February 4th

Febuary 4th A day that was the happiest ive ever been but would still bring almost the tears to my eyes. On this day My mother, my mom, the only person who could make me miss, anger, sadden and love so much was born. A day im thankful for in so many ways it will be hard to describe but I will try. She was sick and was made worse by a surgery that shouldnt have happend. This was the day I heard the sweetest last words I could ever hear from the person who I took for granted and didnt even realize it untill it was to late. This was that day Febuary 4th.

Just Talking about her and this is hard and easy at the same time. But I have never been able to talk or express anything really about her since Febuary 14th the day I heard heard her last breath and heard the last beat of her heart while I holding her knowing I had to let go when i didnt want to. I thought I was prepared but got damn I was wrong on every level. Me I was her first born and I felt its what she would have wanted because she gave me my first breath and heart beat while she gave me her last.

I hated this hospital, I wished I didnt have to be here but I couldnt not be here. This was her day and we planned on celebrating it me and all my family. Riding the elevator up with me, love and her grandkids had me nervous. Hiding how I want to break down going up to her room in the hospital is hard but nessacary. Nobody can see me break! Im the strong one I helpe everyon else. But i push forward hoping for a miracle, hoping for my mom to be my mom. This is where even for someone like me is shocked. My mother who hadnt been awake since her surgery was sitting up and talking with all the words i needed to ever hear.

Febuary 4th was the day she told me her last words. She told me Hey Baby I Love You. This was the hope I needed, the light in a tunnel that had been dark for so long. This was nothing I expected but Everything I needed. My mom sitting up and talking to me and evryone in the room. ( including the nurse) But I did not care because I could see her beautiful hazel eyes and the voice I miss today and wish I could hear again. I wish I stayed and never left but regular life gets in the way of being able to do exaclty what you want. But I love that my sister brought her a cake and feed her icing from her it seeing her eating it and knowing my mom she loved it as she always loved something sweet. It was the last thing as a family we all did together becase on Febuary 14th she gained her wings of another life. On the day she had her first date with my dad.

On the day we said good bye to physical these were my last words to her.

Hey baby

I love you

are words I will forever miss

Hey baby

I love you

Are words we will always cherish

Hey baby

I love you

The sweetest words from your lips

Hey baby

I love you

A gift you gave to us even though it was your day

Hey baby

I love you

Are words your heart had to say

Hey baby

I love you

Are the words I wish I could hear today

So know this my angel as yuou watch over us,

we want you to know

Hey baby We

Love You

Forever and a Day