Hamid Ahmed's Little Wager

“We are sorry for your loss.” The lawyer says rigidly, “We have been instructed by the late Hamid Ahmed to contact you in the event of his passing for the purposes of his will.”

“Do you wish to continue?”

Sarah took a while to catch up to what was being said, it had been a while since she heard her mother tongue being spoken so formally, and the flight over didn’t exactly leave her feeling well rested and alert. She almost wished she hadn’t arrogantly waved off the offer to have an English translator earlier.

She nods in agreement.

“We have very specific and rather unusual instructions for your portion of the will, Sarah Mahmud.” the lawyer looks at his assistant and the young assistant looks back with an imperceptible shrug.

Shifting in his seat and adjusting his spectacles, he continues to read “Mr. Ahmed has left you the option of leaving with 850,000,000 rial, which would be roughly,”

He taps on a clunky calculator.

“20000 US dollars,”

“And this- “

He reaches into a briefcase and pulls out a very thick, very worn notebook. Black leather, with obvious wear, the notebook had pages folded in and the discoloration of the pages looked jaundiced.

Sarah stares at the lawyer while automatically reaching for the book. Because maybe she heard “or” but the word was really “and”.

The lawyer coughs and repeats the phrase off the page ‘850,000,000 rial or my personal diary.’

Sarah, taken aback, composes herself, and in a way that may not have been grammatically perfect, asks if she has to make this decision right now.

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Outside of the office Sarah's cousin Leah had been waiting for her and gives her a big hug.

“Oh my god Sarah you look amazing! Do you work out?” Leah giggled as the two cousin-sisters dramatically checked each other out.

“I’m so glad you could come Leah! It’s been way too long!”

“Yeah, but it doesn’t feel like it.”

“That’s true too.” Sarah says taking in the landscape. ‘The air hangs heavier here,’ she thought.

“Let’s walk to lunch!” Leah says

“Oh? You have sidewalks now, huh?” Sarah pokes teasingly.

Leah pushes Sarah playfully, “Yeah only in the bougie parts of town,” waving to the multi-story office building Sarah had just walked out of.

“So, how’d it go?” Leah cocks her stylishly covered head at her cousin.

“Man! You’re never going to believe it!”

“He left you a shack and a cow.” Leah says snort-laughing.

“No man, I wish!” Sarah kind of meant it. At least then she’d know what to do. Sell the land, eat the cow.

“He has ten more abandoned children. After everyone else, all you got was a pocket watch,” Leah suggests playfully.

“No, no, he left me a book.”

“A book?”

Sarah nodded

“Is it a fancy Quran?” Leah suggests, still smiley “What a hypocrite!”

“No, a diary”

“Oh, that’s all? Couldn’t they have posted that to you? Although they’d probably have to sign stuff and mailing to the States isn’t reliable these days…,” Leah trailed off.

“Yeah, no. So, it wasn’t just the book, it was strange… He left me an ultimatum, his diary or 20,000 US Dollars.”

Leah blinked several times dramatically.

“You’re joking.”

“I wish I was.” Sarah felt relieved that Leah also found it ridiculous.

“Tell me you picked the money.” Leah stopped walking.

“No, I didn’t pick either yet. I asked for another day.”

Sarah sighed, so the choice was obvious.

“Oh, well what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know…” Sarah was starting to feel exhausted. “Is it bad that I want the money? I was legitimately so excited when I heard them tell me the dollar amount.”

“No man, that’s understandable.” Leah responded thoughtfully.

“Right, I mean it's the least he can do…”

“Dude. That’s actually kind of messed up that he put you in that situation.”

“I know.” Sarah wondered what Leah was really thinking. ‘Am I just overthinking this?’ she thought.

“Well, what do you think is in the notebook?”

“I don’t know, maybe like a life of adventure or something, it had all sorts of bookmarks and wear and tear.” Sarah said, “Do you think if I pick the notebook, I’ll get both? Like it’s some sort of test or something?”

“No. I don’t think so, I think you’ll genuinely have to choose.” Leah shut her down.

“Man.” Sarah and Leah crossed the busy intersection just by looking around, no zebra walks in this country. Sarah was a bit rusty, but Leah held her hand.

“I don’t know him at all. I don’t know why I even care about his life or what’s in that stupid diary, but I do!” Sarah admitted.

“It’s natural to be curious. Who knows it could be an exciting story that you could sell to Hollywood and make much more than 20k!”

Sarah and Leah looked at each other and laughed.

“What would you do?” Sarah asked Leah earnestly.

