Finding Joy Again

We were your average family; happily married with 2 kids, a girl and a boy. Life was perfect. We were happy and could not imagine anything happening that could change that. That is, until we were told our 6-year-old son had brain cancer. We went from being on the top of the world to a dark place, deep in fear and grief.

He battled courageously for nearly 10 years. He showed us all how to live life to the fullest. He worried more about everyone around him then about himself. Ryan always cared about others. If he was cranky with a nurse, he always made a point of later apologizing to them. He told his doctors that he didn't blame them for not curing him, he thanked them for giving him 9 more years after his original diagnosis. And Ryan had an amazing faith. When he was told he had less than a year to live, his thoughts quickly turned to helping others. He wanted to raise "more money than any other kid" for the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life so that "no other child, no other person, has to hear the words 'you have cancer' ever again". His amazing efforts garnered national recognition for his excellence in raising funds for the American Cancer Society Relay For Life. He never stopped enjoying life, until he passed away on his 16th birthday.

At that moment, my world stopped. My heart was broken into a million pieces, and I wondered if it would ever beat again. My soul went dark and I wondered if I would ever see light or feel happiness again.

One day I sat down and started looking through our family photos. I started smiling, laughing, and crying all at once. I knew then that I needed to do something with all these pictures, so I started scrapbooking Ryan’s life. As I looked through everything he was able to do in his short life, I found a reason to smile again.

I was sent back to a trip to a NASCAR race where he met several drivers, saw his first live race, and came home with a suitcase full of memorabilia. Seeing him dressed in his driver costume, and seeing his smile, made my heart start to beat again. I could hear him cheering for his favorite driver, Bobby Labonte, as the cars flew past us. I saw pictures of that small boy sitting in one of the cars, smiling ear to ear and forgetting about his illness.

I revisited the football games where he met men at the college and professional level that were his heroes. There were such meaningful pictures of him with those giant men who melted when they heard his story. I could see him beaming as they took him under their wings and showed him what teamwork really means.

I was reminded of the great family trips, the time spent with family and friends. I could hear him laughing with his cousin during a trip to New York City. I was able to relive the time we had together and remember a happy time. As I shaped each picture for the layouts, I experienced again our time with him. The time I spent crafting also helped to relieve my grief, a little more with each page.

I have only begun to tell the story of his very short but very meaningful life. I don't think I ever will finish. Each page tells just a tiny part of his story. Each page comes to life with the joy it brings me.

Now, even though I no longer have him by my side, I do have reminders of a life lived to the fullest. I have great memories of a young man that brought so much joy to my world. I have found happiness again.