First Time Mom Chronicles

Two pink lines

Growing up I was one of those people who enjoyed taking care of older people probably because I helped take care of both my great grandparents. I never really had baby fever or saw myself having kids but that moment when I missed my period and went out to by a pregnancy test I knew my whole life could possibly change. Once I saw those two pink lines I was flooded with emotions. A little bit of worry, excitement, and terrified. We were not trying but we also were ready if it did happen. We were both in shock but also overjoyed. We knew our lives were about to change.

Pregnancy and Birth

I would say I had one of the easiest pregnancies physically, mentally though was a struggle. I was never sick, very healthy, and blood pressure was perfect. My mind on the other hand was difficult to control. I went from laughing to crying in the matter of seconds. I went from being confident to insecure and scared. I went from feeling loved and supported to feeling alone. It was definitely a rollercoaster of emotions. At 39 weeks I knew she was coming soon, I even asked my boyfriend to say home from work on a Tuesday because I had a feeling she was going to make her arrival and turns out she did! Contractions started around 8:00 that morning, as my boyfriend was making breakfast I was working through mild contractions that were slowly getting stronger. 11:00am came around and my contractions were only 2-3 minutes apart and we knew it was time to go to the hospital. Going in my plan was to deliver naturally with no meds, well those plans definitely changed. No one can really prepare you on how contractions feel and they definitely challenge your pain tolerance. Once my epidural was in I was able to relax and get comfortable. Around 7:00pm I was fully dilated and ready to push. After 2 hours of active pushing, she was stuck on my pelvic bone, I was so tired and it was getting harder for me to push. My OB suggested the vacuum because she knew baby girl needed to come out because her heart rate was dropping during every contraction. I was terrified but with two more pushes she was brought into the world. I was exhausted but as soon as she was placed on my chest and as I looked at her and my boyfriend I bursted out in tears. All I could think was that she was so beautiful and man she has a lot of hair! The recovery wasn’t terrible, I did tear so I had to take it slow and easy for about a week but we were so excited to take baby girl home after three days in the hospital.

Breast feeding

They say breastfeeding is one of the most beautiful things about being a mother and I’d have to agree. The fact that our body’s are able to make food for our babies that is full of nutrients is very impressive. I am very blessed to be able to do this for my daughter. Don’t get me wrong it was uncomfortable a hurt a little in the beginning but it was natural to me until a few weeks in. It was getting harder for her to latch and it started giving me anxiety about not knowing how much she was actually taking in. My pumping journey was a little rocky to start. I got a pump through insurance but it was one that had to be plugged into the wall and I felt anxious every time I would have to pump because anytime baby girl would cry I would have to stop mid pump to tend to her needs. With that being said I knew I needed to invest in a good wearable pump and boy what a difference. I was able to pump every two to three hours but also at the same time get stuff done around the house and tend to my daughter at any second. It has been 2 months and I am able to feed baby girl and still have a little left over for my freezer stash. I pray to God that I will be able to provide enough for her until she no longer needs it.

Stress

I often hear you can’t pour from an empty cup, but as a mother you can and you do,Because even if you have nothing left to pour from, you will find a way. You will pour from whatever cup you have, anything, everything for them. Everyone tells you about losing sleep and never getting any alone time again but what they don’t tell you is the stress that you feel as a mother. I find myself always thinking about all the things I need to accomplish and I tend to put everything and everyone above myself. What they don’t prepare you for is going multiple days without a shower because you are so busy or just forget as well as forgetting to eat because you are more focused on feeding the little one. They say sleep when the baby sleeps but then nothing would get done around the house. They also don’t tell you that sometimes the baby only sleeps 30 minutes. It is so true when they say being a mother or a parent is a full time job in itself.

Joys

Even though being a mother is stressful the joys definitely out weigh the stress of it all. The moments I get to enjoy most is all the firsts I get to experience. I still remember the first time my baby girl was able to truly see me and watching her track my every move. Granted now every time I am in another room for too long she wines because she can’t see me. I also love when she holds my finger during every feeding. This love is truly like no other. The excitement I feel when she reaches new milestones like holding her head up and pulling herself up on her feet while holding her of course is just mind blowing to me. The other day she found out that she has feet and it was adorable. They say God gives you a girl because you were missing a best friend and boy have I definitely found mine!