Her Future

A knot in her stomach tightened as she marched, imitating confidence, down the hall.

‘Good morning ma’am’ offered the guard.

She nodded.

‘How is the patient?’

‘Unexpectedly jubilant today.’

After opening the door, she nodded and smiled at her patient then checked last night’s stats.

‘Aren’t you going to offer me your opinion, Doctor?’

‘Right now, we need to do more tests to find a conclusion Madam President. Nurse, can you do an MRI this afternoon please?’

‘Yes, Doctor.’

‘Is that the only way to tell me I’m dying Sarah?’

‘Yes mum, it is.’

Sarah left the room, disarmed and desperately keeping her emotion pushed to the pit of her stomach. She called the lift and stepped in. The air smelt of sizzling bacon as the lift rose past the canteen. Stuffing her hands defiantly into her pockets she remembered her little black book. The book that kept all her mother’s notes in, the book that tracked the journey from healthy to near death. Working at the hospital was her dream, until this. Having to manage family, guards and be the daughter of the president had brought a whole new dimension to her work life. People spoke to her differently, her superiors almost bowed as she walked the corridors; it was downright embarrassing, to be honest. She longed to be the doctor they all knew and recognised as the best surgeon the hospital had known, not the daughter of a president.

‘Make sure you keep me updated of any changes made to my notes’ the President whispered to her aide.

‘Of course, Ma’am’

The idea that her daughter would know more than she did caused more anxiety and anger than before. She had been warned to keep her blood pressure down and this was not helping. Why couldn’t she just tell me what the hell is wrong? How have I deteriorated so quickly in such a short time? Her aide stood guard in the corner of the room slightly frowning. Mostly emotion did not come into their lives, but today she thought her aide looked concerned.

‘Please go, Chelsea, and find those notes.’ She felt all her energy pour out of her in just those few words. Resting back on the pillow, she wished she could curl up in a ball and cry like a child but even now, in her hospital bed, she knew she couldn’t. She was the President and had to behave accordingly.

Sarah flicked through her book, reading her notes over and over. Almost every test had been done and she was still struggling to find the answer. She needed more time to research and wondered what favours could be called in. Although she had many friends in the field of research, she was concerned that they would be keen to help because of who her mother was, not because of wanting to find the truth.

She skipped apprehensively down the stairs to the coffee stand. Large latte in hand she sat down with her book once again to see if it held any clues. Her friend Tasha swooped down beside her.

‘You gave me a shock’ Sarah laughed, almost throwing her coffee in Tasha’s direction.

‘Sorry. I just haven’t seen you in forever and wanted to stop by to see how your mum is holding up’.

‘You know mum, being pig headed and controlling as usual.’ Sarah’s shoulders slumped. She wished she could be more positive.

‘Well, I can’t profess to have the answers, but I did think of you when I got my lotto tickets today and thought you might like a go.’ She handed Sarah a piece of paper with numbers across the top. ‘The big win tonight is £250,000. Wouldn’t that be a bonus to your research? Huh, huh’ She nudged Sarah in the shoulder, trying to build some enthusiasm from her.

Sarah smiled. ‘Thanks, Tasha. You are the only one who still treats me like a human being, not some illuminated being from above!’ Tasha put her hand on Sarah’s, smiled and got up to go back to her job. Sarah sat staring at the numbers. It was such a lovely gesture, but she had little faith in lottery numbers as well Tasha knew, but even so she was glad.

Working late into the night, Sarah had a sneaking suspicion that she knew what was wrong with her mother. Money wasn’t her mother’s concern, but it was for the hospital and it was for her research. Sarah didn’t feel that she would in any way win £250000, but even £15000 would help her delve further into finding the answers if she pushed hard enough.

In the morning she felt groggy as if she hadn’t slept, before she fully woke, her phone rand.

‘Mum?’

‘Hi darling, I am still here you know, and I wanted to know where we are. No one will tell me a thing, and I haven’t seen you in the last 24 hours.’ Subtle as ever, thought Sarah.

‘I am doing as much research as possible, mum, and although I have hunches, I don’t have any definitive answers for you at the moment. That is why I haven’t called you or come back to see you. What is the point of me – us, speculating? Whatever it is, you will need time-out to recover for a while and to get your job, I mean head, around how to move forward.’ Exasperated, she waited for a snappy response.

‘I see. Am I dying, Sarah? Is this the end of my life – I just need you to be honest.’ For once she sounded sad, old, and worried.

‘Mum, I don’t believe you are, no. But I haven’t got the full answer for you either at the moment. I have some ideas that I need to run past others and possibly more tests but until I have something definite then I can’t say anything to you. I think whatever we identify will be a long road to recovery – you need to accept that and focus on how well you can do your job in your condition.’

Sobbing. There was actual sobbing coming down the telephone.

‘Please, mum. Rest and try not to speculate. I have to go; I need to continue researching this.’

She hung up and felt devastated. She wished she had a magic wand to make this go away, but right now, she needed to research further and work harder than she ever had done before.

Walking slowly down the corridor, she heard jogging footsteps behind her.

‘Hi!’ squealed Tasha.

‘Hi Tash’ Sarah retorted demoralizingly.

‘Did you check them?’

‘Check them?’ Sarah was always thrown by Tasha’s random questions.

‘The lotto numbers?’ Tasha was overly excited.

‘Of course I haven’t, it really wasn’t top of my list last night.’ Sarah snapped back and felt justified in her irritation.

‘Jeez, sorry, I was just trying to take your mind of all of this.’ Tasha always responded like a scorned puppy in times like these and then Sarah felt like a stern headmistress telling her off.

‘No, I’m sorry. Life is shit right now and I don’t know what to do about it’

‘Why don’t we grab a coffee, and I will check the numbers on my phone?’ Always the optimist – Tasha at least made her smile.

The coffee felt good warming the back of her throat. She sat with the child like Tasha whilst she checked her phone.

‘Shit, you’ve won!’ Tash screamed.

‘What?’

‘You’ve got 5 numbers out of 6 - that must mean something?

Sarah laughed sarcastically – ‘yeah, probably means I’ve won a tenner.’

‘Wait, there is a link here to tell you how much you actually won. Oh my goodness, look, seriously, look what it says.’

‘There are 50 winners this week of the roll-over draw matching 5 numbers. Each winner will grab £20,000 as the overall prize amount was so big this week. Congratulations!’ Sarah dropped the phone on the floor. By winning this, she could begin the clinical trials for her mum’s condition. Sobbing into Tasha’s arms, she just kept repeating ‘thank you, thank you, thank you’.