Grandpa Charlee

"It's dusty in here," said Nera coughing and waving her hand in front of her face.

We were in my late grandpa's house, which was left for me in Wisconsin, not far from Lake Geneva. My wife, Nera and I were clearing his old things out to get ready to move in.

I looked over at Nera and forced a smile. "Thank you for helping me with this, but I do not want you to do too much," I said and walked across the attic to go through the last box.

"Id do anything for you, Tate," said Nera and starting coughing again.

"I can do this alone," I suggested as I opened the box. I assumed it would be more clothes. The attic smelled like my grandpa. He always smelled like fresh wood mixed with grass. Every whiff I got of him as I pulled clothes out of all the boxes made my heart flutter and not in the right way. "There isn't much up here to see after I go through this box."

My grandpa died of a heart attack three weeks ago with his caretaker by his side. He was my only father figure growing up because my mom was what most people would call "wild and free." My mom told me my dad could've been one of a few men in the 80s and never elaborated beyond that.

My mom died when I was 12 from a drug overdose, and from then on, I lived with my grandpa. My life changed drastically in the best way possible. It was just him and I, as his wife (my grandmother) died from having my mom.

We go through the final box and pull out more sweatshirts and a few pairs of old boots that my grandpa used for fishing in the mud at the lake near the house. I could still see old earth on the edges of the shoes. At the bottom of the box was a black book. It was old and ripped in a few places.

"What's this?" I ask out loud, and Nera shrugged.

"Maybe a journal," suggested Nera.

The doorbell rang from downstairs, and I jumped.

"Who is that?" I demanded.

"I got us burgers," stated Nera heading towards the stairs with excitement.

My stomach made a weird grumbling sound as if it was aware food was on the way.

"You are a lifesaver," I yell out loud as I hear her foot trampling down the stairs.

I open the black book to the first page. At the top, it was dated 'October 6, 1998' and had my full name under the date: Tate Gorman. It had the items grandpa needed to buy me from the store before my arrival. A few things on the list were a toothbrush, new covers, and curtains.

I remember that day as it was yesterday. I close my eyes and imagine the 1st time the social worker dropped me off at my grandpa's house.

***

The drive was scary. I did not know what to expect. I had never met my grandpa. My mom said he was much too strict, and she left the first chance she got. We finally pull up after driving through farmlands and fields. I looked at him from inside the car and saw him smiling at me from his porch for the first time. He was on the short side but muscularly built. He had on old jeans that were high waters with holes in them and a checkered shirt covered in dirt.

The social worker got out of the car, opened the door, and walked me to my grandpa.

"Hi Tate, "said my grandpa with a wide toothy grin.

"I am your Grandpa Charlee."

I said nothing and just stared at him.

"Well," said the social worker finally. "You two the best of luck, and I know you will have a lot of fun together!"

"Why don't you come inside," he said, holding my hand to gently pull me to come in as he nodded to the social worker and walked off with me. "I made a nice stew yesterday since I knew you were coming, and you look as if you could warm up."

I walked inside with him but pulled my hand from his grasp. It felt as though I was too old to hold another man's hand.

My grandpa fed me two servings of beef stew and three pieces of cornbread. I was so used to TV dinners I had to make myself; I couldn't believe food could be delicious.

After we had dinner, he grabbed our dishes from the table and placed them in the sink.

"I will show you your room once you complete the dishes in the sink," he said as he wiped the table with a dishrag.

"I don't want to do the dishes," I said finally. "My mom never made me do them."

My grandpa stopped wiping the table and looked me in the eye with a piercing glare. "Respect is the biggest form of love, and I will respect you, and you will respect me, and in turn, we will respect our home," he said finally.

His tone was firm, but he never raised his voice. I remember my mom yelling at me for everything that I was numb to the yelling, but the calm and firm tone lit a fire in me. It made me never want to speak to him that way again.

I got up, and I scrubbed all the dishes in the sink without another word.

I remember that night I laid in a bed made of wood that he told me he made just for me. The covers smelled fresh, and the pillows were fluffy. The window was slightly propped open by an old hardback book, and I could hear the frogs and crickets outside. It was the best sleep I ever received in my life.

***

Nera popped her head in from the top of the stairs.

"Are you coming down to eat?" she asked.

