Even if words not spoken...

I was raised by my mother and grandmother. They occupy two of the largest spaces in my heart. Their invaluable guidance and life lessons will forever be engrained in my heart and mind.

I’ll start with my mother. Honest moment. One day, I would like to fully share with my mother how my childhood experience truly was, but that day isn’t today nor will it be tomorrow but one day. I learned life lessons from my mother by doing the opposite of what she did. I love my mother dearly. Even at the age of 43; When I need her, she is there. I do not fault her. She was a teenage mother of 3. She was a child raising children & didn’t know what she didn’t know.

One of the most significant lessons she taught me was regarding communication. When my mother was uncomfortable or upset, she shut down & went in silent mode. There were times she wouldn’t speak to me for a couple of days. What I learned by experiencing that was to never shut down. Whether it was disagreements with a mate, children, coworkers; The silent treatment doesn’t resolve issues. It left me with abandonment issues that carried over into my adult life.

Another lesson I learned from my mother indirectly was to always speak up for yourself. I watched my mom never speak up for herself. Letting people walk all over her manifested in anger issues that I still see rear its head present day. I learned that it was easier to just speak up instead of saying nothing, carrying around unnecessary anger.

My Granny was a major part of my upbringing. She passed 2 months ago. The life lessons she taught me will always stay with me. Although my granny didn’t want anyone else in her kitchen; I spent a lot of time in her care so I learned how to cook by watching her. She never measured a single thing but everything always came out amazing. She said, you just eyeball it and know how much goes. One of my favorite things that Granny use to say was, “If your heart aint in it, stay out the kitchen”. Because of those words, I always check my emotions before deciding whether or not I will cook. Emotions affect the outcome of the food you cook more than you may realize.

“Everybody aint your friend”. Granny echoed those words constantly throughout my life. She taught me that just because people call themselves your friends doesn’t necessarily mean they are. You have to go by what they show you more than what they say. People will always reveal who they truly are.

Strength was one of the most defining traits of my Granny. She raised her own children and help raise her grandchildren, nieces, nephews, cousins & everyone in between. Whether it was defending one of her grandkids from a neighborhood bully, not backing down from a neighbor over a minor dispute, standing strong in her position regarding politics, or overcoming all of the daily obstacles she faced in life; Her strength was always on full display. While I definitely embody her strength; I had to learn a healthy balance of being strong and being soft. There is nothing wrong with being strong but sometimes you have to choose your battles and take a different approach.

Whether directly or indirectly teaching me life lessons; my mother and grandmother helped framed my life. They instilled in me the core values that I have passed on to my children. Some of the lessons learned have forced me to break generational curses with my own children and in personal relationships. There is no handbook on how to raise children. You do the best you can with what you know. Taking pieces of lessons learned along the way and forging your own path.