Goodbye

3:30pm:

I'm sitting in my chair reading a book when my son comes in to sit with me. Sitting on the bed he asks what I'm doing I tell him I'm reading a book. We laughed together. We sit and chat for several moments. He's laughing and smiling, something I don't see him do very often. He stands up and comes to me and tells me how much he loves me and then I'm and that I'm a great mom. I laugh and say where did that come from. I love hearing it but it's not something that your 49-year-old child often come to you and says. He laughs and says he's just in a really great mood today. He hugs me and gives me a kiss. The goes outside where he has been tinkering with his Jeep.

5:00pm: I receive a text message from my son which is a very beautiful song by Chester See:

Even Though I'm Gone

Time is a funny thing

I think that everything

It's still happening

Just in a different place

Things don't disappear

Just cause the view changed

So think of when we both had us a laugh

And I promise you that

We're still laughing right now

We're laughing right now

Trust me when I say that I'm at peace

Every little flame goes out eventually

Though I'm already gone

I'm still the words I left behind

I'm still a memory to make you smile

And those will be there for awhile

Though I'm already gone

When you look up to the sky

Just find a star that's shining bright

And know I'm right there by your side

I'm still with you

Even though I'm gone

And I wish that I could right my many wrongs

So quick to turn away

Always waited too long

I'm sorry to the ones that I let down

I was never perfect

So I hope it

Ended where I helped more than I hurt

I know I hurt

But trust me when I say that I'm at peace

Every little flame goes out eventually

Though I'm already gone

I'm still the words I left behind

I'm still a memory to make you smile

And those will be there for awhile

Though I'm already gone

When you look up to the sky

Just find a star that's shining bright

And know I'm right there by your side

I'm still with you

Even though I'm gone

And I know

It's not easy, it's not easy letting go

So if you need me, you can find me in these notes

I'm still with you

I'm always with you

Though I'm already gone

I'm still the words I left behind

I'm still a memory to make you smile

And those will be there for awhile

Though I'm already gone

When you look up to the sky

Just find a star that's shining bright

And know I'm right there by your side

I'm still with you

Even though I'm gone

If you ever need me

Just play this song

I thought it was very beautiful and we often share music we like. I smile and think how nice it is to have someone to share with,someone who has become your best friend.someoneIt's getting late, I go to check on Donald to see what he's doing and how the car is coming. Neither he nor the car are in the garage. I find this very odd I didn't hear the car start and he's always home well before 6:00. I'm beginning to get worried.







5:30pm : It's getting late, I go to check on Donald to see what he's doing and how the car is coming. Neither he nor the car are in the garage. I find this very odd I didn't hear the car start and he's always home well before 6:00. I'm beginning to get worried.

6:00 p.m. Now I'm really concerned. Because he's on probation he has a 6:00 curfew that he never misses. But he's still not home I begin to walk around the house. I have a horrible feeling deep in my heart. I'm suddenly terribly afraid. I go to his desk and I find the note. I don't know what to do.

6:15 p.m. I called the sheriff's department and report Donald missing explaining that he has left a suicide note. I'm told they're working a case and that someone will come to my house soon.

I pace. I cry. My heart breaks.

9pm: There is a knock on the door. I answer to the sheriff and a detective. They ask to come inside and talk. As they enter my living room I look at the sheriff and I say, my son is dead. He takes my hand and says yes.

With love my son, my best friend, my baby boy, my heart has said goodbye.