"I will be there in a minute, sweetheart," I answer and placed my attention back on the black book.

I turn to the next few pages of the black book and saw another date on top. 'April 14, 2001.'

He had supplies for us to go camping and fishing.

***

"Let's go, young man," yelled my grandpa from the front door.

I ran downstairs excited and ready to go with my hat on my head and backpack on my back.

"Sorry, grandpa, I was on the phone with Bella," I said, grinning.

"Yes, I heard you on the phone most of the night talking to the young lady," he said as we headed out the door.

"She's just some girl from school," I said casually.

"Do you like her?" asked grandpa.

"I don't know if I do, but she is gorgeous," I replied as we walked through the trails of the backyard to get to the lake.

"That's it?" challenged grandpa. "What about Alison, who brings you cookies from time to time and asks if you can come outside?"

I laughed. "Not Alison; she is not that pretty!"

Grandpa stopped in his tracks and grabbed my shoulders.

"There is no beauty greater than a good heart," he said and placed his hand firmly on my chest.

"Was grandma pretty?" I ask as we started the walk again.

"That woman was the most beautiful person I ever saw in my life, and when I saw her, I knew I had to marry her," he replied.

"So once I find the right one, Ill know?"

"There will be no doubt in your mind."

We continued along the trail and got to our destination. We set up the tents, and he showed me how to start a fire which frustrated me, because I could not get it right after several times.

"The only way you will fail at this is if you stop trying," said grandpa as I threw the wood against another tree in anger.

"I suck at this," I snapped angrily.

"Then keep practicing and don't stop," assured grandpa. "A real man never quits."

After a few more attempts, I finally started a fire, and it was one of the most accomplished moments of my life.

***

I turn through a few more pages. 'June 17, 2004'. My grandpa wrote down all the things he had to purchase for my graduation. I could tell by his handwriting how jubilant he was. The words were messier, and there were wide spaces between each word.

***

After I walked across the stage and met him outside, I saw him there grinning in his old-fashioned brown suit. He had his hair slicked down from gel and had the same smile he gave me when he first met me at twelve.

I ran up to him and gave him the biggest hug.

"Thank you for everything, grandpa," I said as tears welled up in my eyes. He embraced me with a hard manly hug. I was taller than him at this point.

"Becoming an adult is taking the courage to grow up and be who you are," said grandpa.

"Yes, sir," I said, nodding.

"Take this," he said, handing me a suitcase.

"Grandpa, no one uses suitcases anymore," I said jokingly and grabbed the suitcase. "It's heavy; what is in it?"

"Something to start you off right," said grandpa as I opened the suitcase.

In the suitcase was a stack of money.

"Grandpa…----"

"Now you know I don't really trust bank institutions much, which is why I am giving it to you like this, but spend it wisely," he said as I started crying. "You deserve this, and you worked hard in school."

"How much…grandpa…thank you," I stammered.

"It is 20,000 dollars."

***

I turn the pages of the black book and felt tears fill my eyes heavily. I noticed the next few pages were letters I wrote to him over the years.

Nera came back upstairs, and I quickly wipe my face.

"Is everything okay?" she asked and sat next to me. "Your burger is cold."

"Everything is good," I reply. "I just miss my grandpa and wish I made an effort to visit him after I graduated high school."

"He knew you loved him," said Nera rubbing my back. "He knew, and he told me that too whenever we talked to him on the phone."

"He loved me more than I ever deserved," I said as I continued through the pages of the black book.

The notes at the end of the black book became less frequent and were mostly stuff he wanted to eat for dinner and tools he needed to fix stuff around the house. I went to the last page and saw a message that read: "Suppose you want to be trusted, be honest. Suppose you want to be honest. Be true. Suppose you want to be true. Be you."

"Even after his death, he is teaching me life lessons," I said softly. I touch Nera's pregnant belly and look into her eyes. "I want to name our baby 'Charlee.'"

Nera grinned and placed her hand on top of mine on her stomach. "I honestly cannot think of a better name."

I place my mouth close to Nera's stomach to talk to baby Charlee. "Respect is the biggest form of love, and I will respect you, and you will respect me, and in turn, we will respect our home."

I stand up with the black book in my hands and help Nera up from the floor, and I go downstairs so I can eat my cold burger.