Leah pauses, “I’d take the money. Mom’s surgery is going to cost a lot, and it’s not like we don’t have it, it’ll just set us back. I can tell by the look on dad’s face. We may even have to travel somewhere for it. I’m not sure, I’m not kept in the loop so that I can focus on my studies. But, that 20k in dollars amounts to a lot of money here…” Leah paused, “But I don’t know if I can answer that question in earnest because I had a father growing up. He’s a bit stern but, he never pressured me to get married and totally supports me getting an education. You didn’t get to have a dad. So... I don't know how you feel.” Leah finished her spiel abruptly.

“I don't know why mom didn’t remarry. We’re not struggling, she’s just on her feet all day and I don't want her to do that forever.” Sarah clarified.

“I don’t know of anything that happened that would justify him leaving us in America. I barely remember him.” Sarah explained, even though Leah already knew.

“Maybe he had debts to the mafia! And they threatened to kill his family, so he left!” Leah pitched. She never let anything stay too solemn.

“Or maybe he had a curse put on him by the village woman he lost his virginity to and he was trying to undo it- and keep evil eye from dooming all of you” Leah’s mind is running wild now.

“Maybe he just had another wife and kid and realized making it in America is too much manual labor and decided it wasn’t worth it…” Sarah retorts, being a downer.

They sat in silence before Leah chimed in. “That doesn’t seem like a reality you could fill a big notebook with.”

“You could! You’d just write, “I’m sorry. I miss you every day. I hope you’ll forgive me. Your mom and you two are probably better off without me.” in different ways over and over again. Maybe his other family’s pictures and lives and details are there too- like maybe his death wish is that we meet” Sarah posits. This scenario seems likely.

“How did Maher react? To the news of your biological father’s death?” Leah asks.

“He didn’t really care. It’s not something he’s outwardly emotional about. He’s busy with school and friends and relationship stuff.”

“I wonder what he would have gotten as an offer if he came for the will.” Leah says. The two of them were seated on a boulder at the edge of a park now.

“Hmm I don't know. The will seemed to be directed at me, but maybe there was something for him too.” Sarah hadn’t really considered it. Maher was a little baby when dad left.

“Damn, maybe if he had come, he could have gotten the money and I could have gotten the book!” Sarah put her head in her hands. Clearly exasperated.

“Let’s talk about something else.” Leah says kindly. “How’s your school-work going?”

“Oh, it's going okay. I don't know why I’m getting a PhD in sociology. I’m a Teacher’s Assistant on the side but the pay is pretty garbage.”

“Hmm, I always liked sociology.” Leah said.

“I liked it too. It’s just I worry about not getting a job at a university with good pay. I want Ma to stop working soon, but the PhD is dragging, even though I only have my thesis left. It’s becoming difficult to stay motivated. I keep getting distracted and thinking I want to study other topics.”

“What's your topic?”

“Outcomes for children of immigrants in single-parent households.” Sarah was a bit embarrassed by her topic- one that she’d been so enthusiastic about years earlier.

“Oh, an autobiography?” Leah hit the nail on the head.

“Pretty much. How’s your studying going?” Sarah asked, changing the subject.

“I mean, I’m studying accounting. It’s not that tough. I should be able to get a secretarial job, but I do think my parents are waiting for me to give them the okay to start looking. They probably have already been looking…” Leah looked distracted and unamused for the first time.

“I mean, do you have a boyfriend you’d prefer to marry?” Sarah asked.

“What would you do with the money?” Leah asked, skillfully evading the question. Like always.

“I’d probably just keep it for after graduation.” Sarah said, deciding not to push the boyfriend issue.

“What’s after graduation?” Leah asked.

“Well, I’d take a break. Not a long break, but Ma and I could take a break and re-do parts of the house and I could read for fun again and paint. I haven’t painted in a long time.” Sarah trailed off.

Leah looked confused.

Sarah felt uncertain. Even resentful of having to make this decision- this choice.

Leah’s look of confusion abated, “That sounds nice. Maybe Aunty, you and Maher could come back together for my wedding or something”

Sarah smiled. The two met with Leah’s little brother and cousin at the shawarma shop.

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The next day Leah waited for Sarah outside the building again. The whole family laughed all night about Sarah’s dilemma. Leah’s father was adamant that he knew that Sarah’s father was a bad writer and a rascal when he married his sister- even though he definitely didn’t. There was even talk from the elders about whether the money or the book was cursed. But as much as the younger generations, uncles and aunts feigned deference for their opinions, nodding solemnly, they were laughing with their eyes and winking at Sarah and Leah.

Leah saw Sarah enter the lobby through the glass on the outside of the entrance.

“So!?” she almost yelled at her as soon as she opened the door.

“He’s so dramatic!”

“The lawyer?”

“My dad!” Sarah said, smiling. “The instructions on the will said to burn whatever I didn’t pick”

“You had to watch them burn 20,000 dollars in cash?!” Leah was shouting now.

“Dessert on me!” Sarah said, smiling evasively, and ran across the street, bobbing through traffic before Leah could pester her.