Finding Hope

Hey everyone! I hope you are all doing well. This is my first story on here.

Finding Hope

It was just another cool summer day when the heat of what I had done came back to burn me. She said she needed to take time away to figure out what her plan was and that she would come back after three weeks. It has been about two months now since she left and the house we lived in has never been the same. The sound of silence plagues me like cancer that has ravaged the entire body.

But I fret not! I have found hope through prayer and through working on myself. I have found hope through enjoying the small things in life such as my two cats and my two dogs. I have also grown closer to my immediate family. I may be alone, but I am not lonely. I do not know how this journey will end, but I know where and who I will be at the end of it.

I know I will be a better person who is happier. I know that the changes I am making will only serve to benefit me and those around me. I do not like who I used to be. The version of me who was always angry and yelled a lot is not who my parents raised me to be. They raised me to be kind, loving and considerate of others. The version of me that my wife and kids saw before they left and somewhat after is not who I was made to be.

The version of me that I want to be is someone who is helpful and would give the shirt off my back to a stranger who was in need. The version of me that I desire to be is a man who does things around the house for his wife no matter how tired I am from work. I want to laugh and play with our three sons as well. Everything that I am doing now is not just for me, but also for them. I love them with all my heart and soul.

The old me was emotionally abusive, and I yelled too much. I told my kids to not make so much noise and now that house is silent, I miss the noise. I miss hearing my wife talking to our sons and I miss her talking to me. I miss her laugh and her smile. I miss the way the sunlight reflected off her tanned skin. I miss the way my sons would get excited to see me when I got home from work. I simply miss everything that made life bearable at least no matter how bad I felt.

I hope and pray that God will reunite me with my family one day. Not being with them has opened my eyes to how much I need to change. We may be separated physically, but my heart is wherever those boys and their mother is. She is the love of my life and my soulmate. No one else compares to her and no one else ever will.

If ever we were to get back together, I would step up and take more steps to be the husband and father that she and the boys need and deserve. For anyone reading this, please do not let the worries and stress of life distract you from what matters most. Find time to enjoy your spouse. Find the time to play with your kids. You never know when they are one foot away from stepping out the door of your life.

Love always,

JB.