tears rolled down fast and furious now, thinking hard about what she may have done for him to exclude her. After all she was his only daughter, out of five elder boys, and family was always close. She and her father were always close, so many funny moments and time spent together.

He was a hard working, WWII soldier, who raised six children and put them all through catholic schooling. He was gone alot, and when I was young I was told that he was working. As I became older, I started to see things like my mom washing lipstick off of my fathers collar, from another woman. I began to ask questions like, how come he is gone so long, and why dont we leave him. I had no clue what I was saying as young girl, my mother could not possibly leave with all the children and having him as a sole provider. I mean she could have, but my point is when you are young you have no clue of the resiprication of things, and what could be brought about by such changes.

Many, many times, as a family we needed to go and find my father as he was either laying in a ditch, or a hotel room, or another persons home, innebreated. We all got together, like the army we were, and found him and brought him home and healed his wounds, AGAIN, and AGAIN, and AGAIN. All the years I learned that was just what we did. We are family, blood, it meant something, so I thought. As the years went by, after my mom passed, and several other members of the family passed we still remained close, even closer, or so I thought.

My father aged to a ripe 89 years old, and died of a stroke and dementia. He definately met his demons in the end. The end of the funeral was here and we all sat having lunch at a restaurant, just us immediate family left. I asked when will we all get together to go over dads finances and all of the insurance stuff? Two of my brothers looked my straight in the eye and said, "I don't know how you can ask such a question so soon after my fathers passing!!" They then proceeded to let me know I was excluded along with another brother as well. Stating my father did not like my brothers lifestyle of being gay, and I was excluded because I was spoiled during his lifetime.

As I sat at my dining room table, consumed in grief, and unable to move forward, I won dered why he forgot me. The tears rolled down fast and furious now, thinking hard about what she may have done for him to exclude her. After all she was his only daughter, out of five elder boys, and family was always close.

It was then that he came in all chevy, landing nearly ten feet from me. I was astounded by his size and he seemed very out of place. When he landed, he looked me dead in the eye. I was waiting for him to fly quickly away, but he didn't he stayed and he stared at me. His heart shaped face and his direct stare somehow told me that everything was gonna be okay, and that my father in the end had dementia, and had no clue what was going on. His stare also told me he loved me, and he was hurting just as badly as I was for it all. His stare told me that it was my brothers who would pay for it all in the end, and not me.

When he turned to fly away, he turned again and looked at me, and that is when I knew there was so much more to the afterlife, that we are all connected together in ways we probably do not even understand yet. I was still sitting in astonishment, yet I felt a sort of closure.

It was time for me to let it all go and move forward with life, that barn owl said more in the seven minutes he sat and stared at me, then any fancy speaker or counselor ever could. I love you dad, and I hope your soul is at peace....