Grandma

My grandma just passed away this past week. She died from lung cancer. Never smoked a day in her life. It hasn't even been a year since she was diagnosed. It feels like a hole was punched through my chest. I've been struggling with my words for quite a few days now, but she always encouraged me to write so here it goes.

She was the most beautiful person I have ever met. She truly was. She had a volunteering spirit. She was giving, she was kind. She had the best heart and she was the best grandma. She is why I love spirituality. She was always known to be a good listener, and she was just the kindest woman you would ever meet. Everybody keeps telling me she was the best boss they ever had.

She used to pay me in books when I first started working for the family business. I spent every weekend working with her and staying with her from the time I was twelve till I got my license when I was 16. We spent so much time together watching horror movies and working together. She became like a second mother to me while growing up.

The amount of weddings that I catered with her- makes me so terribly sad that she won't be at mine. I'm utterly heartbroken at the fact that she's missing it. I know she will be by my side in spirit but wow does this ever hurt.

The impact of her passing has truly shocked me. She didn't have a funeral. But wow if she did we would have had to use the local rink to host one for her. That shocked me. Her impact on our small community was a powerful one.

Before she passed, we all shaved our heads because her hair was falling out after brain radiation. I remember a moment from my childhood when her and my mom both shaved their heads for a coworker of theirs and I wanted to do the same thing. We set up a barber shop and got to work. She just didn't want to be sick. That woman was a fighter.

She truly inspires me. She always has.

I loved her. I loved her spirit. She was truly my person. My best friend. All I ever wanted, was to make her proud of me. I know she's no longer in pain but I just miss her. I spent all weekend with family and when I came home on Sunday, I had thawed out meat for supper before she passed and my first instinct was to call her and see if it was still okay to cook. But I can't. She's just gone.

I gifted her a book called, "Grandma, What's your Story?" I keep running my fingers along her writing. It was unfinished as she couldn't write towards the end. But it still meant the world to me that I have this memory for my children. We were really close with her. She always gave them the best wide arm hugs.

If you love someone, just tell them. Don't wait. Because life is just too random and short not to. I miss my grandma. I wish that I told her I loved her more. It feels like I lost my parent and my best friend all at once. Just like a hole was ripped through my chest.

She was such an amazing woman. She truly was.

She meant the universe to me. 💕

I love you Grandma Judy. I know you're watching over my little family. I hope that I make you proud one day.