Grief.

Grief. How do we deal with it? It’s something we cannot avoid in our lifetime.

Growing up, we had several deaths on my mom’s side of the family. When I attended my first funeral, I wasn’t aware of what was going on because I was young. Nobody in my family explained anything either. I remember it was my aunt. She had suddenly passed away and we had to make the trip down to Mexico to attend the funeral.

A day after we arrived, the body arrived in a casket to my uncle’s house. All the furniture was moved to make room for her and chairs were setup. The family prayed a rosary for seven days as it was tradition in our religion to do so for the dead. The kids all ran around the casket because nobody really explained anything about why she was in the box with a see-through glass. It wasn’t as scary during the day as it was at night because then the jerk cousins had stories to tell to scare the young ones.

One of those days, her mouth opened, and it scared all of us small children. We kept saying she was alive, and we needed to take her out of the box because she was breathing. Little did we know and understand that this was something normal that might occur because she was not embalmed.

When the time came to bury her, the body was transported in the back of my uncle’s truck to the church. After the service, the body was then transported to the cemetery near my grandmother’s house. It was a challenge to get to and from each location because in Mexico, unless you pay extra for police escort, nobody gives you the right of way for the procession.

After my aunt, my mother’s stepdad, (he never liked us, so we never called him grandpa) passed away and again we made the trip to Mexico. After him, my mother lost her mother, two brothers and two sisters. One of her sisters lived in Texas and she wasn’t far from us. It was a two-hour trip for her funeral. The funerals also didn’t happen back-to-back. Years had passed between all of them. Except for one brother and sister. They died within ten days of each other. Needless to say, my mother is a strong woman to endure the losses she’s lived through. Not too long ago, I saw a Tik Tok that referenced how siblings will be at their funerals. There will be one that will be able attend all of them, and one will never attend any. It was along those lines. I don’t remember it word for word.

My mother doesn’t open up to us at all and I know she’s suffered in silence for the loss of her siblings and mother. She really didn’t care for her stepfather. He was just an evil person who later we found out he would sexually assault his daughters. My grandmother had seven children with my mom’s father, and three children with her stepfather. Now I know why my mother always told us to stay away from him and never to sit on his lap.

As children you don’t understand why they want to keep you away from someone, but as adults, the understanding of it is clearer.

A couple of years ago, my father lost his parents. He had one loss a few years prior; it was his younger sister. She was closer to him, and he grieved her in silence. He had never lost a sibling until then. When his mother died, he soon lost his father three months later. They were well into their ninety’s. His grief was more visible with the loss of his father. They both lived a very long life.

I recently just found out my friend lost her son. The pain in her voice is something that is difficult to hear because she is an amazing caring mother. My heart aches for her because I’ve known her and her son for years. This loss is painful as it was her only child. It was painful enough to know he had cancer at a young age, and now losing him, the deep grief she is experiencing is heart breaking.

The one aunt I lost that lived in Texas, was one of my favorite aunts. Not a day goes by without me thinking about how wonderful she was to me and when I’ve traveled on the road, I miss having the long conversations with her to relieve my anxiety. She was the best in those situations because we would pray, talk about other things and she always knew how to help me with the anxiety issues. I miss her every day and every time I’m in Lubbock, I visit her grave and talk to her. I still cry from time to time because I miss her. She’s been gone for thirteen years now. By no means, I’m telling anyone to forget anyone.

A few months ago, I also lost my dear Yorkie, and it was very difficult for me. I still grieve her because she was my baby. For some, this is not relatable, and this is alright. For me and my family, having lost our fifteen-year-old Yorkie was a huge loss.

I know I’m not the best in dealing with it because we all have different ways of doing so. I don't think there's a right or wrong way of dealing with it. I’m interested in knowing how other’s deal with grief. As much as I write and read books, I feel like this is my way of doing so, but then I catch myself having a moment of memory of my loved ones and pets and the tears flow.

For anyone who has gone through the grief losing a loved one, I am sorry for your loss and know that you will with time heal. Not that I’m saying to forget, because I can’t forget those whom we have lost. But the pain gets easier.