HalfCircle

All my life I have wanted nothing more then to have a family. My family was no more, when in reality I have always been alone. My mother put my brother and I up for adoption when I was six and he was eight. By the second foster home we were in the state decided to separate us in the hopes we would be adopted quicker. It failed in this purpose with us both not getting adopted until the age of twelve.

There are no words to describe the horror show my life became after entering into the system. People do their worse when they have no one to answer to and if you're not grateful enough to keep letting them abuse you it may be a worse situation that awaits you. The familiar hell is better then the unfamiliar hell until its not. Satan can take on many forms some I just wasn't looking for. The latest form is a teacher that has become my boyfriend. Here, I thought, at long last a person I could trust. With hope in my heart I put everything into the relationship sharing all my thoughts and ideas. Little did I know he was claiming they were his ideas and he is just enabling me because I didn't have a job. Which I didn't but I was self employed selling things on eBay when in between jobs. I had had my own business selling adult novelties online after working for a warehouse where the items were stored.

The man I live with, I can't call him my boyfriend because that sounds like he's on my side but he's not, keeps me falsely imprisoned. He would rather have me living with him, miserable, then give the money to get the hell out. The reasons I think he should give me the money to leave is that I don't have a job or any money of my own. He will only allow me to work very minimal jobs which pay minimally. This way it would take me forever to save enough money to move. Besides that as soon as I'm working he starts making me pay for everything so I can't save any money. Basically he never intended on helping like he said he would. The only person Jon helps is Jon period!

From the moment I moved in he started treating me like his live in whore. He didn't care about much else weather I did or not didn't matter as long as he could treat me like shit and still spread them every night he was happy. He likes the idea of having sex with a porn star or pole dancer, which I am neither, but that is his fetish. He was never about helping me. His goal is to cripple me to the point I will never be able to leave. He has stolen everything of mine that had any value what so ever, including my ideas. He uses me and my past to gain empathy from his coworkers. Not one of them ever wondering why he got smart all of a sudden that's because he has known me for ten years. Stealing from me from the very beginning. Like pure ROh2o. He would tell me that filling the water station I got for my dog the water would go bad before my dog was able to drink it all. I explained to him that he was wrong because I was using the same water from the 5 gallons jugs the water man delivered and none of them go bad. When I first got my dog I decided if it wasn't good enough for me to drink why would I give it to my dog. Words he would later repeat when explaining why they needed better water for the kids at his school to drink. This man doesn't hardly drink any water himself when it is all I drink except coffee or Red Bull in the morning. I drink so much water that by the time I go to bed my urine is clear. Now he claims to have done a study on water but not which publication published it and if he did it was after that initial water confrontation. None of this was I aware of at the time or I wouldn't have moved in with him.

Having been raised in the foster care system it was common place to have my ideas stolen. Not only that but any and all good deeds and all words spoken to assist others with positive results were given to someone else. It's so obvious it's almost funny. These people don't even know me but because the people that do know me treat me this way it must be for a good reason so they do to. This way I can never expect any different. Society in general is against me because I may become a burden on society. Well, let me tell you it is society that is a burden on me! My IQ is 137 and maybe even higher now that I'm sober.

That's another thing that society needs to understand that I have spent the majority of my adult life in a self-induced drug coma that I never expected to come out of. My boyfriend wants me back there because he can then do what ever he wants and I'm to out of it to notice. He would be happy if I would just go ahead and kill myself. For some reason he and my ex both think that if I kill myself because of them it's the ultimate in control. Murdering someone without having to actually kill someone. These are the kind of people I'm dealing with. They targeted me for a reason. It's not too hard to figure out that orphans or kids that age out of the system has one foot in the grave to begin with. Which is true I do but have since I can remember, it's why I feel so alive and live to the fullest knowing my days are numbered.

This is a teacher I live with and teachers are notoriously trustworthy. My adopted mom was an RN and her husband was a deputy sheriff and you're suppose to be able to trust them too. That is everyone except me. Everyone else these people try to help, painfully reminding me that they just didn't want to help me any more. Not one of them had I ever asked to help me. It's something I will never get over, never will I come back from that. If these people had set out to purposely hurt me they couldn't have done a more thorough job. The other point I have to make about this total betrayal by the person that swore to keep me at least until I turn 18 is the judge that allowed her to disown me based on a bunch of lies. What child wants to be were they are not wanted? None! That goes double for a foster kid and yet with that said my adopted mom was no longer my mom. Back into the system I went.

Immediately after they got rid of me they moved his youngest daughter into my room. I went to live with his nephew that after thinking about it was purposely called in to get rid of me. His reward would be my virginity. My mom and her new husband had already tried to get me arrested by entrapping me at the Jr. Achiever's where I was a member. This contradicted their reason for wanting me gone so they partnered up with the faculty to get me kicked out if not arrested. I wouldn't go along with their plan so the lady that approached me to steal, which I refused, gave me $9 to keep my mouth shut and they kicked me out. I remember over hearing her tell my adopted mom that the best she could do is make it like I was never an Achiever so my name was stricken from their records. My adopted mom lied to her parents telling them that I kept running away from home which I never did.

It's almost impossible to gain my feet when the people closest to me keep using me to wipe their boots on. It's even harder to explain that the people closest to you are your biggest enemies pushing you to think the worst of yourself because everyone else does. It becomes an impossible task to convince people you are a good person when the people closest to you treat you like you've done them horribly wrong. Society doesn't want you because your just going to be a burden on it so they make you a push option on the market so they can recover some of the loses you create by just being alive. Everything you do and say is taken from you in case it can turn a profit for everyone but you. Companies will out live us all so don't think your ideas and words aren't being archive for later distribution after your death. They have algorithms for this.

Society and everyone in it systematically eliminates these people without people by getting them to kill themselves. It's not that hard to do and most do kill themselves before they even age out of the system. No one really cares because they know that these people stain the system with no hopes of them ever contributing to society. Most people that age out of the system wind up in prison or some other mental institution or homeless on the streets or dead. Not many but a few do make good and become successful. Most of these people were only in the system for a short time going back to their family or getting adopted. The statistics are not good for those that age out and these are the ones I'm talking about. There has to be something more for them then suicide or crime. No one wants them around they aren't right, they are missing something. Damn straight they are, they are missing a society that celebrates them and their bravery for facing life alone.

Now society wants to rid itself of prejudices and in its way stands orphans, foster kids, and prisoners. Now society can't keep sweeping us under this lumpy ass carpet, lumpy from all the kids they keep there. Out of site out of mind. Kids are expendable especially when they have no parent or guardian. Who are they going to tell anyway, that would believe them? It's the adults that are fucked up not so much the kids. It's the adults that want to be popular, fashionable, charitable, compassionate, empathetic and no clue why their adopted children aren't grateful enough to them. Their expectations of you aren't being met and they will be damned if they are going to stand for that. So they try everything to beat that gratitude into you and still none. Well if that's the way you are going to be, they can't have you hanging around and writing a book about it later telling the whole world that they failed you. For one they only know how to read if you taught them. For another they wouldn't think, not even for a second, that you are anything but their super hero for taking them in. All the mean and awful things you have been doing to them is really completely lost to them. What over rides all that passive aggressive behavior is the roof over their head and the food in their tummies. Kids are taught all they know taking their cues from their parents, absent them kids have a hard time knowing what to take on from others some choosing to not take on anything. My point is that these kids get what other children don't; a choice.